My son turned 23 the other day, and what stood out to me is just how much his life has paralleled mine so far.
I thought for a moment that I had a “do-over” in him. And I wondered if a lot of parents think that … they see their son or daughter as a way to correct or change their own path. In some cases, they see their children as a way to fulfill a long-lost dream.
I didn’t dwell on that very long because I realized that he has some living ahead of him that I have no desire to do over.
When I look back, I don’t want to have to finish my education, or decide on a career, or choose a mate, or a number of other things. No, that’s for Mike to go through. All I can do, or want to do, is be a sounding board for him in all those things.
But still, it’s hard not to dream for him and want to make decisions for him when I see him having to make the same decisions and going through the same circumstances as I did.
There are times I want to shout out, “Choose this”, or “Do that and you will save yourself time and pain”.
But that would be cheating him out of figuring out life. That would be keeping him from growing up. That would be preventing him from becoming himself instead of a do-over of dad.
Besides, when we’re 23 there’s something inside us that compels us to experience things for ourselves and not take the advice of the wise sage.
We went out for dinner to celebrate this occasion. And there was a young family who sat at a table across from us: a mom, a dad and a daughter about 6 years old. I looked back at my family, all adults now, and flashed back to remember days long ago when my children were young
How often I have said, “Wow, he’s a lot like me in the way he thinks and the things he does, the choices he makes. Even his physical development parallels mine.”
Mike laughs at me and calls me a fatty. But I look at him, knowing my physique was identical at his age and say, “This is all yours in thirty five years!”
I never had this conversation with my dad, but I know there were lots of parallels between us, too.
Back at home to open presents after dinner, the last present he opened was a new 3 wood. I could see the excitement in his eyes, the longing to get on the golf course and play.
That’s something that he has become passionate about through his friends. It’s also with his friends that he has developed his ability. Though I share the same love for the game, he didn’t catch the bug from me.
But even in that, he parallels my life: picking up the game from a friend and being mentored in golf by him.
What’s good is we can play together and maybe this will be the year he finally beats me.
Here’s the thing: A relationship with God is personal and though it may look like your journey to God parallels someone else’s, each relationship with God is unique. You can’t replicate your relationship with God in someone else. However, you can fellowship together in your relationships with God.
That’s Life!
Paul
Question: In what ways has your life paralleled someone else’s?
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Thanks Paul – I needed that one. Clear and yet profound.
Your blog reminded me of a chick-flick I was watching the other day (you wouldn’t want to sit through it). A grandmother is searching for the love from her youth and when they drive up to a mansion her grandson says, “Wow Gran, this would be great. Skip all the messy bits and go straight to this.”
She pauses and then replies, “Life IS the messy bits.”
I will try to remind myself of your blog as my kids figure out life.
Hi Helen, Thanks for the comment and for the warning not to watch that movie.