communication

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Being Present Is Not As Easy As You Might Think

It should be a no-brainer, but when you are present, you should be present. 

being present is not as easy as you might think

We know that though we can be physically present, our minds can be somewhere completely different. We often call this daydreaming or being distracted.

Not being present can take many forms … like when my kids were little and wanted me to play with them, but I was watching a sporting event on TV.

With my eyes on the TV, watching the game, they’d be diving off the couch onto my back. I managed to wrestle and play while I had one and a half eyes glued to the television.  

It took talent to pull that off, but it’s an example of not being present. 

My wife, Lily, has also caught me not being present … not in wrestling but in conversations.  

Many times she has tried to communicate something important to me over the phone while I have been working on my computer. I guess I’m not good at talking and focussing on a screen at the same time. 

She has asked me something, followed either by a long pause or me asking her to repeat the few words she had just spoken.

She would know I was distracted by something and would often say, “Are you working on your computer?”

Busted again! I would have to take my hands off the keyboard and sit back in my chair to be present in the conversation. 

The same thing happened many times in high school. I remember sitting in the back of history class as the teacher went on about the political climate in the world just before World War I … while I was writing out the lyrics to Elton John songs for my buddy sitting next to me. 

There was no question that I would be marked present for attending history class, but really I was not present at all.

I think it’s a matter of discipline to force ourselves to be attentive and present in the space we are in. 

One might think that this should get easier as we get older, but it doesn’t. 

The other day I was sitting on the sofa at my cottage reading. Yet while I was reading, I found myself thinking about other things.

My thoughts went in a completely different direction from the topic I was looking at with my eyes. In fact, I was thinking about doing three things that had nothing to do with what I was reading. 

I was not present with that book. 

We need discipline to get back to being present. … I picked up a pen and paper and wrote those three things down. 

The simple act of acknowledging those thoughts by writing them down gives your mind the confidence that you will not forget them.

You can get to them later so you can focus on what you are doing now. That’s being present. 

Here’s the thing: This distraction from being present often plagues me when I am spending time with God. I get thoughts of what I need to do that day, or thoughts of projects I’d like to be doing. To get back to being present with God, I write them down to relieve my mind of them and to get back to being attentive to the conversation I am having with the Lord. Try it, it works. 

That’s Life! 

Paul

Question: When do you find being present the hardest? Leave your comments and questions below.

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Good Technical Support People Make Life Easier

Good technical help is not easy to come by … and it’s not because the skill and know-how are hard to find.

good technical support people make life easier

When you visit another country and they speak a language that you do not, there is definitely a communication barrier. I’ve been to several countries where I didn’t speak the language. I could communicate but it was not very easy.

A few times I have preached with an interpreter and that takes a little getting used to. You need to keep your sentences short and only speak a couple of sentences at a time. Then you just hope that the interpreter is telling the people what you said … and not telling them what he thinks of what you said or how you are dressed. When you didn’t tell a joke but the people laugh at what the interpreter says, you get a little suspicious.

My wife, Lily, and I went to Quebec City for a vacation one year. Fortunately, Lily can speak a little French and she understands more than she can speak. For myself, after bonjour, I’m a little thin on my French. 

In grades seven and eight I learned how to say pen and pencil and a few other words. But that will not get you far, especially if you are trying to order a meal. You won’t find pencil lead or ink on the menu.

I also have the ability to  speak words with a French accent so they sound French. … You should hear me say “dessert”.

But you can’t really communicate effectively with what I have to work with. 

In Quebec I would get off to a great start with my “bonjour” but then when they would say something back to me, I would just look at Lily, sort of like,”Okay, take it from here.”

This week I’ve been trying to switch our church website hosting from one company to another. Basically we are creating a brand new website. The new website will be easier to use and update, but it doesn’t seem to be easy to switch it from the old site.

Part of the difficulty in making the switch is that the technical support people, from each company involved, are speaking a different language. 

On the surface it appears they all communicate in English. But that’s misleading because what they say is very difficult to understand. 

Maybe they are too used to talking to computers and they have lost the art of communicating with humans. Maybe they only know certain phrases and words in English so they stick to the phrases they know. 

I had technical help from three companies: my new website host, my old website host, and my URL name registrar. After a day and a half it seemed like none of them could or were willing to help. They knew the solution but they didn’t communicate it to me in terms that were clear to me. 

I just needed to ask the right questions and listen carefully to their answers. 

Here’s the thing: Some people feel like that with God. They ask God questions or for certain things but they don’t get or understand the answers. The thing is God will communicate to us clearly, but often we are not really listening very well. Listen to God with your eyes, your mind, your heart and your ears. He is speaking clearly to you. 

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: In what way do you need to improve your listening skills with God? Leave your comments and questions below.

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Silent Communication 

Have you ever wished you had gotten the silent treatment? You know, when someone refuses to speak to you even if you coax them?

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I can’t say that I’ve experienced that in my marriage. Neither Lily nor I use that method of communication.

It sounds funny to say “silence” and “communication” in the same sentence. But we do communicate through silence.

I had an instructor once who had a line he would use all the time in teaching leadership. He would say, “You can not not communicate.” It had a double negative thing going on and sounded funny to hear and to say, but it’s true.

Even in silence there is communication.

When someone goes silent, they may be communicating that they’re mad – believe me, it doesn’t take a mind reader to figure that out!

That’s just one thing that silence can communicate; there are many others …

When someone is silent, it might mean they are sad, depressed, don’t know the answer or don’t know what to say. … Mind you, there are a lot of people who don’t know things but it doesn’t stop them from sharing what they don’t know with words that almost sound like they do know!

Often when someone is silent, we don’t like it. We get uncomfortable when there is silence; we’re so used to having something in the background, some kind of noise.

When we drive in a car, we often have a radio or music playing, even if it’s low and hard to hear. It’s better than just plain silence.

In my car, silence is never an issue. I always have the sound of wind that gets louder the faster you go. They usually call that white noise, but what I experience is beyond white noise.

White noise is gentle, quiet, relaxing, in the background. In my car it sounds like a hurricane is going to break through the glass at any moment and whisk me out of Kansas, right to the land of OZ!

Silence, however, can be appreciated. We have all been in those conversations that we just wished and prayed would end.

Children with their inquisitive minds can make us long for silence … that’s when you play the car game, “Let’s see who can hold their breath the longest as we drive by this grave yard.” Oh, the quiet bliss of those moments of dead air space!

Two people who are very comfortable can remain silent in the same room or place, maybe reading different books, or thinking on their own. But it gets weird if it goes on too long, before someones says, “Hey, listen to what I just read” or “What are you thinking about that’s so funny?”

We were made to communicate, and we do it even in silence. Even when there is nothing to say, even when we can’t find the words to express what we are feeling or thinking.

Here’s the thing: Sometimes God seems silent, and we desperately want to hear from Him. Unfortunately, we don’t have a face or body language to look at to give us a clue as to what He is communicating to us in the silence. The one thing we should not stop doing is seeking to understand what His silence means. Don’t give up; don’t turn away. Keep coaxing, keep investigating what God is saying in the silence.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What do you feel when God is silent? Leave your comment below.

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How Do You Feel About Your Cell Phone Company?

I wonder if there is anyone who is completely thrilled with their cell phone company.  We seem to have a love/hate relationship with them.  It doesn’t really matter which company; they all irritate us to some degree.

It’s either that monthly mystery fee, or the plans they offer that are never exactly what we want.  But the biggest problem with cell phone companies is communication.

That’s right! – these communication companies are horrible at communication, the very business they’re in.  I have two family members who are ready to tear their hair out over the ineptitude of two different cell phone companies.

If I owned a communication company, I would want to communicate to my prospective customers in the simplest, clearest way possible to instill enough confidence in them to try my company … NOT in our country, though!

Cell phone websites are some of the most frustrating, complicated and deceiving places you can spend your time on the internet.  The plans offered can’t be taken at face value; you have to investigate what they really mean by things like “local minutes”.

Do local minutes refer to calls I make from local area or calls to local numbers?  Finding yourself on hold for long periods of time with your cell phone company normal.  They sell phones!  They should have a few sitting around for people to answer!

If you have a problem with your phone or with ordering a phone, they don’t blame you necessarily, but they certainly don’t take the blame for their mistakes or incompetence.  You hang up or walk away from the store feeling unsure the issue will ever be resolved.

My daughter has been waiting since September for a phone!  They actually charged her credit card in October.  At last count, there was a problem in the warehouse.  Here’s a solution:  someone go to the warehouse, grab a phone and courier it to her today.  Three weeks later she still doesn’t have the phone.  I wonder what that warehouse problem was?  Did it burn down?!

My wife’s battle to get a phone has been much shorter.  She’s been dealing with the business department of a cell phone company.  I wonder if they really want to sell their phones to businesses.  Hours have been spent on the phone (lots of “on hold” time).  Hours have been spent in stores waiting.  Interestingly, when the store has to call their own company, they get put on hold like everyone else!  In the end, it’s still a mystery how a simple authorization for a phone could get so messed up.

Heres my solution:  Cell phone companies, take that $6.99 access fee millions of us send you and hire someone to create a simple, straightforward website.  Then, hire someone to train your staff in customer relations.  And finally, hire more people to man the phones in Canada.  Oh, and if you run short using that $6.99 fee, fire a top executive and use his salary!

Here’s the thing:  Sometimes we feel like I just described when requesting something from God.  We don’t get an answer or we don’t like the answer we get.  We might be confused and unsure whether the seeming answer is from God or we just made it up.  However, keep in mind that with God, He has the resources, He has the solution, He has your best interest in mind, His timing is perfect.  So stop, cool down, and don’t slam down the phone.  And, by the way, He does hear you, you can ALWAYS get through.

Until Next Time!

Pastor Paul

Question:  What gives you perspective when a request to God seems to take forever?