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Just The Two Of Us From Now On

This morning when I got up, it felt different, like now there’s just the two of us.

just the two of us from now on

I’m not sure why that feeling hit me now because Lily and I have been empty-nesters for years.

It might have been that we had the kids home for Thanksgiving weekend and this morning there was just the two of us.

It could be that the house is fuller when the kids arrive – there’s a son-in-law, a girlfriend and a dog. 

When they all leave, it feels like … and then there was two.

In 1978 the rock group, Genesis, recorded an album called “… and then there were three …” In the late sixties the group consisted of five band members and by 1971 they had the lineup of musicians that would make them famous: Tony Banks, Mike Rutherford, Peter Gabriel, Steve Hackett and Phil Collins. 

However, this group didn’t stay together. A few years later, their lead singer, Peter Gabriel, left the band. Instead of replacing him with another singer, Phil Collins, the drummer, took over singing responsibilities along with playing the drums. They continued as a group of four. 

A few short years later in 1977, their guitarist, Steve Hackett, left the band. With both Gabriel and Hackett gone, the band’s next album was titled “… and then there were three …”

Like a band, it’s natural for the members of the family band to depart, spread their wings, get involved in new ventures. But this morning there was something more to how I was feeling than that.

Normally Lily and I are quite used to doing things just the two of us. This summer we spent a good deal of time at our cottage together. We usually do things just the two of us, whether it’s going out to dinner or doing something else. 

But Lily just retired at the end of September. So now it’s not like it’s just the two of us, it really is just the two of us all day long.

For years I would leave for work in the morning and be gone all day. This past year, though I was retired and at home, Lily was working and spent most days locked up in her home office. We were still separated all day long.

This morning when I got up, and the kids were gone and the house was quiet, and there was just the two of us, something was different. 

Lily and I are now doing the same thing – nothing. 

We don’t have different itineraries or schedules or even places to be. We now have the same job. As Lily’s new T-shirt says, “busy doing nothing”.

It just kind of hit me. For the first time in our marriage it really is just the two of us. 

There is no one or nothing that stands between us. There isn’t a time she is busy with someone else or some responsibility. We’re on the same schedule now.

I think I just got some inspiration for my kitchen sign board. 

Here’s the thing: It’s important to have someone about whom you can say, “it’s just the two of us”. No matter what your relationship status is, you can have that “just the two of us” kind of relationship with Jesus. He died on a cross so that He could have a relationship like that with you. So be sure to treat your relationship with Jesus like a close, “just the two of us” relationship … or decide to start a “just the two of us” relationship with Jesus. Pray and ask Him; He is willing. 

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: Who do you have a “just the two of us” relationship with? Leave your comments and questions below.

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So It’s Christmas – Say It Isn’t So

I’ve been thinking, “Is it really Christmas when the family is not present?”

so it's Christmas - say it isn't so

This was the first Christmas where our kids weren’t at home on Christmas morning. 

We have probably had a longer run at Christmas time than many families. But still, it seemed a little off not waking up to a house filled with our children.

And it’s not like there are little ones running around. Our kids are grown and live in other cities.

But still, part of me thinks that at Christmas you revert back to the days when you were all together all the time … maybe because it was tradition, and traditions are hard to let go of. 

There’s nothing wrong with making new traditions, and we have done that over the years.

When we lived in Edmonton, we would have a Christmas Eve meal at the revolving restaurant atop the Chateau LaCombe hotel. When we moved to Kingston we realized they didn’t have a revolving restaurant. For that matter, Kingston and all its restaurants close at about 6 pm on Christmas Eve.  

We needed a new tradition.

We started having a family fondue after the Christmas Eve service. That became our new tradition. It was an easy switch; the family was still all together.

This year things were much different.

There was no one getting up early. There was no dragging anyone out of bed to open Christmas stockings.

On the other hand, there was no “wife saver” brunch thingy that Lily used to pre-make that we never really appreciated.

But this year Lily and I were not really excited to restart an old tradition of doing Christmas with just the two of us. Those first four Christmases were many years ago. 

Back then they may have been special, just the two of us, but we’re not sure we are ready to go back to that. So we decided to stop time for one day. 

Our kids arrived later and much later on Christmas Day. So we had our Christmas on Boxing Day. That’s the new Christmas for us … well, at least for this year.

John Lennon sang the words, “So this is Christmas.” … Yes it is. It’s not what it was, not what it should be, but this is what it is.

The day after we got up, opened stocking and presents and later had Lily’s side of the family over for a meal. 

It’s like Christmas Day came one day late. 

In all that shifting and adapting, I realized that really to me Christmas is all about family. Family has replaced the central focus of the day.

There is nothing wrong with family, but this day – Christmas Day – is about the birth of Jesus. 

The idea of any birthday is to focus on the one who is celebrating his or her birthdate. I’ve come to realize that I’ve replaced that focus with my family. 

I need to rethink Christmas from the ground up. 

Here’s the thing: We celebrate Christmas because it marks the time God sent his Son, Jesus, to us. The reason we celebrate the birth of someone who is not part of our family is because of what He did. Jesus grew up and died on a cross to pay for our sins. Then He rose from the grave and offers us forgiveness for our sins and a relationship with God. Just as we have a connection with our family members, we can all have a connection with what Christ did for us. We just need to take Him up on His offer and put our faith in Him. 

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What Christmas tradition do you need to rethink or make next year? Leave your questions and comments below.

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It’s Back-To-School Week

This was back-to-school week, but really what it was back to was the people, not the institution.

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Going back to school would be nothing much if it wasn’t for the people. 

Suppose this week all the kids went back to school after two or four months, but what they went back to was online courses. There wouldn’t be all the excitement and all the nerves. There would also be very little to look forward to.

You see, it’s not really about getting back to school; it’s about getting back to your friends.

Earlier this summer, a friend who lives in Red Deer came back to Ontario for his yearly visit. My old high school friends and I use that occasion to get together over a meal. 

Some of the guys see each other throughout the year, but many of us haven’t seen each other in a long time. One guy who showed up this year I hadn’t seen since high school – that’s 43 years ago! 

But getting together wasn’t about dinner. It was about seeing each other, recalling old times, telling the same old jokes, and ribbing each other about stuff we did back in the day.

It was just like getting back to school, only we didn’t have the annoyance of classrooms and teachers … not that they were all bad.

This week students everywhere got reacquainted. They told stories of their summer months, and picked back up with each other like it was spring time again. 

This week I also had a bit of a back-to-school week, minus the school. I met up with the boys on the Kingston Frontenacs hockey team for the first time since they left the rink back in March.

Some of the boys are new to the team and I’ll get to know them as the year progresses. But a bunch of them are returnees – some for their fourth year. It was great to see the guys again and some of the team staff. 

Though hockey is the centre of all the talk and activity, it is the people that we get back to – the nicknames, the stories, the jokes and the sense of being with family … not your real family, but a kind of family that shares a part of your life and experiences.  

We go through this kind of thing all the time, getting back to … it’s never the institution or the organization or the thing. 

It’s always getting back to the people. 

The only thing that will put a smile on your face when you leave your home to go to school, or a restaurant or the rink, is the people. 

That’s what makes September, the fall, getting back to school, all worth it. 

Here’s the thing:  Religion is an institution and many people who have strayed away from it or have never had anything to do with it, don’t have much motivation to become part of it, or get back to it. But Christianity is not about religion; it’s about a relationship with Jesus Christ. What Jesus is hoping for is that you will want to get back with Him this fall. As you consider all those you are getting back with this fall, consider how to get back to Jesus or get closer to Him. 

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What are you looking forward to getting back to this fall? Leave your comments and questions below.

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Seriously, Something Is Wrong Here!

Today’s blog post comes from my wife Lily. She is the one who edits my posts and every once in a while she get inspired to write a post of her own. I hope you enjoy this post.

Even though the weather this week doesn’t feel like it, I know summer is coming … I’ve been dreaming about it … flip flops, scorching heat, a refreshing glass of cold lemonade and carefree days!

Ahh, those images take me back to my childhood …

When I was growing up, it was common place to either see or to have a lemonade stand on the hot, humid days of summer. Well, actually it usually wasn’t a lemonade stand but a Kool-Aid stand.

You remember Kool-Aid, don’t you? … “Kool-aid’s here bringing you fun, Kool-Aid’s got thirst on the run. Get a big, wide, happy ear-to-ear Kool-Aid smi-i-ile!”

I think Kool-Aid stands were our mothers’ faults. After all, they were the ones who would repeatedly spout the phrase, “Go outside and play.” Eventually, we’d get tired of skipping and biking and jumping on pogo sticks. We’d run out of scenarios for playing cowboys and indians (ya, I’m that old!). We’d finish soaking ourselves with water guns while playing cops and robbers. And there were only so many freezies we were allowed to eat before supper.

After sitting with siblings and friends on the curb for a while, racking our brains for ideas, someone would invariably suggest selling Kool-Aid. Even before the logistics were worked out, we’d be arguing how we’d spend our fortunes.

Logistics boiled down to someone running home and begging Mom to make a jug of the finest colour of Kool-aid in the house, and someone else ravaging their pantry for plastic cups …. which weren’t hard to find back in the heyday of Tupperware!

Of course, some kind neighbours would always oblige and purchase a glass or two, and the ever-loving moms would buy a glass of the drink they had just moments ago pulled from their own cupboard and mixed for us … Could there ever be people who love others more than moms?!

Today’s kids, however, are missing out on all that. Our country has gone berserk in bureaucracy! Remember that news report last summer about two sisters, aged five and seven, whose lemonade stand was shut down because they didn’t have a permit and weren’t following the bylaws? And they were selling lemonade to raise money for a summer camp for kids with cancer! Can you imagine?!

Seriously, for starters, who would report two little girls for trying to raise money for a cancer camp? What bylaw officer would actually follow through with shutting them down?

In the end, they are allowed to reopen their stand, but guess what? They had to change their adorable, crayon coloured “lemonade” sign because the word had to be written in both official languages!

What have we done to our kids? When are we going to stop reacting to every complaint and problem by creating more regulations and rules?

… Makes me nostalgic for the old, carefree days of summer where everything wasn’t regulated and kids didn’t have to be bubble-wrapped before venturing outside to play.

I think I’m going to go buy some Kool-Aid.

Here’s the thing: God has given us some rules to live by. But when we fixate on the rules alone, we can go berserk in Christian bureaucracy. God never intended us to live by rules, but by love. Our lives should be lived in response to God’s great love for us, and what Christ did for us by dying and taking the punishment we deserve.

That’s Life!

Lily Silcock

Question: What rules have you gotten fixated on? Leave your comment below.

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It Was A Different Story, But The Same Outcome

I read a story last night … something I haven’t done in years.

Let me explain: it was a children’s story and I read it to a couple of kids.

It’s been years since I’ve read a children’s story to kids, because it’s been years since our kids were little.

The story was new but some things were familiar, like my tendency to change things when I read them or add things to the story that aren’t there.

I actually have the reverse effect on kids that I’m supposed to have.

When our kids were little and I would read them stories, they would end up giggling and laughing and ready for a party to break out.

Lily would have to come along and settle them down for bedtime all over again.

Last night I found myself in that old, familiar situation. It was bedtime for a couple of kids Lily and I were babysitting for the night. … It was actually Lily doing the babysitting; I just came in at story time to give a hand … or maybe disrupt the flow.

Lil handed me the books, so I went into the living room and slumped on the couch. Two little creatures followed me and sat beside me, one on each side.

There were two stories, and they picked which one I would read first. So I began to read.

I was a little uncertain of how it would go; it had been so long and I felt out of practice. I also didn’t know what it would be like reading to someone else’s kids, but I got into the rhythm fairly quickly.

Back when our kids were little, I would stop on certain pages – the same pages every time, in fact – and make comments about the pictures. … A number of years later, our son was reading a story to younger kids at his school. When he got to the page I used to make comments on, he was shocked to find that those comments weren’t actually part of the story.

I’d also read things in the first person, or sometimes change the story just a little. That usually stirred the kids up.

Well, last night the reading was going on without a hitch … nothing to change, only a few comments to be made about the pictures.

Then I came across a word that triggered a song in my head.

Now I don’t know how many times these kids have had that story read to them, but I bet it was the first time that the reader broke out in a rendition of “May the bird of paradise fly up your nose.”

I think they made me sing it three or four times after that! I just hope those little guys’ parents will know what to do when those kids get home, hand them that story book and say, “sing the song”!

Well, it’s nice to know I haven’t lost my touch!

Lil had to do her magic once again. I walked by their room a few minutes after they left me, and she was telling them one of her calming, soothing stories to put them to sleep.

Here’s the thing: If you find that things have been strained with God, that maybe your time with Him has been non-existent recently, or that through disobedience you’ve felt far away, just come back to Him. When you do draw close to Him, you will find that familiar relationship you once had is back again. God never changes.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What memories of your time with God do you want to rekindle? Leave your comments below.

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I’m Still Paying For Dinner

Someday, when my family goes out to dinner, I won’t be paying the bill. The other night I saw a foreshadow of this, but in the end, I still had to ante up.

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My family is not quite there yet. They still depend on dad to come through at crucial times, like at the cash register or when the mobile credit card machine is brought to the table.

It was a momentous occasion – both Karlie and Mike were in town on the same day when it wasn’t a holiday or some special event. It was a last minute kind of thing so we quickly threw a plan together.

I got a couple of extra tickets to the hockey game and we decided to go out for dinner beforehand.

We only had one hitch: we had to decide where we would eat. That shouldn’t normally be a difficult decision. There are plenty of restaurants in town.

Reading everyone’s mind and coming up with the right place is not always easy in my family.

I suggested burgers … Hey, we were going to a hockey game, not the theatre, so burgers seemed to be a good fit.

My wife, however, wanted everything. She wanted a classy dinner at hamburger prices.

Well, there just isn’t that option in downtown Kingston, so we ended up settling on a trendy restaurant which catered more towards Lily’s atmosphere tastes than her desired price point.

It was good though because we were all in agreement.

However, I noticed a few things right away. It was my son who took the lead at getting us a table. It seemed to me that our waitress identified him as the leader of our group … or that he was the most eligible person at the table!

And when the menu came, it was Mike who gave his mother a few pointers regarding what was on it. And both our kids gave us a little instruction or constructive criticism on ordering food in a restaurant.

When that happened, I had a flashback to when they were children and we not only had to order for them but we had to feed them as well.

I wondered if the tables will turn completely the other way one day. Well, it’s better not to think about that too much, so, never mind.

We had a great meal. Everyone seemed to enjoy what they ordered and I noticed my kids didn’t seem to have any concern for the price of things.

When it was time for the bill, the waitress brought it to the other side of the table where my son was sitting.

Maybe it was because he was dressed a little better than I was, or maybe he just seemed to be the one in charge at our table. … Or maybe he was the most eligible one at the table and she was hoping he also had all the money.

Well, sadly for her and for me, Mike had no hesitation with passing the bill over to me.

I had this brief glimmer of hope of what could be, of what might be someday. It all lasted two, maybe three seconds before I was staring at the $100 plus bill.

Dear old dad is still good for something, I guess.

Here’s the thing: We can look very good on the outside, like we have it all together, that everything is under control, like we can take care of things. But in the end, it doesn’t matter what we look like on the outside, all that matters is what’s inside. Do you have the currency to meet God’s demands? Faith in Christ is the only currency He’ll take.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: How is your currency with God? Leave your comment below.

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How To Secure Perks In Life

When we sign up for things, we often take note of the perks that go along with them. It might be the key to the staff room, or a special parking spot – maybe even one with your name on it.

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Other perks might be a membership to an exclusive club, or an expense account, or a company car.  Perks are nice; they are those little somethings that make you feel special, important or valued.

But when you sign up for being a dad, you don’t think of the perks you get with that. In fact, when you start out, you don’t even think there are any perks.

There are the 2 am marathons of walking around the family room trying to soothe your little one back to sleep. There are the diapers to be changed, feedings, and the constant questions that never end.

We worry about them, spend money on them, give advice to them, give up our free time for them … do more worrying about them, coax them to spend time with us, more money, more worry, more money.

By the time your kids are in their mid-twenties, there’s been a lot of money and worry that’s gone into them. Perks? They’re not high on the list.

But the other day I got a perk. My kids, Karlie and Mike, took me to a Blue Jays game! It was their birthday present to me. They bought the tickets, and bought me a T-shirt so I would match them in their Blue Jay attire.

This was a far cry from the hockey mini stick Mike made for me years ago (autographed by him). And it’s more than the little cardboard box with stickers Karlie made forever ago for me to put my receipts in. (I still have both of those presents, by the way.)

This wasn’t even something Lily bought for me and they just put their names on it. No, this was something they thought up, something they knew I would like, and something they made arrangements for on their own.

This was a genuine perk. We took in a meal at “Real Sports” just outside the Air Canada Centre, and I got to hang out with my two kids who live in two different cities now.

There was excitement: Mike and I caught up to and beat our Go Train to get on it two stops later, with mere seconds to spare. Karlie had to tell a guy to go away on the subway after he wouldn’t leave her side.

Oh, and there was another perk that day: The Jays walk off win in the 10th inning on an exciting play at the plate!

I never thought of perks when I became a dad. But now it seems like there are some perks, and I have a good feeling there will be more to come.

Here’s the thing: When you sign up with Christ for forgiveness and a relationship with Him, you don’t think of perks along the way. But when you start to take the focus off yourself, your problems and frustrations, and instead concentrate on loving Christ and seeking His will each day, what you find is, He helps you with things you’re not prepared for or equipped to handle. And those are perks you can look forward to every day.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What’s the last perk you received from your kids?  You can leave your comment below.

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The Reason You Don’t Change Your Busy Life

You ask ten people how they are doing and about 8 to 10 of them will say “busy”. That’s life for almost everyone. Now, mind you, leading a busy life is relative. Some people’s busyness is like a working vacation for others.

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But it doesn’t matter what your definition of busyness is. We have the same feelings of fatigue, hurriedness, and drivenness. It’s pretty standard fare for the average person in North America.

This week I was reminded of a time in my life when it was busier than it is now. We had some guests staying with us: a mom and her two boys, 3 and 1½ years old.

They were cute little guys, but they were also very busy. And that meant the house had a busy feel about it. It was lively; there was always something happening – actually, there was alway more than one thing happening.

A conversation had to be stopped and restarted several times to attend to a bump on the head, a wiping of the hands, and “No, don’t do that”, or a “Just a minute please”. You know how it works at those ages; kids need a lot of attention.

It’s just funny how you forget what it’s like. Now that our kids are, for the most part, out of the house, things are pretty quiet. At dinner there is only one conversation. The attention is only on one of two people at any one time.

There are rarely any bumps on the head, and food usually goes directly from plate to mouth. However, sometimes my food takes a detour and lands up on the placemat. If I would only learn to bring my plate closer . . . right, Lil?

To add to the excitement the other day, we also had another dinner guest. It was not a quiet meal, and it wasn’t calm, but it was pretty funny and exciting.

These little guys had to be reminded of things that we take for granted. Some things they had a hard time comprehending. Some things they didn’t want to comprehend, like the twenty times Lily had to tell Elias that the turtle didn’t need to be fed … he kept insisting that the turtle looked hungry.

Elias just needed something and didn’t know what it was. But I recognized that look in his eyes, that roaming around the kitchen. I knew what he was thinking. I have the same feelings, and do the same roaming after dinner. We just need something else; we’re not sure what it is, but we need something.

I asked, “What about dessert?” to which Lily replied, “Great. You come up with it then because I didn’t make any.” I just happened to have some “after dinner licorice” that seemed to do the trick for Elias … for a while.

It was a whirlwind of a meal but it was great because this was not life for us 24/7. And just when things were settling down, I sent Elias to check on the turtle. As he went, I couldn’t resist throwing out the suggestion, “Do you think he’s hungry?” That got me a reaction from Lily!

Here’s the thing: When we are in the midst of life, we aren’t conscious of just how fast paced and busy it is. Only when we step out of it can we then appreciate how non-stop life is. Carve out of your busyness some time to get quiet, reflective and find a peacefulness with God.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What prevents you from stepping out of your busyness to find some quiet? Leave your comment below.

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He’s Got Your Back

When I was a kid, having a brother was great.  We played together; we always had a buddy to do something with.  On the other hand, we also fought a lot.  It was quite predicable:  one little thing like an innocent bump would lead to a push and then a harder push and a hit.  Then the fight was on.

My brother and I had some pretty classic fights growing up.  Some of our fights could have been on WWE (Worldwide Wrestling Entertainment).  People would have paid good money to see them!  On WWE they use chairs and tables on each other; we used hockey sticks and the threat of knives (just the dull ones you use at dinner).  When we got older, our poor mother would throw her arms up, and walk away saying, “You guys are going to kill each other!”

We didn’t, and we’re still great friends today.  The funny thing was, all those fights we had never lasted.  We would be playing one minute, then fighting, and then a couple minutes later playing together again.

One of the greatest things about having a brother was having someone to stick up for you.  Maybe you never had this feeling before, but having someone come to your side, and stand with you when there’s trouble is an amazing feeling.

One time when we were 10 and 12, we were with a bunch of friends when some other guys came up to us.  One of them was a couple years older, had a reputation as a fighter, and for some reason started picking on me.  My friends didn’t want anything to do with it and kind of backed away.  I’m sure they were thinking he would beat me to a pulp.

But my brother was there.  Though it’s always nice to be able to say, “I’m going to get my big brother and he’s twice your size”, my brother was two years younger and the same scrawny size as me.  It didn’t seem like a great advantage.

Still he was there and he didn’t back away like my friends did.  He got in there and basically the two of us laid a beating on that guy (I think it was all our practice that helped).  We were pretty pumped about what we did and how we felt about each other and we never had any trouble with that kid again.

Here’s the thing:  The other day I was reading Isaiah 41:10, “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

As I read that verse the feeling that I got was that same feeling of having a brother come to your side in a fight. The trouble is not necessarily dismissed, but I have someone fighting with me, someone helping me in my trouble.

Reading that verse, I got this amazing feeling of how much God cares for me, to battle with me.  And because He’s God, we’re going to win in the end, and walk off arm in arm victorious together.

God isn’t off somewhere helping remotely; He’s right there with you, and He’s got your back.  God is watching out for you.

Until Next Time!

Pastor Paul

Question:  When you are in a difficult place, how do you feel about God?