control

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When The Conversation Is Out Of Your Control

Conversations usually flow from one topic to another at a gathering, but when the party is heavy on the testosterone you lose all control of the dialogue.

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That would be how I would describe our Easter dinner this year.

In my last post (read it here), I wrote about our plans for Easter dinner and said that in this post I would write about how it turned out.

Lily was sort of forced to buy a thirty pound turkey because that was the only size she could find at the grocery store. To save me from having to eat turkey for the next six months, she came up with a plan to invite some people who knew how to finish off a ton of food.

We invited two players from the Kingston Frontenacs hockey team, and two of our son Mike’s friends.

That gave us five guys 25 and under, myself, Lily and our daughter, Karlie. When it came to the food, Lily and Karlie didn’t stand a chance. And when it came to the conversation, the guys monopolized that too.

Easter is a time when our focus is on the resurrection of Christ, the price He paid for our sins and the amazing gift of a relationship with God that Christ offers us.

However, some of our company had just come back from an afternoon of riding quads on muddy trails, so naturally the boys needed to spend some time rehashing all the ups and downs of the episode.

Some of our conversation around the dinner table focussed on the more spectacular antics on the quads, getting stuck, who almost died on the outing and who made the biggest fool of themselves.

I’m not much into that sport; in fact, I’ve never ridden a quad before. I have, however, ridden my mountain bike on some pretty muddy trails, so I was all ears as we listened to the exchange among the guys. Voices and laughter seemed to get louder as the stories turned to the personal shortcomings of one and all.

At Easter dinner there is nothing wrong with diverting from the main theme of the day, but hey, we also had some hockey players with us who are right in the middle of the OHL playoffs.

Everyone wanted to know how they were feeling about the series and how they thought it would turn out. We analyzed the team and talked about old hockey stories that related.

Of course, on any hockey team there are some characters that stand out. And just like with the boys who went quading, there were moments in the conversation that focussed on some of the crazy antics that happen within a hockey club.

By the time dinner was over, there was a table full of stuffed people who barely had room for dessert.

Though we didn’t really talk about the Easter message – other than a quick explanation and saying grace – most of the guys felt like they’d been verbally crucified by the others over the course of the meal … not typical for an Easter dinner, but typical when you gather five young men around the same table and bring food into the mix.

Here’s the thing: When guys get talking the stories can become bigger and better. The biggest story in the history of the world, however, is the love God has shown us in sending His only Son to die on a cross so that you and I can have a relationship with Him. There is no bigger story!

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: How do you relate to the biggest story in history? Leave your comment below.

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All Time Is Not Equal

We live in a world that tries to convince us that everyone and everything is equal. Don’t try to tell me that! It’s just not true … time isn’t even equal.

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Time is all measured out; we use it to be exact, to track things. But I’m beginning to believe that all time is not equal. For instance, we have 24 hours each day, and though every hour has 60 minutes in it, not all those hours are equal.

You can’t accomplish the same amount in every given 60 minute period of a day. You can’t even equally enjoy each 60 minute time frame in a day … nor can you control what will take place in any hour.

So when you complain that you’re short on time, and someone says we all have the same amount of time, technically he may be correct, but his statement is rather cliche with very little thought behind it.

This week I was in Toronto for a conference. One night we went to the Blue Jays baseball game. At 5 pm it took us over an hour to get down to the ball park. After the game, and a few more hours spent downtown, the trip back only took us 25 minutes. The difference was mostly traffic.

You naturally have more energy in some hours than others. You can have more interruptions at certain times or a deadline to meet before you can take a break and relax. … I don’t want to be trying do something that requires a lot of thinking when my energy is low or when there is a great chance of interruptions.

The other day I tried to plan accordingly. My intention was to write my blog early on Monday morning, but I had stayed up late the night before and didn’t get up as early as I had hoped to.

I had a short window in which to write my blog because I also had to phone to make an appointment to take our car to our mechanic. When I called, he said he could take the car right then.

Because I got up late, I didn’t start writing my blog early enough and then had to leave it to take the car in. All this took place before 9 am – prime quiet time when I have good mental energy. I lost out because of a bad decision the night before and an appointment which was out of my control.

I never did get a blog written that Monday.

It takes some planning and strategy to coordinate your day into the hours that best suit the things you want and need to do.

You just can’t go into a day without a plan or you won’t be very productive. And if you string a few of those days together, you’ll feel like you will never get out from under the backlog you find yourself in.

Here’s the thing: If you are going to spend time with God you need to plan it. And you need to plan it for a time when you will be mentally alert and you won’t face interruptions. You can’t guarantee all that but you can plan for it. If God is important to you, then plan to spend time with Him when there is the greatest chance that you will be mentally and emotionally able to meet with Him, at a time when you won’t be interrupted by things, people, emails or phone calls.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What time of day are you at your best and least distracted? Leave your comment below.

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My Brain Has A Mind of its Own

My last blog got me thinking more about how my brain works. I’m not professing to know much about the brain (like a neurosurgeon, psychiatrist or some other scientist who has studied the brain), but I do have one, and over time I’ve kind of noticed how mine works.

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What got me thinking about this was composing my last blog about how distracted I was writing my sermon (check out my blog, “So . . . I’m easily Distracted”).

I started thinking about how hard it was for me to focus on my work, or what I wanted or needed to be concentrating on.

It dawned on me that my brain wants to take the easiest path possible.

So whatever stimulates my brain, that’s where my brain wants to go. If I see something, my brain goes there. If I hear something, my brain is attracted to that. It works the same with smell and touch but not with as much tensity (for me, anyway).

I can be in the middle of a conversation with someone and then see something out of the corner of my eye. My attention is drawn to that thing, and I’ve lost my focus on what I was talking about.

I can be thinking or doing something, but if I hear music, immediately the lyrics to the song flood my mind and I start singing. For me, someone can just say a word and that will trigger a song in my head!

On good days, when I’m well-rested and determined, I can discipline my brain to stay on task for a while. But the longer I have to intently concentrate, the harder it is.

Over the years, I’ve learned to do a few things to help. I study in the mornings – the earlier the better for me. I focus better at that time because I’m less stimulated by other things, my mind is more alert, and there are less distractions.

Another thing I do is write while I think. For instance, when I pray I often write (type) what I am praying because then my eyes are drawn to the same thing that I’m thinking about and I stay focussed.

I’ve even used the “pomodoros” to set short, 25 minute focussed bursts to work, and then take a short break. I know most of you are looking up the word “pomodoro” to see if a tomato sauce has some time management qualities to it. Just google “pomodoro technique”; it’s named after a kitchen timer.

The bottom line for me is that I have a poorly disciplined brain. If my brain was a child I would discipline it, like have it sit in the corner for a time out. But my brain is over 50 years old; it’s been freewheeling for a long time!

I guess I’ve just gotten used to how it works and made some adjustments to coerce it to do what I want it to do. But still, it’s an unruly little fella.

Here’s the thing: Following Christ is not natural for us. What’s natural is to follow what feels good to us. Unfortunately, that will often cause us to go in the opposite direction that Christ would have us go. If we are going to follow Christ, we need to employ methods and discipline to coerce our nature to go in the direction Christ is leading.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What do you do to stay focussed? Leave your comment below.

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It’s Raining

Currently I’m on vacation some where near a sandy beach, on Lake Huron.  While I am away I am featuring a guest blog about once a week.  Today’s blog comes from Dr. Munier Nour who currently lives with his family in Calgary. He and his wife, Mary, have been married for 7 years and have two young sons aged one and three. Munier is a subspecialist in the field of pediatrics. He and his family lived in Kingston and attended KAC until 2010.

I’ve struggled to write this blog entry for a few weeks now. I’ve started writing a few times and have always just thrown it away. I think I’ve wanted a neat and tidy package of a story to tell people. I want to share a story of resolution and pack in a quaint lesson learned. But as much as I’ve tried that’s not a story I can tell… yet. Mine is still a work in progress.

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Despite putting this task aside for the last time this morning my confirmation came this evening that I need to articulate my struggle – if for no one else, then for my own benefit. We spent the evening in hospital with our youngest son for the third time in the past few months.

A year ago I had a neat little plan for our family. I had finally finished my ridiculously long medical training, we had our two healthy children, and my dream job was about to become available. It looked like I couldn’t have planned it better. I would quickly interview for the job, get it, we’d move into our new home and life would be in cruise control from there on. I had it all figured out. God had different plans.

In a series of seemingly rapid fire steps all my hard work and planning for a care free life seemed to come undone. It started out with our youngest son getting quite sick and being hospitalized with breathing difficulties when I was on the other side of the country. If narrowly missing an ICU admission wasn’t enough, he went on to repeat the process not two weeks later (and again tonight). Weeks later we were told that he also had another rare issue. It seems he had suffered from a perinatal stroke before he was born, a condition previously called hemiplegic cerebral palsy. While he has only shown mild symptoms it has been very difficult to understand and grasp this as parents wanting nothing but the best for our child. Following these medical events, I received the news that my prospects for work would go to another applicant – leaving me with essentially with no options of work in my field in the entire country.

It’s at this point that I feel the need to say something quaint or cliché. Something like ‘everything happens for a reason’ or ‘God’s got something bigger and better in store’ or ‘God will never give you more than you can handle’. While these are all good intentioned, the fact of the matter is I don’t really want to hear them right now – plus I’m not sure they even necessarily apply.

When I turn to passages like the story of Jesus calming the storm (Mark 4:35-41) my tendency is to look down on the disciples. How could they not realize Jesus was in control? How could they not understand that they were still safe? How could they have so little faith? In the midst of my storm, I wish I could say I was different from them.  I feel the rain starting and I run and panic.

As I’ve begun to navigate this small storm – while it is not easy – I am comforted to know I am not alone in this boat and that He commands even the winds and the water.

Question: When the storms come in your life, where do you turn?

 

When everything is wrong
The day has passed and nothing’s done
And the whole world seems against me
When I’m rolling in my bed, there’s a storm in my head
I’m afraid of sinking in despair.
…
‘Cause I’m a child of little faith
I feel the wind and forget Your grace
And You say, “Peace, be still.”

Teach me, Lord to have faith
In what You’re bringing me will
Change my life and bring You glory
…

There on the storm, teach me God to understand
Of Your will that I just cannot control.
There may I see all Your love protecting me
I thank you Lord, You are the calmer of the storm.

  —  “Calmer of the Storm” by Downhere
http://youtu.be/Z5gqZHifyQM

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Maybe “Jersey Shore” is on to Something

I have never really been into fitness, though I have always exercised in some fashion.  You see, I don’t like lifting weights or doing aerobic exercises.  You wouldn’t find me taking out a gym membership or dressing in tight clothes, wearing a head band, moving in front of a TV, and following an instructor who has way too much energy and enthusiasm for one person.

I’d rather play hockey, ride my bike on trails, or have my golf clubs with me when I go for a walk.  In fact, if there is some kind of game associated with an exercise, there’s a good chance that I would enjoy it.

But for the last two weeks, and at least for the next 14, you can picture me in those tight fitting exercise clothes (please don’t) doing some movements, or pumping iron, or going for power walks without golf clubs on my back.  That’s right, I’m a fitness guy now.

It’s not that I want to be a fitness guy, but the cardiac rehab clinic is trying its hardest to turn me into one.  Every day I have to go for a power walk, as well as either do an aerobic workout or weight training.  They give me Sundays off … small comfort.

I haven’t even met with the nutritionist yet, but when I do at the end of the month, I’m sure she’ll slap me with a few dietary restrictions that will officially turn me into a nuts and berries kind of guy.  She just better not pull meat from my diet!  (I don’t consider it a meal if it doesn’t include meat.)

Thankfully, when I exercise in a way that I enjoy – like playing hockey or mountain biking – I can count that.  That’s why on Saturday, instead of doing my thirty minute aerobic exercise, and going for a thirty minute power walk, I went for a two hour bike ride through the woods near our house.  I listened to tunes playing through my ear buds, took in the amazing view of the coloured leaves, and negotiated the slippery, leaf covered trails.  It was an awesome ride!

With everything I’m being instructed to do in a day, I’m starting to feel like I’m on the reality show “Jersey Shore”.  A typical day for Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino is GTL which stands for Gym, Tan, Laundry.  He doesn’t have much time for anything else in his day.  I’m beginning to feel the same way!

I know in time I will fit these new things into my daily pattern of life and they won’t feel as forced as they do right now.

Here’s the Thing:  This past Sunday, I spoke about giving control of one’s life to the Holy Spirit.  It has to be something I give myself to on a continual basis or I’ll take back control.  In order for the Holy Spirit to influence my thoughts, words, decisions and actions, I have to allow Him to be in control every day.

That means I have to make some adjustments in life to allow Him room to direct.  That’s not easy.  It means other things might need to be eliminated, or at very least rearranged.  It takes a while to discipline oneself to accommodate those changes, but in time, being controlled by the Holy Spirit will not seem forced.  Rather, it will be my natural pattern of life.

Until Next Time!

Pastor Paul

Question:  What needs to change in your daily routine to allow the Holy Spirit control? Leave your comment below.