my family

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Sometimes Change is Difficult

As your family gets older, you find some things change, some things don’t. This year, for a change, we decided to celebrate Thanksgiving up at our cottage.

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It’s the first time that all four of us have been there at the same time. We’ve owned it for about five years, but for most of that time our daughter Karlie has been out of the province.

And son Mike, well, he came up once the first year with some buddies and it was cold, rainy and miserable the whole time. He’s never been back.

But times change. Karlie now lives only a couple hours away and Mike, well, we twisted his arm, with the promise of a golf game.

This was going to be a big deal, so my wife Lily spent most of Saturday preparing food, baking, and gathering what she would need to build a Thanksgiving turkey dinner up at Sauble Beach.

As I started to pack the car Sunday afternoon, that’s when I noticed that not all things change somethings remain the same.

When we used to go away as a family, the day we packed and left was always a little tense for Lily. In the last while, when it’s just been the two of us, she’s been much more relaxed about it.

Not yesterday. Some latent matriarchal hormone kicked in and she was in my face while I was packing the car. She was stressed and hovering around me. I could feel a couple of very intense eyes, burrowing holes in the back of my head like lasers.

It was not an easy task to pull off, even without her there. Our car is a small Hyundai Accent and we had to cram two golf bags in it, along with all the food and other stuff … a big change from when the kids were little and we used to travel in a big ol’ Safari van, a 7-seater for the four of us.

On our way up, we had to grab some dinner. However, I made the mistake of not stopping where there was a variety of restaurants, opting to get farther on our journey.

Well, by the time we found a restaurant most of us were happy to eat at, we were all pretty hungry. However, when we got inside, Mike didn’t want anything on the menu. We all ate except him.

It just reminded me of going camping one time as a family when my dad was with us. We had stopped to eat at a restaurant of Dad’s choosing, and somehow Mike – who was about 14 at the time – didn’t like the menu and didn’t eat anything. This experience was like deja vu!

But when we got up to the cottage that’s when I noticed the biggest change. We were all sitting around talking, I fell asleep in my chair, and the kids took the car into town to grab a midnight snack.

Here’s the thing: In order to develop your relationship with God, you have to notice the things in your life that are resistant to change – attitudes, emotions and actions. You have to acknowledge them, confess them and figure out a way to get beyond them so that you can continue to grow closer to God.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What have you found to be hard to change in your life? Leave your comment below.

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Mistake After Mistake

A few weeks ago, I wrote about a new project Lily and I are working on at our house. We’re putting new closet doors in our bedroom. (You can read that blog here.)

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At that time, it was mostly an idea to follow through on. I had taken the old closet doors off, and since then ordered new doors and begun the work of widening the closet opening.

It was going pretty well … up until last Saturday.

Our new sliding doors arrived and all I needed to do was set the door jams in the frame to make the finished opening the right size.

… It sounds pretty simple, but this is the very reason why I would never make it as a carpenter.  You see, I’m just not that good at getting things level and square and … precise.

I’m more of a rough estimate kind of guy. I also am much better at demolition than I am at construction. I had no problem taking off the drywall (though Lily didn’t like the mess), and I was pretty good and creative at removing a couple of 2×4 studs on either side of the opening.

That part went so smoothly, I even thought I kind of liked doing this project …

… until I remembered my mother’s words to me and my brother when we were young and had just broken another one of her Hummel figurines: “You two should go into the demolition business when you get older because you’re really good at it.”

… until Saturday. That’s the day I needed to put the door jams in. All that required of me was to make sure my opening was large enough, nail three pieces of wood together (two sides and a top piece), and shim it in level and square.

That’s it. It sounds so simple but it took so long! I had to call in the cavalry (my son, Mike), and even between the two of us, we worked all afternoon on it.

When it was done, the sides were pretty level and square, but the joint at one of the corners was splitting. I didn’t care at that point. I figured we could cover that up some how.

So we put up the tracks for the doors to hang on. That part was easy. But when we went to hang the door panels, we realized I had not calculated enough for the height of the doors.

They rubbed on the carpet so that it took a little effort to slide them back and forth.

I was pretty discouraged and didn’t know what to do. I really didn’t want to take that jam out after spend a whole day putting it in.

But by the next morning, I realized I needed to do it. So I did what I do best … I demoed the door jams and took out a 2×4 at the top and replaced it with a 1×4.

Now all I have to do is put in the new jam, and shim it level and square. Sounds simple, right?

Oh brother, here we go again!

Here’s the thing: When you make a mistake, the last thing you want to do is correct it. You try to cover it up, make do with it, even blame someone else for it. But the only way to really fix it is to correct the mistake. This applies to sin in your life too. Don’t cover it up; don’t make do with it or blame someone else. Go to God and correct it. Then you can move on.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: How have you dealt with mistakes you’ve made? Leave your comment below.

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Our New Project

We just started a new home project at our house. You wouldn’t really notice much if you came over. There’s no design consultants or construction workers around.

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There’s not even any building materials laying around that might tip you off.

The only hint that we’ve begun a new project is our bedroom closet has no doors as of two days ago.

I took a bit of a risk taking the doors off the closet; there is a chance our clothes will be exposed to the room for months. But it was a calculated risk that I was willing to make.

Several weeks ago, Lily and I got the idea while roaming through an Ikea store. We saw some closet organizers that looked amazing. That got me going on a bit of a long-standing tirade about closets and bifold doors.

First of all, it really bugs me that builders construct the opening of a closet about two feet narrower than the actual closet width. That means you have to blindly reach into the corners to get at the clothes that are out of sight, beyond the opening.

To make matters worse, builders then put bi-fold doors on those closets, narrowing the opening again by another foot. Now you’re about two feet way from the farthest piece in your closet.

Frankly, I can’t remember what is back there because I haven’t seen it in about 10 years! There may be pants or a shirt from the eighties for all I know. I can barely reach that far past the closet doors to grab at it.

My beef is if your closet is 100 inches wide, why not make the opening the same width?

So now we’re going to do something about this. We are going to make our closet opening wider and we’re going to put sliding doors on the closet instead of those blasted bi-folds.

We checked out a local hardware store that can order some custom-made sliding doors that Lily likes. We know what doors we like … we just haven’t ordered them yet.

Since even a great idea won’t happen unless you do something, I decided that this project will become something of a dream – or nightmare – unless we take some action. So I took the doors off the closet.

Our bedroom looks like it is in an unfinished state and that’s exactly the look I’m going for right now. It’s one little step to spur us on to the next little step. And all those little moves we make will get us to complete this project.

The key to doing anything is to start. It doesn’t have to be a big start, but – talk all you want, plan till you’re old – it’s not going to materialize unless you make a move.

Here’s the thing: If you’re a seeker with questions about God, you’ll always be a seeker unless you take a step towards getting answers to your questions. If you’re a believer and are unsatisfied with your walk with Christ right now, you will remain frustrated until you make a move to walk closer to God. If you’re serving and don’t feel you’re making a difference, you’ll continue to be discouraged without trying a new ministry opportunity. It only takes one small action to get you moving in a direction that can lead to completion.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What have you been frustrated with that needs to become a project? Leave your comment below.

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Why Anniversaries Are Special

Special days and anniversaries often come and go without giving them too much thought. There are, however, certain special days that are more special than others.

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Though every birthday is special, when someone turns 16 that’s extra special because they can obtain a driver’s license. At eighteen you are considered an adult and get to vote, so that’s special. Depending where you live, 19 or 21 is a special day for dubious reasons.

It seems that span of about five years is littered with extra special days. But after that, the special days like birthdays and anniversaries seem to come in 10 year periods like 30, 40, 50, et cetera.

Some people look forward to these special days; others pretend they didn’t happen.

It’s more likely that someone will want to hide the fact they have reached an age milestone, while being quite proud of reaching an anniversary achievement.

Yesterday I celebrated my 29th wedding anniversary with my wife, Lily. Twenty-nine is not one of those special anniversary dates – 30 is a big deal but 29 is just a run-of-the-mill anniversary.

It doesn’t even have a name or gift associated with it. I figured the gift for the 29th anniversary would be brunch at “Milestones” the restaurant.

It had to be something like that because I have to save up for next year’s anniversary which is “pearl”.

I had a great aunt named “Pearl” and it would’ve been nice to bring her over for tea or something on our 30th … she would be about 115 now. Auntie Pearl passed away 20 years ago so I can’t use her as my “pearl” gift to Lily on our 30th.

It’s a good thing I have a year to figure it out.

But getting back to this no-name 29th anniversary of ours. Though on the surface it doesn’t seem hardly worth getting a card to even acknowledge the day, it is in fact a very special anniversary to me.

On this day I have now been married for exactly half my life – the most recent half, I might add.

That’s significant. Think of all the years you grew up in your home with your family, and then all the years you hung out with friends and went to school, and the years you figured out what career you were going to go for.

Think of all the fun and hardships of the years you spend before you were married, the experiences and adventures, all the people, all the laughter, tears, worry.

Well, all of that, I’ve done all over again with Lily. It’s like I’ve lived life twice, once single and now a second time married.

So you see, my 29th anniversary is a special day. It should be called something, even at the very least, the “corrugated paper” anniversary.

Hey, that’s a great idea! I could get Lily a box, and I could fill the box with hope … hope that next year she’ll get a pearl on her anniversary.

Here’s the thing: Have you ever compared your life before Christ to the time you’ve spent with Him? The experiences, the adventures, the joys, laughter, tears and worry? Have you ever considered just how significant your life with Christ has been so far compared to your life before you knew Him? Take some time to reflect on that, and praise God for your relationship with Him.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What has been a particularly special date or memory you have had with Christ?  Leave your comment below.

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How Your Words Carry A Lot Of Weight

I think I may be helping my wife lose her mind. We have more power in what we say than we realize, so we really need to make sure what we say is true and right.

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Recently, Lily and I were getting ready to go on a vacation. There was just one glitch. I had to do some scrambling to get a post-dated pay cheque. But I finally got it and we took off.

Things were going well for the first bit of vacation when I realized it was past pay day. So I said to Lily, “We have to get my cheque in the bank”, and promptly got the reply of “where is it?”

I couldn’t believe she was asking that question because I was positive I had given it to her when I came home. So I told her, “You have it!”

She looked at me with a stunned look and I could almost see the wheels in her brain spinning back and forth trying desperately to remember where she had put the cheque.

Both of our minds were now working overtime trying to figure out where this cheque was. We both started looking in places where we might have put it and even places where there’s no way it would be.

All the time I kept telling Lily, “I gave it to you”. And, to be honest, I only thought I gave it to her but I couldn’t actually remember handing her the cheque.

This mini crisis went on for a while. Lily called our son to see if he had seen it at home. She checked to see if we could get by without it. There was even talks of contingency plans of having it couriered to us.

All the while, I was drumming it into Lily’s mind that I had given her the cheque.

For about twenty minutes this kept up, and I was trying to retrace my steps in my head because I thought maybe I hadn’t given my cheque to Lily … not that I was going to publicly admit that out loud!

As I went through my steps, I picked up a folded piece of paper on the coffee table in our cottage. Although I had looked at this paper before, I had only glanced at it because, of course, I had given my pay to Lily.

This time I unfolded the paper and looked at what was there. Guess what? My pay cheque was inside. It all came back to me how I got the cheque and what I did with it.

At this point, however, Lily blurted out, “No wonder I think I’m losing my mind! It’s you planting thoughts in my head that aren’t true that get me worrying that I’m not able to remember things!”

Now she thinks it’s my secret plan to drive her crazy!

Here’s the thing: It’s not a good thing to lead someone to believe something that’s not true. It’s criminal to lead someone to believe something about God and His Word that’s not true. We need to be very careful when speaking for God that our words are not just hearsay. The answer is to know God’s Word and then be careful using words like “God told me” or “God says”. Make sure it’s really true before you lead someone to believe it.

That’s Life

Paul

Question: Have you led someone to believe something that you later found out was not true? I’d like to here your thoughts; you can leave your comment below.

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What You Give Your Attention To Will Be Important To You

I believe something will fade in its importance to you when you stop paying attention to it. I stumbled on this principle this week.

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He’s gone, and he’s not coming back. No more Winston the turtle in our house. No more swimming frantically when someone passed by his tank. No more bashing into the tank glass when he would get scared off his rock.

Oh, he’s still living. He has a life expectancy of about 25 – 30 years, so I figure he has over twenty years of life left.

Winston is just no longer in our home. It was a bit of a sad day. Lily and Karlie drained the tank, packed up the filter and all the other paraphernalia, and took him to a new home.

You know, when my kids were young, when I came home they would come running to the door to see me and give me big hugs. Since they’ve grown up, it’s been Winston who has excitedly paddled at the edge of his tank when I came home.

It might have been that he wanted me to feed him instead of just being happy to see me … I can think what I want, can’t I? He can’t speak for himself.

Winston didn’t get all that much attention at our house. Karlie lives in another city, and Mike, though living in town, didn’t have much to do with him.

So it was down to Lily and I to take note of him and I mostly talked to him as I was passing by the living room.

That left Lily to care for him … and she did more than just talk to him. She fed him, cleaned his tank and filter, and took him out to let him walk around.

It’s Lily who had the hardest time saying good bye.

Lil would hold him and stroke the underside of his neck which he seemed to like. I guess there’s no more of that now.

He’s been gone less than a week and I still find myself looking over to that corner when I enter the living room to make sure I don’t scare him off his tanning rock.

Now he’s with a good family, with three kids to watch him, feed him, walk him, and give him more attention than we could.

But they need to be aware that Winston is a passive pet. And by that, I mean you have to go to him; he doesn’t come over to you to get petted or hugged or have his hand held. (I would hold his hand or paw after I fed him).

The poor little guy is gone. … But already our house is feeling like it’s back to normal.

Here’s the thing: You get attached to any pet, but the more interaction you have with that pet, the more important it will be to you, and the harder it is to say good bye. The same is true with attending church. The more interaction you have with Christ and His people, the more important they will be to you, and the harder it is to stay away. It’s easier to stay away from church when you are a passive attender. Make sure then you develop close connections with friends at church.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What is one excuse you’ve used to miss going to church in the last 3 months? I’d really like to hear from you; you can leave your comment below.

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How To Develop Neatness in Your Children

I wonder if neatness is something that you grow into, just like you grow into new sizes of clothes and how you grow into a new set of teeth. It just happens as you get older.

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My son, Mike, has been home for the last week, in-between places. The old apartment lease was up at the end of the month but the new place, which I like to call the “Park St. I Palace” (or PIP for short), was not ready yet.

I call the new place the PIP because it’s on Park Street and it’s all about being independent and out of all the grungy holes he’s lived in while at university. This place is palatial!

So with this transition period, Mike needed a place to store his furniture and stuff. The furniture we put in the garage, and the stuff, well, it took over three rooms in the house and then leaked a little more into the living room and a bathroom.

Whoa! I forgot what his room was like when he was in high school; now there’s just more of it. I remember being messy when I lived at home (and I wouldn’t say that I’m a neat freak now), but Mike takes messy to a new level of disorder.

Since I’m much neater now, I figure there is a chance Mike will become neater, too. You see, he just hasn’t grown into his neatness yet.

The thing is, you can predict when you grow into some things, like your new teeth. It starts happening around six and by about twelve you have your new set that will last you a lifetime … or until you get a few knocked out playing hockey or something.

But you can’ t predict when you’ll grow into your neatness. For our daughter Karlie, I think it was somewhere between her second and third year of university.

For me, my neatness didn’t come until after I was married, and then there was some mandatory instruction that came with it via my wife.

Possibly, it’ll take a similar scenario for Mike to really grow into his neatness … but he’s pretty remedial so I’m not sure it will be easy on her, whoever that might be.

Some good news for everyone involved in this transition was that the PIP was ready earlier than anticipated and he moved in on Saturday. I helped a little and what I liked right away was the smell of fresh paint when I walked in. The place was clean and bright.

As I looked around at how nice a spot it was, I wondered if he will grow into his neatness there in the PIP. You never know what might kick off a growth spurt.

The great thing for Lily and me is the dishevelled look of the house has returned to its original state. For Lily this is a blessing because now she’s just back to picking up after one mess monster instead of two.

Here’s the thing: We might think we will naturally grow in our relationship with God. But our human tendency is to grow apart from Him. We must make a conscious effort and take specific steps to grow closer to Christ. We must put ourselves in a place where we are learning and discovering and applying His principles to our lives – like being mentored, or joining a small group, or taking a class, or studying the Bible on your own.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question:  So what are you doing to grow in Christ? I’d love to hear from you; you can leave a comment below.

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How To Get Moving On Spring Cleaning

You know it’s spring when you get invited to sweep out your garage. The other day my wife informed me that she was going out to sweep all the dirt and grit from the winter out of our garage.

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I knew right away that this information was intel that I was to gather for a secret mission that was coming up – specifically the mission was to come on out and help her sweep.

I pretended that I was still gathering data on the subject to delay my decision, but after a few minutes I decided to at least check up on the operation in the garage.

Just as I thought, she was doing a great job. But the work had halted because she was talking to our neighbour. That’s one of the problems with working outside in the spring – everyone’s outside.

To make it worse, we haven’t seen them or talked to them much because all winter we drive right into our garage and go in the house. Now that the weather is sort of, thinking about turning warmer, people are outside and we have to catch up.

That makes tasks like sweeping out the garage take twice as long. I had joined the conversation but when we were done I grabbed the other broom and started sweeping with Lily.

Of course I wasn’t doing it quite the way she likes it done. Apparently the broom I was using creates a little more dust in the air than her broom. Or was it the technique that she used that kept the dust from forming clouds in the air? I’m not sure.

Once we settled that dust issue, however, we really were working like a machine. I wouldn’t say I would eat off the garage floor but it was looking pretty clean.

That’s not to say that there won’t be other missions out to the garage to clean and put things away. I noticed that we have a mission to the dump coming up soon.

This operation will have to take place in the next few days and it will involve our son who has a large vehicle this week. I’m just concerned that our communications have some outside interference (his friends) and we may miss the target unless we move in quickly.

All these covert operations that are signs that spring is upon us gave me a desire to try an overt operation. I’ve been waiting to do this for a while now.

I took my bike rack that I got for Christmas and mounted it on the roof of my car. There was no camouflaging this from aerial surveillance or from ground recon work.

The rack is in plain view and is a clear signal to all that spring is here, even though we need the temperature to warm up a bit to feel like it’s spring.

Here’s the thing: Having a quiet time with God is so important because though it is more of a covert action – something that no one else really sees – it is something that prepares you for what lies ahead. You will be far more prepared to face the challenges and opportunities that will come if you have prepared your heart with God first, in your private time with Him.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question:  What do you have to clean up that won’t be noticed too much but will make a big difference just the same? I’d love to hear from you. You can leave a comment below.

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Having Trouble Deciding On A Movie?

Sometimes I wonder how compatible my wife and I really are. In lots of areas we fit together well, but when it comes to movie selection we are opposites.

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For instance, last night we thought of going to the theatre, but the one movie out of umpteen choices that we could agree upon was going to start too late for Lily’s liking. The alternative was to rent a movie at home.

I went to work at finding something that I liked and Lil might be able to tolerate but after about a half hour of watching trailers I kind of gave up. I’d seen several that I would rent in a flash but not with Lily.

We are so opposite that way. She likes romantic movies that are also a little funny … and you know those movies are found under the genre of “Sappy”.

I, on the other hand, like movies that are mostly action. My motto is if nothing’s going to get blown up and no one’s going to get shot at, it’s really not worth seeing.

There is one tiny area that we have in common: we both like movies that have some comedy in them.

I don’t really like straight comedies because they tend to also be very stupid movies. And I know it’s not nice to use the word “stupid” any more, so instead I’ll just say, Jim Carrey, Will Ferrell, Seth Rogen. I could use more words, but I’m sure you get the picture.

Lily feels the same way, so we look for movies that are funny but not ridiculous.

So when Lily looks for a movie we can watch together she looks for something romantic and a little funny. When I look for a movie to watch with her it’s an action movie that has some funny lines in it. That’s the best we can do.

Last night I found nothing matching our criteria. Quite frankly, they don’t make many movies in those categories.

I figure the movie industry must do a lot of polling to find out what people like to watch, and if they’re not making many advent-edies or rom-edies, then there must be something wrong with Lily and I.

Either that or the movie industry has a secret plan to break up marriages. You know that’s not a far-fetched theory when you think of the content out there that’s degrading and damaging to marriage … maybe there’s something there for the conspiracy theorists to work on.

That still doesn’t help my problem when I want to go to the theatre or stay at home and watch a movie with my wife. It doesn’t help us feel compatible either.

I’m not sure how we are going to solve this dilemma, but last night Lily got busy working on a project and I . . . well, I watched a movie that had some pretty big explosions in it.

Here’s the thing: In a small group setting we look at the same Bible passage and glean from it together. But there are areas of your life that need specific and personal application. Don’t neglect a personal time with God, just because you study the Bible with others. You need both.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: How have you neglected personal growth because you focussed on group input?  I’d love to hear from you. You can leave your comment below.

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How To Delegate Responsibility To Your Children

You know the saying, “If you give a man a fish you feed him for a day; if you teach a man to fish you feed him for a life time”? I think I may have just taught my daughter to fish.

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I don’t really mean she’s become a fisherman, or fisherwoman, or even a fisher person. I mean that I think I’ve just taught my daughter to do her own income tax.

When your children grow up, you look back on those key moments in their lives where you are proud of their accomplishments and think, “Wow, we’ve just come through a milestone.”

… Things like their first step, learning to tie their shoes, getting their driver’s license, graduating from university, and learning to complete their own tax returns.

I need to pause for a moment . . . haaaaa . . . my little girl is all grown up now.

There is a method that one should use in teaching someone else something. Normally you first show them the tax form so they know what it looks like. Then you show them their completed form so they know there’s some work involved.

The next step is to have them watch you do it, and ask questions along the way. And finally, you watch them do it, and then hand them their income tax file from previous years and say, “It’s all your responsibility now.”

Well, I just did all that in one year, one day, actually in a couple of hours. I’m not sure it will all stick, but I think she’s got the basics so that I may only get a phone call or two next year, if her fishing line gets caught on the rocks … I mean if she runs into a snag.

The one thing I’m a little worried about is that she will approach income tax with the same dread and disdain that I do. She’s heard my frustration, she’s felt the chill in the basement when I’m working on it and she knew to stay clear of dad.

It’s no secret I don’t like income tax season. I wrote about it in a blog last year called, “The Season I Hate The Most”. You can read that one here.

I hope my attitude doesn’t rub off on her. Maybe I should change my attitude, but I’ve been doing income taxes for myself and my family for way over 30 years. That’s not an easy attitude adjustment to make.

I wouldn’t say tax season comes as a surprise to me each spring, but It’s funny how this attitude arrives every year at this time. It’s not that funny, however. It’s only funny like hitting your funny bone (a sharp pain that lingers for a while).

One thing I know, this is the first year Karlie is getting a big refund, and she’s all excited about income tax for the first time in her life. Here’s hoping that attitude continues.

Here’s the Thing: When we’re young we lean on our parents for our spiritual base. We follow their influence or tradition, even their approach to spiritual things and faith. In essence, we let them do all our spiritual work. But we have to take responsibility for our own spiritual lives. We have to go from leaning on our parents, to having a personal relationship with God. If we don’t, we will always be relying on a parent, a pastor, or someone to feed us spiritually.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What have you done to take responsibility for your spiritual life?

I’d love to hear from you; you can leave a comment below.