my family

by

Different Rules Apply

This is a reblog of a post I wrote March 26, 2013

There are different rules around our house when I’m on my own … to be accurate, it was my son and I who were on our own this weekend. Lily was away speaking at a women’s retreat.

wings and pizza copy

Before she left, she gave us some rules to live by while she was gone. But even as she shared her expectations with us, I knew that when the door shut, a whole different set of rules would kick in.

I listened to her directions and got some tips, like for meals she wanted us to eat the leftovers in the fridge and not spend money on food. However, I made it clear to Mike that the leftovers were for lunches and evening meals would be pizza and wings. … not together, mind you … pizza one night and then wings for the hockey game Saturday night.

I’m sure that as Lily tells us what we should eat, by now she realizes what will really happen. I think it is her eternal, optimistic, pie-in-the-sky hope that maybe we will actually follow her rules that forces her to tell us.

Along with the eating rules, the cleanliness rules go out the window as well. She knows better than to expect us to keep up to her standards. She only expects that when she returns the place will look like it did when she left. Whatever happens between then, she tries very hard not to think about.

Lily has this rule that is etched into her brain that she can’t leave the house or go to bed unless the dishes are all washed and the kitchen is clean. Mike and I don’t share the same etching in our melons! To go a day or two with a sink full of dishes is not a problem. I figure that’s why we bought a set of twelve dishes and not four.

My rule is if you leave it in the sink, put some hot water on it so that when you finally get to washing, the gunk will come off easily. It’s a good rule to follow and over the years it’s saved me a lot of time in the kitchen.

When the kids were little, keeping the place clean was more difficult. There were toys strewn all over that needed to be picked up. But now, it’s a cinch – we don’t make that much of a mess! There’s just a few clothes, crumbs, and clutter that needs to be cleaned and straightened before Lily shows up at the door.

And I know that just before she enters the house she starts imagining what it might look like. She hopes for cleanliness but braces herself for substandard neat and tidy. I know how her mind works. She played a tape in her head of what the house looked like during the weekend just to prepare herself for what she would find.

In the end, disappointment or satisfaction reigns in her, depending on whether she believes we made an effort or not.

Here’s the thing: God’s standard is perfection – something you and I can’t reach. But God has arranged it so we just have to be ready to meet Him when we die or Christ returns. God’s disappointment or satisfaction with us will be based on whether our faith is placed in Christ. And He will be able to tell if it is or not, depending on if we are seeking to please Christ or are not making any effort. Let’s all be ready.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: How do you prepare for an inspection?  Leave your comment below.

by

How To Judge A Restaurant

There is more to a restaurant than the food. The last couple of weeks, my wife Lily and I have eaten out more than we normally do.

jesmond-restaurant

We’ve eaten out in restaurants from Quebec City to Sauble Beach and I’ll tell you the food that is served has a huge impact on the whole experience.

But almost equally as important as the food is the service. In fact, I would say the service contributes about 50 percent to the eating out adventure.

In our travels, we’ve run the gamut. However, there is a general rule that the finer the restaurant, the better the service. The operative word there is “general”; it’s not always the case, but it is the usual fare.

When fine dining, you have to consider the decor and ambiance, for they are just as crucial to the whole experience as the food and service. … We had an amazing dinner in Old Quebec City that had all the elements working together in perfect harmony.

But we’ve had a couple of less than perfect experiences as well. For instance, the other night we chose to eat out in one of the fabulous restaurants in Sauble Beach. (There are only three.)

In that establishment service was at a minimum. The server took a while to even come by our table to acknowledge our presence in their fine establishment.

While service was at a minimum, water was obviously at a premium because of how long it took our waitress to get it to our table – not to mention that we discovered that water was not refillable … because she never refilled our glasses!

The food was okay for me, but not very good for Lil. And though Lily went on about the food, it was equally the service that made for an unenjoyable time.

When it came time for the bill, we couldn’t get out of the place fast enough. I started the process and received a kick from under the table. A bruise would come about from that kick and it would be in the shape of letters that read, “Don’t give her a good tip.”

I felt those words before I could read them, so I slashed what I normally tip in half.

My daughter once worked in the restaurant business so I know how important tips are to servers. I normally give 20%, but this gal only got 10 from us.

I rarely do that, but she really worked hard at making me feel it was the right thing to do.

In golf they say that putting is half the game. You take the same number of shots to travel a few hundred yards as you do to get the ball to travel 30 feet into the hole.

In the restaurant business it’s the same thing. If you’ve got a great menu but lousy service, it’s not going to appeal to too many people.

We’re now down to frequenting two restaurants in Sauble.

Here’s the thing: There are a lot of people who have prayed to receive Jesus Christ as their saviour, yet their life has not changed very much. They have a hard time identifying how they have grown in Christ. That’s because a decision to follow Christ is not all there is to it. It’s not merely a decision we make; it’s incorporating that decision into everyday living that creates the atmosphere for a changed life – a life that truly has been saved by Christ. Make sure your life embodies what you claim to be true, Jesus as your Lord.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What do you do when you see inconsistencies in your life? Leave your comment below.

by

Old Friends Don’t Get Old

Old friends never get old. Well, I guess they do get older, but it’s never old being with them again.

Memory Lane

When you’re with old friends, you talk about things that happened a long time ago and you remember them as if they just happened. You relive the past in the present time.

There is a sense that time stands still when you are with old friends. Even though we don’t have the same physique we once had, and parts of our bodies don’t work as well as they used to, somehow we are able to see ourselves in alter states of say 20 or 30 years in the past.

It’s a curious thing. But much like the size of the fisherman’s catch that got away, our stories seem bigger and better. They amuse and excite others; we get built up in their eyes … or at least our own eyes.

It’s not that it happens all the time. The mood or the atmosphere has to be right to bring back the past in such technicolour, with such glory.

It happened just the other day. Lily and I were with an old friend we went to Bible College with. We’d been watching hockey on TV and I can’t even tell you how the conversation got started.

But one memory connected to another and soon the TV was off (after the game of course), and we were into full-blown nostalgia mode.

You could see it in the eyes and expressions of our kids as they listened on and on to stories they had been part of – tales that were foggy at best in their minds, but were now developing real substance and a vivid image in their newly refined memories.

Some of those stories will be told to their children; some of them will be acted out before their children with a bigger and better feel to them:

… The story of football games in the family room, how I fixed the score before we started, just to create tension and excitement in my kids till they almost burst.

… The stories of back when we were in school, the antics in the dorms that became legendary at the college. It was like we were the heroes of old, the past celebrities recounting life as it was when they were stars.

Those moments create a warm feeling that draws everyone in the room closer together like there is some secret information that they are now privileged to care for … like they’ve been invited into the inner circle.

You just don’t want those times to end; you wish they could continue forever. You want to talk and listen, and continue to light up the eyes of your kids. But you realize that you’re not that age any more. You get tired and can’t pull the all-nighters of the olden days.

You snap back to the reality of the present, and become cognisant that you are thirty pounds heavier, your hair is thinning, and you don’t look anything like the guy in the stories.

But it was great to go back there for a while.

Here’s the thing: You can remember the past, visit the past, make the past seem bigger and better than real life. But you can’t bring the past back to life; you can’t live in the past. So let the past teach you; let it inspire you to live in the present in such a way that you will want to bring colour to this present again. And may God be glorified in those memories.

Question: What were the circumstance that led to your last memory fest? Leave your comments below.

by

A Flashback Memory

I had a flash back the other day to a memory about 30 years ago. To be fair, this memory has surfaced itself in my mind a few times over the years. But it’s still a special memory.

hockey dream

Usually there is something that triggers the flashback. For me, that’s as easy as a song on the radio, or looking at an old picture.

It doesn’t take much to cause us to start to reminisce about the past. The older we get there is more to be reminded of, partly because we forget it so quickly, and partly because there are so many memories to catalogue in those brains of ours.

This memory I had the other day was definitely triggered by something. The night before I had taken my son, Mike, to a hockey game. We connect well over hockey and, being Leaf fans, there’s alway something to discuss on that front.

During the game, I mentioned that I was playing hockey in the morning and, to my surprise, he seemed a little interested. He asked me what time I played and I told him 6:30 am.

I think I saw him shutter when I said the time; let’s just say he’s not an early riser, though I remember going to 6 am midweek practices for him when he was young. I’d take him to practice and then straight to school in the morning.

To my shock, Mike said he’d come and play if there weren’t too many guys already. I checked the numbers and it worked that we could use another guy.

Now when he was a kid I would have to wake him up and get his hockey gear together. Now, however, Mike lives on his own … but that didn’t stop me from having to give him a wake up phone call, and gather his hockey bag together that he leaves at our house.

I even had to carry his gear into the arena just like way back when. But that’s not the memory.

The game was good; we made a couple of nice plays together; he scored a few pretty goals. I always had my eye on him even when I was on the ice. A couple of times I threw Mike a pass and then coasted up the ice as I watched him make a play on the net.

But that’s not when the memory came to me.

The 30 year old memory came after the game. I got home, walked through the living room, and as my feet hit the kitchen floor, I remembered thinking when I got married, “I sure hope I’m able to play hockey with my kids when they become adults.”

It was a concern of mine, a dream, a hope that has stayed with me all these years. Now he’s almost 24, I’m almost 59 and I’d say my hope and my dream is not a concern any more – it’s a reality!

Here’s the thing: My passion for hockey rubbed off on Mike, because I have consistently just kept playing the game all these years. What do you want your relationship with God to be like in five, ten years from now or even longer? May your passion for Christ keep you consistently meeting with Him so that one day your walk with Him will be what you’ve dreamed it would be … and may your passion for Christ rub off on those around you!

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What old memory or dream have you had that’s become a reality? Leave your comment below.

by

I Got Left Behind

No one likes to be left behind, to stay put while others go somewhere. It doesn’t even matter where someone is going or why; it’s the fact that they get to go while you remain that’s the issue.

IMG_2717

That’s what happened to me this weekend. Lily left town and I’m left to stay home.

In our relationship, I’ve mostly been the one who’s gone somewhere while Lily has been left behind.

Going anywhere has some adventure, some intrigue to it; staying home is nothing but familiar.

Sometimes we try to trick our mind so it sounds like it’s better to stay behind. We might say something like, “Oh I hear it’s really cold in Florida right now.”

That might give momentary relief, hopefully long enough until the person leaves so they don’t witness you begging to go along as their luggage.

The fact is, it doesn’t matter how rotten the temperature is in Florida, going there has two very big selling points. First, it’s adventure – you are the going person and not the left behind chump.

And secondly, it’s Florida, and we live in Canada. We have three feet of snow on our lawn … the best Florida could produce on its worst day would be something that looked like manna from Biblical times.

And that’s where Lily has gone. No, not to some Biblical times place; she’s gone to Florida.

Yes, she’s driven to Florida with her mother and sister. I saw inside the trunk and I would not want to be part of their luggage. Nor do I think I would fit in very well as a tag-a-long.

They’re better without me and I’m better to stay home. See how my mind is working hard to adjust to being left behind?

It won’t be too bad here for me. I’ll probably shovel snow a few times this week. They may only get a couple of beach days.

I get to go to work everyday this week and have some evening commitments, too. They won’t even have a schedule to keep. They may have a hard time remembering what time of day it is.

I will be eating some of the finest foods, made and cooked by Lily’s own hands, then frozen solid in the freezer, so I can easily slip them in the microwave and nuke them.

They’ll have to spend money and eat out at restaurants like Applebee’s, Bob Evans, and the Olive Garden. Well, maybe not them, but they will have to eat out.

Here in Kingston we’ve been having quite a bit of sunshine of late; you can almost feel its tanning effects on your face … or maybe that’s frostbite from the windchill effect.

It doesn’t matter. If I stay outside long enough while she is away, my skin will be just as red as hers … though I will have to be careful I’m not out too long so the tip of my nose doesn’t chip off!

Here’s the thing: God wants you to journey with Him. It is a daily invitation to walk with Him, not just on your own, and to experience your day with Him. Go with Him. The crazy thing is, you are going that way anyway. If you travel with Him, however, you’ll experience the adventure and not be left behind.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What trip do you long to take right about now? Leave your comment below.

by

New Year’s Eve Plans

Wow, the end of another year! It came up quickly and we had no plans as usual.

dickclark2014

Well, I guess we did have plans; they were the same plans we have most years on New Year’s Eve: we hang out, snack a little, and watch some New Year’s Eve countdown show on TV.

That’s pretty much it. There have been a few years where we’ve varied our pattern but this is the regular “no plan” plan for the end of the year.

But I was leaning away from that plan this year, and it was all because of a TV advertisement for a New Year’s Eve show this year.

I saw an ad for this year’s New Year’s Eve show on ABC called, “Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve”.

The problem with this show is that Dick Clark is no longer with us. In fact, he’s been gone for over two years now. What kind of a New Year’s show is it when the host of the show is not really ringing in the new year with you?

How great a new year can it be if the host isn’t joining you in the celebration?

There is just something wrong about it, that almost says there’s nothing worth looking forward to in the new year.

Maybe the executives at ABC are getting older and don’t have the same optimism as they used to, so why not have a deceased person’s name on the advertising? Nothing spells excitement like that!

I had in mind we should change things up this year. It was kind of late to be making plans with only three days to the big day, but I thought we needed to make the night a little more interesting and add a little hope to the evening.

The problem with putting more effort into NYE is that it happens so often that you blink and it’s here again. And you start to think, “Didn’t we just have New Year’s not that long ago?”

That’s what age does though; it speeds up time for you. A year for someone in their 50’s is like a year and a half for someone in their 20’s.

When you’re in your 20’s you can barely remember the last new year’s, and so it’s a big deal every time it comes around.

But when you get a little older, you feel like you just booked your dinner reservations for last December 31, and now you have to do it again already.

When you’re young, a new year offers all kinds of new opportunities and hopes, but when you’re older you just hope things will hold their own in the new year and there won’t be any surprises.

When you think of it, New Year’s Eve is really for the young, or the young at heart.

After some thought, we changed up our plans and went out … but still made it home in time to watch “Dick Clark’s postmortem New Year’s Rockin’ Eve.”

Here’s the thing: If the sound of giving in to getting older doesn’t seem all that good to you, then fight to stay young at heart. Get out of your rut and breathe some hope and excitement into your routines like New Year’s Eve. And while you’re at it, take a look at your relationship with God – have you gotten safe, comfortable, boring with God? Look at this new year as an opportunity to enhance your relationship with God. Consider how you can engage with God in more hope and opportunity.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What did you do on New Year’s Eve this year? Leave your comments below.

by

We Started A New Tradition … Maybe

We all have Christmas traditions. We look forward to them; they bring out the warmth of the season.

FullSizeRender 2

When we lived in Edmonton we had a tradition on Christmas Eve of going out for dinner after our Christmas Eve service. We would go to the Chateau Lacombe Hotel.

It had a revolving restaurant which overlooked the river valley in Edmonton. It was high enough to give a great view of the whole city, especially at night during the Christmas season – the sight was spectacular with all the lights!

Lily and I would always get Chateaubriand for two. It was perfect with live music and a constantly changing panoramic view out the window.

That was our Christmas tradition … well, it was until we moved to Kingston.

Kingston doesn’t have a hotel with a revolving restaurant. In fact, it doesn’t have a restaurant that is open on Christmas Eve, period.

We needed a new tradition for Christmas Eve and that is when we started having a fondue after our Christmas Eve service.

We had some memorable family times together around the table, cooking up big screwers of meat in oil that was at the point of spontaneous combustion.

There was the time that Lily set the table on fire – that was awesome and memorable! … You then keep the tradition just to see if that will happen again!

Fond memories. But like many traditions, that tradition came to an end. Karlie was not able to be with us for the first time this Christmas Eve. She was not able to arrive until about midnight, just shortly before Santa Claus was about to do the present thing and get to bed him and herself.

We needed a new tradition. It would be just Lil, our son Mike and me. We were going to be up waiting for Karlie; we needed something to do.

So I got the bright idea that we should all make our favourite cookies together and have some hot wings to nibble on while we did it.

Everyone was willing to give it a shot (and Karlie wished she had been here to see the whole event).

Lily had laid out bowls and ingredients for each type of cookie Mike and I were going to make. Then she did what she does best.

She hovered, and would say things like, “No, don’t do that. No, that’s not how you do it” …  we had to send her out of the room.

That didn’t stop her from calling instructions from another room like “No, don’t mix that in yet”.

But somehow, through all the distraction, all the mess and debris that kept being flung out of the mixing bowls, we created two kinds of masterly-crafted cookies that melted succulently in our mouths.

The wings weren’t bad either. Lil really chipped in with the clean up, partly because she couldn’t handle the mess we had generated.

Who knows? Maybe it will become a tradition … or maybe not if Lily has her way.

Here’s the thing: Routines can be like traditions and when it comes to making time for God each day, having great traditions or routines make that time more memorable. They make that time something you look forward to. So as you plan how you will spend your time with God in the new year, think of some traditions or routines you can set in place. You will be amazed at the memories you will make with God.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What is your favourite Christmas tradition?

by

Bring On Christmas!

Well, our house is finally decorated for Christmas. It has been about a two week process. We’ve lived in a Christmas construction zone in that time, with boxes and decorations lying in wait to be placed where they need to be.

Christmas Decorations

It’s not just the living room that needs to be decorated, our family room gets almost as much glitter and lights as the upstairs.

For me, I’m glad that it’s all finished now because the in-between stage looks so unfinished and I really don’t like the clutter.

For two weeks I haven’t been able to walk around our pool table and if I need to get in a few more steps for the day, I need that space to pace around in.

But now everything is in place where it should be and the Christmas work site has now turned into a beautiful scene of lights, ornaments and ribbon. Lily’s happy with it and that makes me happy.

Not that I really contributed to the putting up of all the decorations – she has an idea of what she wants to do and I’d probably mess things up if I got involved … at least that’s what I’ve convinced myself of.

Sunday afternoon I sat down on the couch and ended up taking a well-deserved nap. When I awoke, Lily had just finished that last touches on the decorations. I figured I woke up just in time.

She asked what I thought and I said it all looked great. I think she was looking for something more, maybe something more flowery or possibly a “I’ll help take it all down”, but the best I could offer at the time was “great job, dear”.

Hey, I was still waking up.

It’s not like I don’t do anything to contribute to the Christmassy look around our house. I put up the lights outside … and Lil doesn’t help me with them.

I have to risk life and limb going up on a ladder to string the lights along the garage eavestrough and then use an extension ladder to secure the lights along the peak of our roofline.

I don’t see her needing a ladder to put her newly spray-painted star on top of the tree … well maybe a step stool.

I was able to get all my decorating done in one afternoon and not the two weeks that we have had to wade through the junk.

But it’s all good now. We are ready for this season we call Christmas.

The decorations are just a mood-setter for what the season is all about. I think the trimmings trigger memories and alter our mood to usher in a most special time of year where we celebrate the birth of Jesus, God’s Son, who came to restore us to God.

Here’s the thing:  Like decorating for Christmas moves us into experiencing the season with a greater depth of feeling, taking time in the next couple of weeks to focus your attention on Jesus and His birth will move you to cherish Him more. The thing is, like putting up the decorations takes effort, take effort to spend some time in God’s Word around the miracle of the Messiah’s birth.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: How much effort goes into preparing for your Christmas? Leave your comment below.

by

Embarrassment Can Last Forever

I’m sure everyone, at some point, has wanted to kick themselves for something they did or said.  For many of us, this happens rather frequently … too frequently for my liking.

prayer meeitng

I remember entering a Sunday School class when I was in my teens and making a snide remark about the teacher, thinking he wasn’t there yet … only to hear the teacher respond. At that moment, I wanted to take my words back.

As I recall, I didn’t remain in the class for the whole lesson that Sunday.

Then there was the time I was with a bunch of friends on a bus and I saw a man burning leaves on his front lawn. I yelled some comment out to the man which, in the moment, I thought was quite witty.

But all my friends thought it was lame – I mean really lame! I was pretty embarrassed at that moment, and every once in a while, even 40 years later, I still feel like kicking myself for making that comment.

The times we stick our foot in our mouth – or do something so dumb that the actors of “Dumb and Dumber 2” would be embarrassed for us – stay with us and its hard to forget them.

But the worst are the times we say or do things that hurt someone else. Those are the worst because it’s about more than just being mortified or humiliated; you’ve caused someone pain as a result.

By the time you’re in your 50’s, you’d think those days would be over. When the person is a loved one, like a daughter, you’d think this couldn’t happen.

But it did happen with me the other day. I was in a meeting … a prayer meeting. Four of us had grouped together and shared some personal things we wanted prayer for.

I was just about to pray for my daughter Karlie – in fact, the first few words had come out of my mouth – when my phone started to ring.

I know, you’re supposed to turn your phone off in the movies, services and prayer meetings. Well I hadn’t, and my ringer is a funky piano tune.

I panicked and went for my phone, quickly swiping my finger across the screen and answering it.

Of course being in a prayer meeting I couldn’t talk loudly, so I quietly said, “Hang on; I’m in a meeting,” as I moved to an exit.

That’s right, I left praying for my daughter to answer a phone call!

I was kicking myself all the way to the exit. And I’ve been kicking myself ever since!

How could someone do that? How could I do that? What message did I send my daughter in that moment?

I know this is one of those moments that I will cringe about every time I think of it … for years! You can’t take your actions back; you can’t undo what’s been done.

All I could do is say, “I’m sorry, Karlie. I panicked and did the wrong thing. Will you forgive me?”

Here’s the thing:  When we sin, that memory can linger with us and Satan can use it against us to discourage us, to make us too embarrassed to go to God with it. But the best thing, the only thing we should do, is confess our sin to God and move on from there. You can’t take it back. You might not even be able to forget it, but it doesn’t have to keep you from restoring your relationship with God.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What’s one of your most embarrassing moments and what did you do about it?  Leave your comment below.

by

A Hockey Game To Remember

I went to a hockey game with my son the other day and realized just how much genetics and upbringing shape and mould us.

father son hockey

I remember growing up thinking that I was pretty unique, like there was no one identical to me. I was pretty naive back then – maybe suffering from an “I am special” complex that I’m sure annoyed some people … especially my parents and siblings.

But early in my twenties, I began to notice that I wasn’t all that “special” in the way I thought, in what I liked and disliked, in some of my habits, and in my choices.

I also noticed that my parents had lots of traits that I have; they were a lot like me. My first thought was, “They must be special too!”

But you know, just coming out of my teen years when I knew everything, I was quite conscious of the fact that they weren’t all that special … which left me with the realization that maybe I wasn’t all that special either.

Over the years I’ve realized that a part of what I am like is a direct result of being the procreation of Don and Helen. And then, added to that, a large part of who I am is also a result of growing up in an environment with them.

My genetics may determine how I process information, but my upbringing has shaped the angle,  view, or perspective from which I start to process that information.

When you think about it, our heritage – biological and environmental – has a huge part to play in us.

I was thinking about that when my son and I were talking together at the hockey game. He’s about the age now that I was at when I started to realize some of these things.

Our conversation uncovered how the pattern that formed who I am, is the same pattern that has been shaping him.

I understand some of the struggles he’s gone through … I could share similar stories from my days being in my twenties. There were times when we knew what each other was thinking.

We were both comfortable being in a hockey arena and also reflecting on the game and reminiscing about games we’ve played.

From the time he was little we’ve been watching sports together, especially hockey. When he was really little, in some fanciful way, he thought I played for the Toronto Maple Leafs, even though we would watch the first period together on TV … in Edmonton.

He’s developed a love for hockey and many sports probably because it has been part of his environment and was encouraged in our home growing up.

He even learned to share my love for the Toronto Maple Leafs … No, sorry, that’s genetic.

Here’s the thing: The goal of a Christian is to become more like Christ. Part of that is genetics, because we are made in His image. But a large part of that has to do with the environment we live in. If you are going to be transformed more into the likeness of Christ, you need to make sure your environment will produce those kinds of results. That means being around those who are ahead of you in the transformation process, and it will mean developing the habits and thinking of Christ which we find in His word. To become more like Christ, arrange your environment so that you come under that maximum influence of the Son of God.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: How have you arranged your environment to come under the influence of Christ? Leave your comment below.