my day

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How to Win An Argument With Yourself

If you’ve ever tried to win an argument, you know how hard it is to change your mind.

In my last post (read here) I wrote how real change only comes when you change your mind, and not when you just do something different.

Doing something different can bring temporary change, but not long-lasting change. For the long haul you need to change your mind.

I remember I once changed a teacher’s mind. In my high school geography class we were studying Israel and who had a right to the land – the Jews or the Arabs. It was a hot issue because, at the time, it looked like Egypt and Israel would go to war.

Our teacher set up a debate for our class to decide who had the rights to the land, with one side defending the Jews and the other the Arabs.

I got thrown on Israel’s side and, since I was probably the only kid who went to church, I had some background to Jewish history.

By the end, my side had won and my teacher was really impressed that we had changed her mind with our arguments.

Changing your mind takes work; it doesn’t come easy.

If changing our minds was easy, we wouldn’t do the same things over and over again, expecting a different result.

Changing your mind is like a skill, and to develop any skill you need to work at it; you need to practice.

Years ago I learned the skill of playing the guitar. The only problem was I didn’t practice it enough. Though I play the guitar, I don’t play it very well – that would require me to practice way more than I do and, over the years, I’ve proved that I don’t have the desire to practice enough to become good at it.

Changing your mind requires that you put new or different information in your head, and then use it or practice it over and over.

It’s similar to having a favourite picture frame filled with an ugly picture. You won’t be happy with the frame until you change the picture in it.

In my office I have a picture I had taken of me with a famous hockey player. I also got his autograph to “Pastor Paul” on a separate card.

They sat on my desk for a while before I did anything with them. They were of no benefit to me until I got a nice picture frame, removed the sample picture that came with it, and replaced it with the picture of Darrell Sittler and his autograph.

It looked great; it was just what I wanted. But it took another week until Lily found the right place to hang it on my office wall so I could enjoy it.

To change your mind, you have to want to change, and then you need to put new information in your mind and use it.

Here’s the thing: If you are struggling with a sin, a habit, or a character issue and you want to overcome it, change it. Then find a verse that speaks to that issue and memorize it. Work that verse into your mind by saying it every day, and every time you fail at the change you want to make. Over time you will change your mind with that verse. It will help you to change your character so that you will not be plagued by that sin, habit or issue any more.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: When you think of something you would like changed, what verse comes to mind?  Leave your comments below.

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I Never Wanted To Change My Mind

I always thought that changing your mind was a flaky thing to do, that someone who changes his or her mind can’t really be counted on.

But I’ve changed my mind on that one. … Please don’t consider me flaky now; let me explain.

The Bible tells us that God never changes. He is the same yesterday, today and forever; He’s not going to change His mind. He is all-knowing and all-powerful so He can remain unchanged.

For the rest of us, we have to change our minds. If we don’t, we never will progress; we will never get out of our ruts. We will never make any breakthroughs.

In order for you to do something different, it will mean you have to change your mind.

We can try to change things by focusing on developing new skills or processes. We can try to make ourselves follow a certain set of rules or regiments.

But unless we change our minds, we will not be successful in the long run.

People go on diets or they hit the gym, bound and determined that they will lose weight or get into shape by doing certain things and eating certain things (or not eating certain things).

But most of those people, who start out with these great intentions, go back to their old ways of eating and their old ways of living on their couches.

The reason? – they never changed their minds.

They changed their habits for a while, or their activities or their intake for a time. But only a change of mind will activate their actions into something that will stick with them for the long haul.

Everything starts in the mind, not with your actions. When you change your mind, you can then change your actions.

Forget the diet until you change your mind about how healthy you want to be and feel.

Don’t go to the gym until you change your mind about being fit.

And by the way, changing your mind is not that easy.

It’s not just a matter of telling yourself something new. You have to believe that the change of mind is a worthy change, that it is a wanted change, that you are fully convinced that you have to make this change.

Often a change of mind comes when you reach the point when you are so unsatisfied that you have to do something.

It’s that Popeye principle. You know, when Popeye would be beaten to a pulp by Brutus, when he had no hope, no escape and no strength.

Just before he popped a can of spinach out of his shirt pocket and squeezed it into his mouth (where he got the strength to do that is another story), Popeye would say, “I can’t stands it; I can’t stands it no more!”

That’s it, right there – that’s when we get to the place where we are ready to change our minds.

Before that point, we probably will just be trying a new activity, fad or process.

… to be continued.

Here’s the thing: We like our minds just the way they are. Only when we are not satisfied, not wanting the same, are we ready to change our minds. That’s why, when it comes to our faith, there is usually something making us uncomfortable. Don’t ignore it until it goes away; grapple with it, wrestle with it. It may be God trying to get you to change your mind.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What has got you unsettled, unsatisfied that you may be inclined to change your mind? Leave your comments below.

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I Just Had A Date With Frustration

I’m a little frustrated right now – actually, I’ve been frustrated most of the day.

In the morning I was cutting it fine getting to work for an early meeting, only to find myself driving behind the slow guy who drove just fast enough to keep me from getting around him.

At noon I had a short turn-around to get my lunch and rush back to work for another meeting. I got stuck behind the lady who didn’t like moving into the intersection for a left-hand turn until there were no cars in sight.

We had to wait for a whole new light cycle until we got an advance green light. Only then did she finally feel she could get through the intersection, allowing me to go through as well.

Later in the afternoon I had a couple of drop-ins at the office that put me behind in a project I was working on.

… I was beginning to feel like I had a companion with me and its name was frustration.

On the way home from work, traffic was heavy and every time I changed lanes to get into the lane that was moving faster, it became the slow lane almost immediately.

More frustration.

It was almost like frustration was following me around, and sitting next to me with everything I did.

After I got home from an evening meeting, I watched the third period of the Leafs’ hockey game on TV.

It was the one part of the day where I felt that frustration had left my side; it had gone to interfere with someone else’s life – the Leafs were up 2-0.

However, shortly after the third period got underway, the Flyers scored. I quickly realized that, at best, frustration had only momentarily left me … like it went out to the kitchen to get a drink or snack of some kind.

I could feel my frustration build with each play or broken play the Leafs left on the ice.

Frustration – my new found best friend – was sitting so close I could feel it on my neck.  There was a cloud over us and, if it could have rained in the room, it would have.

I’m not sure if I was talking to frustration or to the TV, but I was getting more and more vocal about how my team was playing as the game progressed.

When Philly tied the game up, I kind of noticed a smile on frustration’s face and I didn’t like it very much.

I didn’t have a good feeling about the end of the game.

The game went into overtime, but not much – just 18 seconds in, the Philadelphia Flyers scored the winning goal.

I didn’t like frustration at that point, but it just wouldn’t leave me alone. I even found it putting words in my wife’s mouth, causing me to react negatively to her.

I saw it standing just over her shoulder with a big grin on its face. This was no friend; how could I let it hang around me all day?

I went to bed and hoped I wouldn’t see it in the morning.

Here’s the thing: Frustration can attach itself to us through the simplest, unsuspecting things. And it can stay with us and interrupt our day. That’s when you need to stop, take a breath, and focus on Jesus, being thankful for Him and what He’s provided for you. You will get a new perspective … and you won’t have to entertain an unwanted friend like frustration.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: During what recent frustration should you have stopped, breathed and refocused on Jesus? Leave your comments below.

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A Trip South Would Be Appreciated

I’m pretty much ready to take a trip down south. I don’t really care where down south as long as the only white stuff around is sand.I don’t have a trip planned or anything, but I’m sure thinking about some way I could make that happen.

I know in February we have a weekend at a cottage with my wife Lily’s whole side of the family. The only problem is that cottage is not south; in fact, it is a little north of where we live.

This weekend sort of finished me off. The cold temperatures came back like they never left. Earlier in the week we had temperatures of + 7 C and + 10 C.

But then the mercury started to drop.

And it dropped fast. In matter of 5 or 6 hours, the temperature had dropped to -12 … a 22 degree fall in one afternoon! What could survive a fall like that? Not much.

The next day I had my early morning hockey game. I knew it would be cold but I didn’t think there would be anything else with that cold.

As soon as I hit the garage door button I saw snow, and as the door continued to slowly rise, I kept seeing a wall of snow that had pressed up against the outside of our garage door.

This wall of snow was over the bumper of my SUV.

Did you get that? I’m not talking about a Mini Copper. I mean, I have 17 inch wheels on my SUV and the snow was over the bumper. I really hadn’t accounted for the snow, so I madly tried to shovel it out of the way so I could get my vehicle out of the garage.

It took a while because there wasn’t a lot of places to put the snow. But that wasn’t my only problem getting to hockey.

Once I shovelled out one side of my driveway, I backed the car out and started forward … only to be hung up on snow in the middle of my street.

The plow had come through in the middle of the night but had only made one pass and left a berm in the middle of the road which I tried to go through.

At 6:30 am, there I was by myself, trying to rock my vehicle back and forth to get through the snow mountain. It wasn’t working so I went and got my shovel and started to dig the snow out from under the front of the car.

I was able to dig enough out that I could get free. I threw the shovel in the back seat and took off for hockey. I was late – I knew that – but I thought I would get in a little skate to make the effort worthwhile. No one was there. Apparently only three guys had made it to the rink and they called it off.

What do you do at 7 am on a Saturday morning when hockey gets cancelled? I shovelled the rest of the driveway. That’s why I’m ready to go south. I’ve had enough.

Here’s the thing: Sometimes you need a break or change of pace, but you know it’s not going to happen. You’re stuck where you’re at. That’s the perfect time to thank God for the good things He’s brought into your life. It’s so easy to just focus on the bad, but you can change your mood when you focus on thanksgiving.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What are you thankful for right now? Leave your comments below.

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Another Failed Movie Night

We failed last night in our attempts to choose a movie to watch. You would think this is a simple thing, but it is never easy for my wife and me.

There are literally thousands of movies at our fingertips every time we attempt to choose a movie to watch, but still we can’t decide.

There is Netflix, iTunes, movies on TV and even the theatre if we want something brand new.

That doesn’t make it easier.

I don’t think there has ever been a time in our marriage where we both said, “Let’s see THIS movie.”

I don’t mean saying it at the exact same time, like a “punch buggy” thing; I mean both having the idea to watch the same movie.

We are diametrically opposed to each other when it comes to movies.

I like action adventure; Lily likes romance, and romantic comedy.

Do you know how few romantic action adventure movies there are? Someone could make a killing if they could produce more of these kinds of movies!

But having said all that, for Lily the action part really detracts from the thing she likes most in romantic movies.

I think the issue is how we approach movies in the first place.

I view movies more as an outside observer. My approach is more like I’m doing a ride along with the main character. I’m there with him, and I observe all the narrow escapes and harrowing feats, the bullets, explosions, yada, yada yada … but it’s not happening to me.

Lily, on the other hand, watches movies more like she’s in them.

There’s a new movie in the theatres right now called, “Jumanji”. I haven’t seen it yet because it’s an action adventure. From what I’ve seen in the trailers, the main characters get sucked into a video game and actually become the characters in the video game.

That’s how Lily watches movies. So when she’s watching some romantic movie with a particularly sensitive scene where the guy is saying something very touching to the girl of his dreams, when I chime in with some funny comment or mimic the line in a whiny voice, I’m not just mocking the movie, I’m actually mocking Lily.

She acts as if I’m saying that stuff to her and not the character in the movie … I think.

That’s why when she watches an action adventure movie, every explosion, every punch, she’s taking it on the chin.

When those movies are over, she’s tired because it’s like she just climbed up the side of a mountain, or parachuted behind enemy lines, or had to fight off some 7 foot, 350 pound guy.

That kind of thing can really drain you.

The other day I snuck up on her in the kitchen, and it scared her half to death. She said she lost three years off her life.

I hope those were just movie years and not real life years … although to her it’s all the same.

Here’s the thing: I don’t always understand how my wife thinks, or why she reacts in certain ways, but I do know that she loves me very much. The same is true with God. You may not understand why He answered your prayer that way, or didn’t seem to answer it at all. You may not understand why He allows some things to happen or unfold as they do. But one thing you can be certain of is that He loves you more than anything else. That is why He sent Jesus, His Son, to die in your place for the things you’ve done wrong. Be sure you’ve received His love by accepting His Son.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: How do you handle not understanding someone? Leave your comments below.

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It Really Was A Bittersweet Night

Last night I experienced the bittersweet feeling of winning and losing at the same game.

My wife, Lily, and I have a weekly standing date of attending the OHL Kingston Frontenacs’ home games.

Friday, as usual, we shared some popcorn and watched the action on the ice.

But it was a little different because, while our boys were playing in Kingston, the Canadian Junior hockey team was playing in Buffalo for a gold medal in the annual World Juniors tournament.

We got to see some great hockey in front of us, but in the back of my mind I was wondering how our national team was doing.

Part way through the game it was announced over the PA system that Canada was up 1-0.

That was some comfort, but the battle on the ice in front of us was intense.

Our boys were really playing well and dominating in many respects, but it was just a one goal game at the end of the first period.

In the second period, our guys were flying and scored two goals to put our team ahead 3-1 by the end of the period.

Back in the gold medal game, there was no more news … but when your team is ahead, no news is also good news.

Team Sweden was considered the team to beat. They had run the table in the regular round; in fact, they hadn’t lost in the regular round in 11 years.

Team Canada had one shootout loss to the United States in a snowy, outdoor affair that left all the Canadian fans chilled.

Now we were battling for the gold medal and we were ahead in the scoring.

Lily and I took a stroll around the arena at the end of the second period of the Frontenacs’ game. There was a calm, happy, “we have this game in the bag” kind of feeling in the air.

There was no hint of any trouble ahead until the start of the third period. The Fronts seemed a little flat – no energy, not skating well … and in the span of about five minutes, the Spitfires scored three goals and were up 4-3.

It happened so quickly; it was a shocker.

The rest of the period our boys threw a lot of rubber towards the Windsor net, but we couldn’t buy a goal and lost the match.

Just a five minute let down was all it took.

After the bitter loss we witnessed on ice, the arena switched to the World Junior game on the big screen.

We watched until the end of the second period where, with five minutes left, Sweden scored to tie it up.

All I could think was, “not another let down!”

Since I’m the Fronts’ team chaplain, we then left the stands to go chat with our boys. By the time we were done, there was just ten minutes left in the gold medal game so we headed back into the stands to watch.

With just under two minutes to play, Team Canada scored.

There was a celebration, not on the ice but on the big screen. We pocketed an empty-netter to seal the deal, and Canada won the gold medal.

At the same arena we watched our hometown team lose and then our Canadian team win gold. It was truly a bittersweet night. But it ended with the sweet!

Here’s the thing: There is a verse in the Bible that says you can win the whole world but forfeit your soul. That’s life’s bittersweet reality. Make sure your soul is secure so that in the end, when life is all over, you experience the sweet of Heaven.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What would be bittersweet for you? Leave your comments below.

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Don’t Be Deceived By The Sun

Hey people, let’s not deceive ourselves – it’s brutally cold out there!

My wife, Lily, opened the blinds this morning and was very cheery. “Ah, the sun is shining”, she said, as if that made everything alright.

She made her comment like she was ready to take a magazine out to the deck and catch some rays as she relaxed in a lawn chair.

“It’s minus 22 Celsius out there”, I said.

Lily’s rebuttal was that it reminded her of Edmonton winters where the sun was the consolation for surviving weeks on end of needing a balaclava when you stepped outside the front door of your home.

She went as far as saying she would rather have -20 C and sunny than -4 C and dreary.

Give me the dreary! If we have to go another week with these temperatures, I’ll be done with winter big time!

I’m not sure why Lily has been so hypnotized by the sun’s power, or it could have nothing to do with the sun at all.

It may have more to do with the old coat she rediscovered last night.

We went out for dinner and Lily decided to wear a fur coat – that’s right, it’s fur, and it’s probably seal too.

But don’t get too upset at her owning a fur coat. It’s a hand-me-down from my grandmother. I figure that coat is probably between 70 and 90 years old.

When I was just a kid, I remember my grandmother wearing it to church when she came to visit us on weekends. My brother, John, and I made sure we sat on either side of her during church.

Besides the little purple candies she would give us, it was really sitting beside that coat of hers that was the treat. It was, and still is, the softest coat you will ever touch. It’s unbelievable. We would snuggle right up to her just to feel that fur.

You can’t stop touching it.

But I digress. Maybe the reason Lily doesn’t mind the cold is that this coat is the warmest coat she’s ever put on. She didn’t care how long it took us to walk from the car to the restaurant; she was toasty.

… I, on the other hand, was freezing and couldn’t wait to get inside.

Maybe she thinks she is impervious to the cold with this coat, I don’t know.

All I’m saying is let’s not be deceived or brainwashed by the sunny days, thinking that it’s okay that we are living in temperatures that would make a polar bear want to travel south for a vacation.

We weren’t planning on taking a winter vacation but now I’m entertaining the idea … and the longer this cold snap – sun and all – stays with us, the more the price of the trip doesn’t matter to me.

Let’s just all agree on one thing: it is crazy cold out there, and there is nothing good about it.

Here’s the thing: Sometimes we can get fixated on one thing so that something else doesn’t seem to be that bad. Maybe you struggle with a certain sin but, instead of dealing with it, you look to something good you are doing as if that cancels out the sin. To God, sin is missing the mark and, no matter how close to the mark you are in another area, you’re still missing the mark. Deal with the sin in front of you. Don’t mask it, justify it, or ignore it; just confess it and turn from it.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What do you need to deal with? Leave your comments below.

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I Propose We Make An Adjustment To Christmas

I’ve been doing a bit of a review of Christmas and I think we need to make an adjustment going forward.

This, of course, is coming from a guy who only works one day a week and on the same day every week … they call us pastors.

No.

I don’t really only work one day a week, but I’ve had many conversations with people over the years who think I only punch the clock on Sundays.

But like that same, one day I work each week, I think that we should celebrate Christmas on the same day of the week every year.

You know, they do that with the Super Bowl and with Thanksgiving and, well, there are many holidays we celebrate on a certain day of the week.

It’s birthdays we don’t celebrate on any particular day of the week, but on whichever day they land on.

… I guess I see the point of Christmas falling on different days of the week. After all, we are celebrating the birthday of Christ.

But the thing is we don’t really know what day he was born on so the actual day is not as significant as, say, what day June 16th falls on. That’s my birthday, by the way.

And here is my big appeal, my proposal for when we celebrate Christmas: let’s set Christmas Day as being the Monday on or following December 25th.

So what if some years Christmas would fall on New Year’s Eve – like next year? That’s even better – we’d get two holidays in a row!

Sure, some people who normally get the week off between Christmas and New Year’s would get ripped off a little. … Maybe they could just give everyone the week off following Christmas/New Year’s.

I’m just proposing this because a Monday Christmas would work so much better into a pastor’s schedule.

And who’s the busy guy around Christmas anyway?

No, not Santa – a pastor!

This Christmas has been the easiest on my life in years. And I have to wait for 2023 until this same scenario comes around again.

This year there was thankfully no Christmas Eve Service on a Wednesday, leaving me just two days to get a sermon ready while trying to enjoy my family being around.

Yes, there are things we pastors do to prepare for those kinds of years, but it definitely puts more pressure on us.

We don’t get to relax and fully immerse ourselves in family, fun and food … well, maybe we do get to fully engage in the food part.

The bottom line is that having Christmas on a Monday gives me the most time to be prepare for the next Sunday. It gives me more wiggle room to be all in for both Christmas celebrating and Christmas work.

Something tells me that this is only a pipe-dream of mine and that we are not going to set a specific day of the week to celebrate Christmas on.

I guess I’ll just have to keep preparing for Christmas like always and look forward to six years from now when I’ll get to enjoy Christmas like I did this year.

Here’s the thing: We can enjoy the Christmas holiday; we can also busy ourselves so that it’s not so enjoyable. The most important thing is that we celebrate and worship Christ all year long, every day. There should be no set day for that. Make every day the day you spend time with God, and thank Him for sending Jesus.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What did you like best about this Christmas? Leave your comments below.

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The Youth In My Family Now Have The Edge

The youth are taking over – at least it’s true in my family. Every year when my family gets together for Christmas we rent some ice and have a game of hockey.

We’ve been doing it for a long time now. When we started, I didn’t have to play very hard to show up the young guys.

It’s different now; each year my son and the nephews have gotten bigger, faster, stronger.

I still look forward to our little get-together but it takes a lot more out of me to keep up with them.

I guess that’s why there is so much focus on youth. They have all the potential; they are so agile; they have such great skill.

I see it in junior hockey, and especially in the annual world junior hockey tournament that’s about to start. It showcases the best young hockey talent in the world and everyone is playing for their country.

The speed at which these kids skate, and the moves they make – with and without the puck – is incredible.

That is why even the NHL is on a youth movement right now. To play in the NHL these days you have to be able to keep up with, or be better than, the 19 and 20 year olds.

Hockey highlight programs on TV show replay footage of teenagers in the NHL making incredible plays almost every night.

The youth really are taking over.

On the downside, the old guys like me are losing ground each year. We are not as fast as we once were; our hands are not what they once were.

Maybe more than all that is we don’t have the stamina or the energy we once had. I get winded quickly. I give a second thought to back-checking when the other team steals the puck.

In the friendly game we had this Christmas, I found it harder to keep the puck on my stick. Even the youngest of nephews was able to check the puck off me. I’d make a rush up the ice and that was about it for the next couple of minutes.

I remember when I was younger I could play all day and never tire. I hated having to go to the bench. I only went to give others a chance to play; I sure didn’t need the rest!

Now I take short shifts and actually enjoy my time when I’m on the bench, catching my breath. … Although with my past heart issues, I will often pace behind the bench to bring my heart rate down slowly.

Don’t get me wrong, I can still keep up, but they are starting to take over. There’s more of them and they are more dominant now.

I guess I should be sad to see the changing of the guard, knowing that it’s time to step aside for the youth movement in our family.

But you know, you also can’t help but see yourself in family. When I see my son or one of my nephews skate up the ice, I only have pride.

Here’s the thing: The more we start to age, the more we notice how the youth are taking over. But when it comes to spiritual things, we should allow the ancient one, the God of Abraham and Isaac to take over. That is the one area where youth don’t run the show. Let Christ take over your life. Here’s wishing you a very Merry Christmas.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What needs to move over in your life? Leave your comments below.

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I’m All Prepared For Christmas

This time of year is all about being prepared. Christmas has a deadline that seems to sneak up on most of us every year.

There have been years, like this one, where I have been prepared for Christmas. Coming down to the last few days, I’m not panicked about still finding that one main gift for Lily.

But this year may be more of an exception for me. I don’t remember feeling this ready for Christmas very often.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those people who has my shopping done by mid-September. But this year, I bought Lily’s main gift in early November.

That might not be early for some people, but for me that’s like buying Christmas presents in July – it was a very early purchase.

And I wrapped things up a full five days before the big day. For me that’s so liberating because other things are also pressing on me.

One thing I was not prepared for this week was my board meeting. I had all the reports and data ready for the meeting but it was the presentation, the flow of the meeting that I was not prepared for.

I thought I had scheduled enough time to put some thought into how long to spend on each section and item, and how to present one new thing I wanted to start with the board.

But I ran into a few unexpected and unplanned encounters and I was late. I was only prepared on paper and not completely prepared to lead that meeting.

As for how the meeting went, let’s just say I didn’t sleep very well that night and I was still kicking myself the next day.

The funny thing about being prepared for Christmas is that we know when it is every year. It comes as no surprise.

The stores advertise well and offer bargains before Christmas to get you to come in and buy your presents.

We’re also becoming programmed by the US to start thinking about Christmas shopping at the end of November. Canadian stores even offer Black Friday sales the same weekend they do in the States … and we don’t even have a holiday then!

There really is no reason not to be prepared for Christmas every year. Yet if we procrastinate, and finish just at the deadline, we probably won’t change. It will become our pattern and we’ll run the risk of not being prepared for Christmas year after year.

Here’s the thing:  Christmas is when we celebrate the birth of Christ, His coming into the world. It may feel like a deadline, but it’s really a beginning – a beginning that leads to a deadline. Christ came into the world so that we could be prepared for the end of our time here. He did all the work for us by dying on the cross for our sin and rising to bring us a relationship with His Father. Our deadline is what we need to be prepared for and to not put off; we never know what tomorrow will bring. It’s the most important deadline there is for each of us. Be prepared; be prepared well in advance.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What’s the deadline that has you stressed right now? Leave your comments below.