my emotions

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Ya, It’s Nice to be Back!

Recently I went back to playing hockey.  I felt good enough to play, but since I did have a heart attack after the last time I played hockey, I also felt a little weird about it.

Since I left the hospital back in March, I have had to carry a nitroglycerin spray … just in case.  I haven’t had to use it, but when we got to the bench, I told my son Mike where it was in the dressing room, in the event I might need a little shot.  I just felt it would be good for someone to know where it was.

When I got onto the ice, I found that my skates didn’t fit right.  I don’t understand how a heart attack could affect my feet, but my skates which have fit perfect for the last 18 years put my feet into agonizing pain.  It didn’t matter whether I was on the ice or on the bench, my feet just hurt.  That lasted about 45 minutes before the pain went away.

I’ve never experienced that before, nor have I experienced aching muscles around my hips when I skated before.  But that, too, seemed to be a relatively new change for me.  I feel I have aged over the last seven months.

And then there were all the “mothers” that showed up to play.  It was a little embarrassing.  Every time I came to the bench, someone would ask me how I was feeling.  If I looked out of breath or in a little pain, if I slipped or got bumped by someone, these big guys dressed in full hockey gear got all tender on me and asked, “Are you okay?”  One time I answered back, “Yes, dear” and I don’t think he asked me again.

I also had to get used to a new routine.  Apparently, hockey is kind of hard on one’s heart.  That’s why they have installed defibrillators in all the arenas in the city.  It’s not that hockey isn’t a good way to exercise, but when you go from racing up and down the ice to sitting on the bench, your heart rate rises and drops rapidly.  Well, that’s not ideal.

So, now I have to coast at the end of my shift, or walk a few laps around the bench before I sit down.  Let me tell you, that gets a few looks and comments from the other guys.

But in the end, I felt good that I got that first game under my belt.  It was great to be on the ice again.  Hockey has been the last thing I’ve returned to after my heart attack.  Now I’m back participating in everything I used to do.  I just do it at a slower pace, I think.  But maybe that will get better too.

Here’s the thing:  When we get off track with God in some way – whether it is sin in our life, or just a drifting away from Him – coming back to God may seem a little awkward, not as natural as it did before.  It may mean trying something different or new, or changing something in you life.  But coming back to God, seeking His forgiveness, knowing you are right with Him, feels good.

It gives you a peace, a comfort, a knowing you’re in the right spot, that you’re in a good place … you feel like you’re back where you should be.

Until Next Time!

Pastor Paul

Question:  What has caused you to feel distant from God?  What keeps you from moving closer to Him?  Leave your comment below.

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Turn Your Toil Into Joy

Yesterday I had to work late on my sermon.  It was Friday; I like to be done my sermon by 5 pm but it was obvious that was not going to happen.

Every week that Sunday deadline stares me in the face; it’s always on my mind.  Some weeks things go well.  I do a little work on my message each day so that the task is broken down.  Monday mornings I make notes on the passage and from commentaries.  Tuesdays, I read supportive material and start to formulate the main idea of the passage.  Wednesdays, I try to create the outline with supportive scripture.  Thursdays, I write a draft of the message.

These days I’ve been dictating that draft. Its an amazing thing, I speak and my computer types the words.  My wife Lily always laughs when I dictate because the program gets some words wrong … like the other day, when I said, “Because the word…” and the program typed “Because Al Gore.”

I’m not sure what Al Gore had to do with my message – it had nothing to do with saving the planet’s environment!  On the other hand, my sermon did have to do with saving people ON the planet.

Fridays, I edit my message, prepare the media presentation and internet support.  This Friday by 4 pm, I had not even started to write the sermon.  It had been a very difficult week, with many interruptions and meetings.

At 4 pm I was tired, and frustrated because focus had been an issue all week for me.  I was not looking forward to spending all evening writing a sermon.  But as I was checking a reference for something, I ran into a quote that struck me.

The quote was from Samuel Chadwick a Methodist preacher. “The one concern of the devil is to keep Christians from praying.  He fears nothing from prayerless studies, prayerless work, and prayerless religion.  He laughs at our toil, mocks at our wisdom, but trembles when we pray.”

I had just finished praying when I read that, asking God to help me get my sermon done quickly.  But something struck me in that quote; it was the part about Satan laughing at our toil.  My sermon writing felt like toil to me right then.  I was not excited about writing it; I just wanted to be done.

After pondering the quote for a moment, I began to pray again.  This time I asked God to give me a passion for my writing.  I asked Him to fill me with excitement and enthusiasm for what I would put down.  I asked Him to give me joy in writing my message, no matter how long it took.  I asked Him to fill me up with the message He wanted me to bring to my congregation.  I prayed, “Lord, don’t let Satan laugh at the work I am doing.”

The Lord answered my prayer, keeping me focussed and moving ahead as I dictated. He filled my mind with thoughts and words and illustrations.  It was a pleasure to write that message, and I finished before 8 pm.

Here’s the thing:  When we are struggling with something, no matter what it is, it’s always a good thing to pray.  Keep in mind that Satan would love to keep you toiling and prayerless.  Do the opposite.  Pray and watch God make your work a joy.

Until Next Time!

Pastor Paul

Question: What do you do when you find your task is more toil than joy?  Leave your comments below.

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Let’s Drop the Label Already!

This past week I enrolled in a cardiac rehab clinic.  After having a heart attack in February, and wanting to get back to playing hockey this fall, I thought it would be a good idea.  I want to make sure I don’t have another heart attack … well, at least be aware of all the risks and preventions associated with heart attacks and hockey.

As I talk to medical people, however, I get a little discouraged with their language.  They always refer to me as having heart disease.  I have a hard time with that term “disease” because it sounds like it’s something you carry with you in your body.  I would much prefer to think that I had a heart attack and now I am better, thanks very much.  Let’s not dwell on it, let’s not rub it in, or make me feel like I am in some weakened condition.

There was a time long ago when people who were diseased were kept away from others.  In Bible times, if they did happen to get close to people, those with leprosy had to call out “unclean, unclean”.  At least no one’s making me do that.

People don’t even mind me shaking their hands.  From my best guess, I don’t think I’m passing on heart disease when I touch them … although my neighbour had bypass surgery about three weeks after I had my heart attack.  Maybe there’s something on my street that’s catching.

Before my heat attack I used to just check the “no” boxes on medical information forms, driver’s license renewals and insurance forms.  Now I have to check some “yes” boxes, and that’s a little upsetting.  It’s like the disease never lets you forget and move on.

I remember years ago a friend of mine  had an issue with gluten in his diet, and for a while, had to avoid eating anything with gluten in it.  I called him diseased during that time.  I even had a made up name for it, “glu-tone-eous disease.”  I still went to lunch with him, though I did make fun of him having to eat his Big Mac without the bun.  I thought it was pretty funny back then, but now that I have a disease associated with me, I’m feeling a little more sympathetic.

Probably my biggest concern with being associated with heart disease is that some people, specifically those in the medical profession, will always consider me as diseased.  It’s a label I’m going to have to live with the rest of my life.

But do me a favour, don’t spread it around.  I don’t want people crossing to the other side of the street when they see me coming.

Here’s the thing:  We get many labels attached to us in life.  Some of those labels we like, but some we don’t want to be stuck with.  Sometimes we try to fight the labels placed on us and sometimes we try to hide from being associated with them.  I think that being labeled “believer in Christ” can, at times, be difficult, but it is a label we should wear with pride.  Christ is, after all, Creator of this amazing world, Saviour of this sinful world, and the Lord of my life.  It’s a label I don’t want to shake.

Until Next Time!

Pastor Paul

Question: How do you view being labeled a “Christian” or “believer in Christ”?  Leave your comment below.

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Canadians and Hockey

There is something weird about us Canadians.  The other day I was out for dinner with my family – that would be 3/4 of my family because one quarter left us for Alberta five years ago and has not yet found her way back.

Anyway, we were in this restaurant having one of my favorite meals, hot wings. This particular restaurant had television screens all over and they were tuned to a sports channel.

I like sports so, even though the sound was off and pop music was playing through the speakers, I found myself watching what was on the screen.  About 5 minutes went by before I realized I’d been watching hockey highlights, goal after goal, great saves, and awesome hits.  But these weren’t highlights from last night’s games – they were from last year!  There’s a hockey strike on right now.

Now that’s Canadian.  It’s hockey season, so strike or no strike we’re going to watch hockey in some form or other.  It was funny because I was ogling the dekes these guys made on the goalies, and banging the table when the goalies made their out-of-nowhere glove saves.

I thought to myself, “Why am I interested in these highlights? I’ve seen them all last year.”  And after 5 or 10 minutes of watching in the restaurant, I’d seen them several more times.  But I kept watching, even though there weren’t many “Leaf” highlights.

I wasn’t the only one watching; my son was watching too.  We talked about what we were looking at as if it had some bearing on world peace or maybe war in the middle east.  There is just something about September that forces us to tune in; it flows through the veins of Canadians, like the urge to pack up the lawn mower and tune up the snowblower (man, I wish I had one of them!).

To be honest, I don’t think this NHL hockey strike is such a bad thing.  Right now my Toronto Maple Leafs have a perfect season going.  In fact, they’re in first place in the league.  I realize it’s a tie with every other team in the league, but hey, if the playoffs started right now, the Leafs would have a chance!

In one Toronto store, I saw on their TVs they were showing a hockey playoff game between Montreal and Philly.  I thought to myself, “This is Toronto and they’re showing a Montreal game?”  Then I remembered, if they showed a Leafs’ playoff game it would be in black and white!

Personally, I believe this strike comes at a good time.  The Leafs haven’t made the playoffs since the last strike so this strike should break the jinx … we’ll probably see them in the playoffs again regularly.

Here’s the thing:  We all have things that grab our interest, command our attention, draw our focus away from everything else.  But does that happen with God?  When you read the Bible, do you get lost in what it’s saying to you?  When you are alone with God, do you lose track of time and everything else around you?  I don’t think it will happen all the time, but at certain moments, seasons of our life, our God should grab our interest, grab our attention, draw our focus away from everything else.  If it doesn’t happen, we should look into why, and make some changes.

Until Next Time!

Pastor Paul

Question: When has God so grabbed your attention that everything else faded around you? Leave your comment below.

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I like Nostalgia Night … Once in a While

When I think of my ability to remember things, sometimes I find it amazing!  Sure, there are lots of things I don’t remember, like each week when the garbage has to go out … I still need a reminder for that.  Sometimes I need more that one reminder.  If you’re driving by my house at midnight on Tuesday (or, is it Wednesday?), it’s possible that you might see me putting the garbage out to the curb.

When you think of it though, on so many things our ability to recall is astounding.  Take phone numbers, for instance.  Some people can remember not only their own phone number, but they know all their relatives’ phone numbers and many of their friends’ numbers as well.  My wife Lily is like that; she’s my personal yellow pages if I need to call someone in our family.

The other day I was flicking channels on the TV and PBS had a special on the Ed Sullivan show.  (If you’ve never heard of that show, it was an entertainment show that ran from 1948-1971.)  This particular PBS special featured musical acts from the 60’s, so I tuned in.

It was great to see some of the bands perform from way back.  But what struck Lily was that I knew the words to many of the songs.  At one point she said, “You were 11 when that song was out and you know every word!”  I thought about it later, and I don’t even know how I learned the words.  They just got stuck in my memory.

Lily didn’t stay too long.  So there I was, alone, singing away with the likes of Herman’s Hermits, The Beatles, Jerry and Pacemakers, Lulu, and yes, even Tom Jones.  I was asked to shut the basement door as if that would create a sound barrier to my singing, that apparently got louder and louder as I got more into it.  What Lily was really hoping for was the “cone of silence” from “Get Smart” (another 60’s TV show).  When I came upstairs later, Lily had an ice pack on her neck.  She said that her neck had been bad for weeks, but I’m wondering if maybe my singing finished it off.

I did enjoy myself though.  I could even remember guitar solos, drum beats – I sang them too.  For about an hour my memory was digging deep, bringing song after song to the front of my mind.  I guess I overtaxed it though, because I couldn’t remember where I put the remote when it was over.

Here is the thing:  God says that when He forgives us, our sins are gone, taken away “as far as the east is from the west”.  So when we have confessed our sins to Him, and then still feel guilty for them, it’s not God punishing us, or needling us with those sins.  It’s our own excellent memory that keeps them coming back!  What we need to do is be a little more selective with what we remember when it comes to our past sins.  We need to treat our past sins more like taking out the garbage or remembering where we put the remote control.

Until Next Time!

Pastor Paul

Question: How do you prevent your past from plaguing you with guilt?

 

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The Doctor Is In

For the last several years I’ve been collecting watches.  I have several . . . actually I have more than several.  The watches I collect aren’t expensive or collector’s editions.  They’re not popular brand names.  They are cheap $10-$15 watches that I mostly get at a flea market.

Since I’ve been collecting these watches, I’ve been called the “Watch Doctor” by many … mostly my family and only after I told them I was the Watch Doctor.  If you say “Watch Doctor” out loud in reference to me, please pronounce it “Watch Docta”, it sounds better.

I’m not the Watch Docta just because I have a large collection of watches; it’s because I fix them too.  You see, with so many cheap, and cheaply made watches, there are always one or two needing attention.  If it’s not a battery issue, it might be the stem or the strap.  In order to fix them I need tools and I found a great little kit online.  So, if you see me with my little black bag, you’ll know I’m in “Docta” mode.

Not long ago I needed to change the battery in one of my watches.  For those of you who are laymen regarding watches, there are basically two different ways to get the back off a watch.  Some watches are the pop-off kind, and you use a special knife for that.  The other kind screws off.  There are little notches so you can apply a case opener tool to twist it off – and yes, I have that tool.

This watch had the notches so I got out my case opener for screw types and got started.  But I couldn’t get the back off. I turned the back one way and then the other way, but it would only move slightly and then tighten no matter which direction I turned.

Soon I began to get quite frustrated, and in passing, my wife Lily commented, “Why don’t you try to pop the back off?”  I gave her a look only a well-trained Watch Docta could give, as if to say “Whach you talkin’ ‘bout, fool?”  Then I kept at it.

After a while I began to get angry at the watch.  I would put the watch down for a bit and then pick it up and try again.  Nothing.  I got nowhere. Finally I got out my knife – because I didn’t care any more – and funny thing, the back of the watch just popped right off!

Those markings on the back of the watch were just decoration!  It wasn’t a screw type watch at all.

Here’s the thing:  The appearance of the watch indicated to me that I needed to take the back off a certain way.  Lily had no idea what type of watch it was.  She just threw out another possibility.  Her suggestion didn’t make sense to me because of the appearance of the watch.  But she was right.

Sometimes we get our mind set on something that we think we know about, and we don’t listen to God.  We think we don’t need His advice, that we know what to do.  But God knows better than we do.  Even when it looks like something we know, listening to God will give us the best way to proceed.

Until Next Time!

Pastor Paul

Question:  How have you been guilty of not listening to God when you think you know the way to proceed?  Leave your comment below.

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Get Out of My Way!

I’ve been known to get a little frustrated in traffic. City traffic infuriates me, but highway traffic, it infuriates AND bewilders me. I don’t understand how you can be driving at, let’s just say a little over the speed limit, on a 4 – 6 lane highway and have traffic come to a complete stop.

I understand a lane closure or an accident would cause it, but when there is nothing to block the lanes from moving freely, how can I go from traveling at 120 km/hr down to 0, and then have to putt along between 0 and 40 for what seems like forever?  There are no traffic lights on the highway, people! (If someone can explain the science of this, I’d appreciate it).

Recently, I was traveling through Toronto up to Sauble Beach.  I planned to stop at the Apple Store at Yorkdale Mall right beside the highway … but I left a little late.  I knew I would have to make good time on the road to get there before the store closed.  When I started, traffic was moving well.

By the time I was half way there, I was optimistic that I would make it to Yorkdale in time.  The traffic had been light and, let’s just say, I was making pretty good time.  Then my world caved in.  Being late Sunday afternoon, people were returning from their cottages and every route was funneling a ton of cars onto my highway.  Sure enough, seconds after passing a major on ramp, I saw brake lights and my car literally came to a stop.

I drive a standard so the constant speed up and slow down is rather annoying, especially if you have to do it for a good 40 minutes.  I kept looking at the clock and my hope of making the Apple Store was fading.  But just when I had almost written off the possibility of getting there on time, the traffic picked up.  Why?!  I have no idea, but I was ecstatic and it bugged me all at the same time (you see, I really need that explanation).

I drove as fast as I legally could – well, maybe a little faster – and kept looking between the road signs and the clock to judge my timing.  I knew it was going to be close.  But there was another hitch:  the off ramp from the highway to Yorkdale was closed.  I would have to exit off another street and negotiate my way back to the mall.  I looked again at the clock . . . I only had 10 minutes.

It was then that I had to give up and realize I couldn’t do it.  I couldn’t get off at another exit, make my way along the streets, park the car and get inside the mall to the Apple store in just 10 minutes.  I kept driving.  I looked at Yorkdale from the highway as I passed by.  I was so close, if it wasn’t for that blasted traffic.

Here’s the thing:  When life throws us a roadblock, we look to blame someone and often times we look to God.  Why did God do this to me?  Blaming doesn’t help; it makes us even more angry, and it doesn’t move us to a solution.  What we should do is pour out our sorrow to God, let Him know how we feel, and seek His help.  Ask Him for strength to go through the roadblock, and/or a solution to get past it.

Until Next Time!

Pastor Paul

Question: Who do you blame most when you hit a roadblock in life?

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That’s it . . . I Quit!

They say a pastor shouldn’t make any major decisions on Monday.  Rick Warren, the pastor at Saddleback Community Church, says he feels like resigning every Monday morning.  I’ve heard of a lot of pastors feeling that way.  Maybe that’s why so many pastors take Mondays off.

Personally, I’ve never felt that way, and so, for most of my 27 years of being a pastor, I went to work on Mondays – even now, I study Monday mornings.  However, this Monday morning was different.  I can’t really put my finger on why, but I had this growing feeling of depression. My mood reflected the weather outside – cloudy with 60% chance of rain, with the percentage increasing throughout the day.

I didn’t just feel bad all of a sudden.  It started with little things that came into my mind and kind of built up from there.  I began thinking of things I needed to do, and then some things that I should have already done.  Then I started thinking of the service on Sunday and what things could have gone better.  I even started second guessing some things I had said.  Then I read something that triggered thoughts about a family issue and I started to feel weighted down some more.  Before I knew it, I was feeling really bad.  I had my own personal rain cloud over me and I was getting soaked … much like Eeyore of Winnie the Pooh fame .

This all took place in a matter of about 45 minutes.  Now, this doesn’t happen to me very often.  I am more of an upbeat person.  I mostly see the good in life and people, and so I normally wake up feeling good about what the day is going to bring.  But by 7 am this morning, I felt like my day had already been ruined, and maybe we should just take Mondays off the calendar!

I don’t know if you ever feel that way, but I’m sure glad it doesn’t happen to me often. Anyway, for some reason I pulled out my iPhone and opened a weather app to the present day weather forecast. The app showed the temperature in front of a picture of clouds.  And that’s how I was feeling:  all cloudy.  Then I went to the map and saw that it wasn’t overcast everywhere; in fact, in Toronto, only 3 hours away, it was sunny.  Next I checked the 10-day forecast and noticed there is sun in the forecast in the days ahead. And that got me thinking of something that’s coming up that I’m looking forward to.  That helped my mood a little.

Then I started to pray, and told God all the things that were weighing me down. Some things I couldn’t do anything about; I just asked Him to deal with those.  For the things that I needed to do something about, I asked for His help and made a list.  For the things that were coming up, I thanked Him.  By the time I was done, the weather outside hadn’t changed at all, but the weather in me had.  I’m glad I can go to God any time, especially when I’m down.  I guess I won’t quit today, after all.

Until next time!

Pastor Paul

When the weather in you is cloudy, how has God brought some sun?  Leave your comment below.

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Scary Bike Ride

Since my heart attack at the end of February, the only exercise I have done is walking.  Lily and I started walking soon after I got out of the hospital. At first our walking pace was slow – my normal walking pace is like a teenager walking to school in the morning, not fully awake and not in a hurry to get there.  But, after a while, our walking pace started to increase until, eventually, I was walking about as fast as I could.  Lily, on the other hand, has another gear somewhere in her that causes sparks to fly from the bottom of her shoes.

 I just knew that if I was to increase my exercising, I needed to move beyond walking. That decision, however, was much to Lil’s disappointment because she has really enjoyed walking together (I guess I could keep walking with her, but that’s another story). I decided it was time to ride my bike around the neigbourhood to increase my cardio exercise.  So, last week I took the bike out and it felt really good to get on it again and ride.  At first the streets were pretty flat, but then I went down a hill, a long hill.  Well, you know what happens when you go down a hill – you have to come back up the other side at some point.  But somehow, when you are flying down the hill and speeding up with no effort, you don’t think of what is waiting for you when you get to the bottom.

 Once I reached the bottom, I was faced with a long climb that seemed much longer that the decent.  I didn’t think much of it at first, but as I got about two thirds of the way up the hill, I started to realize something.  For the first time since my heart attack, my legs were feeling like they were getting a work out, I was breathing heavy, and my heart was beating rather fast.  Normally, I would be feeling good about all those things, because that is what you want when you exercise.  But I got scared.  I had this thought, “Should my heart be beating this fast; should I be breathing this heavy?”  I was afraid that I was hurting my heart and not helping it, so I stopped.

I took my pulse to figure out how fast it was beating and I started to think I was crazy for going on this bike ride.  After about a minute or so, I decided I better just get home.  So I took a short cut and rode straight home, feeling discouraged and defeated.

I was thinking later on of how fear is a great tactic of Satan.  Fear causes us to stop and quit what we are doing, but even more than that, it causes us to feel discouraged and defeated so that we don’t want to try again.  The solution to this is to check in with God and get his perspective, through prayer and through his Word.  2 Timothy 1:7 says, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. (NLT)”.  Fear should not stop us from obeying God and following through on what he wants us to do.

I checked in with my doctor about my fear, and now armed with some advice and a proper perspective, I am going for another bike ride today.

Until next time!

Pastor Paul