relationships

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Don’t Take All Comments At Face Value

You really need to process comments that are made to you and not just take them at face value.

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Sometimes people can make comments that are well-intentioned, but they kind of sting when you hear them. People’s comments can also seem out in left field, but actually have some substance to them.

I just got back from vacation and my second day back in the office someone came in and, as soon as they saw me, said, “Hey, looks like you gained some weight.”

I immediately thought they had read my blog the day before where I wrote about eating too much candy and not exercising enough on my vacation (you can read that one here).

But when I referred to my blog, he had a blank look on his face. I quickly realized the comment was just something he was observing about me.

That stung! – I really did look like I had gained some weight. I had to process the fact that it wasn’t only me who noticed the few extra pounds; everyone else could see it too.

That off-the-cuff comment got me thinking about making plans to take those extra pounds off over the next few weeks. It gave me a little motivation.

The next day, someone else saw me for the first time since I’ve been back, took a very quick look at me and said, “Hey, are you growing your hair a little longer?”

Now this was a wild comment because I had literally just walked in the door after getting my hair cut.

My first thought was that this person was not very observant, but later I reflected on why he might have thought my hair was longer.

Lately I’ve been combing my hair slightly differently and I figured that’s what he noticed. He noticed something was different; he just didn’t know what it was so he assumed it was longer.

Two days after my vacation, people’s perceptions of me have changed: now I’m fat and I’ve got long hair.

They didn’t say that, but some people might think that if those comments had been said to them.

That’s why you need to process the comments you receive from others. You also need to understand the person making the comment.

I know that the person who made the comment about my weight would himself like to put on a little weight. His comment probably was the result of looking at the contrast between what he’s trying to do and what I had accomplished.

I was the fulfillment of his goal … I only wish that could be true.

Sometimes we get all bent out of shape because of what someone says to us. We hold onto it and stew over it and build it up into a huge judgement on us.

It’s better to take the comment and process it so you don’t find yourself in front of one of those carnival mirrors that make you look short and wide … or fat and with long hair!

Here’s the thing: Our own words to ourselves can hinder us. We need to process what we say and think about ourselves. The best resource for that processing is the Bible, because in there you will find what God really thinks of you: He loves you and has a plan for you … and that’s all that matters.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What recent comment do you need to process rather than just believe at face value? Leave your comments below.

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Love Is A Curious Thing

“Love is a curious thing” – that’s part of a line from a song by Huey Lewis and the News.

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The other night I was forced to watch the ending of the Bachelorette. That’s right, I said I was forced, outnumbered with nowhere to go.

It was just the last four minutes of the show, but that was where it all happened. Two men went to propose to one woman. One guy was sent away sad, and all the other guy could say was, “I love you”.

Here’s another line from that song, “Power of Love:: “makes a one man weep, makes another man sing”. Ha, that’s what we saw in the show.

Huey Lewis must be a prophet. Years ago he said that that was the power of love, and the other night, the Bachelorette proved him right!

The men came separately, at different times, each getting out of a black Escalade. The first thing you saw was their shoes and socks.

I didn’t like the first guy’s socks, and from the groans on the other side of the room, the other two in the room were disappointed that this guy was getting out of the car first.

Apparently it means (if you’re a Bachelorette fan) that he will not be the guy the Bachelorette picks.

If only that first guy could have chosen a different pattern on his sox he might have been the guy. I don’t think the socks even went with his suit; I certainly wouldn’t have worn them.

The first guy said all the right things. He was so confident that she was going to pick him. Thing is, we all knew that he was going to be shot down hard.

And the girls (my wife and daughter) were right. The Bachelorette didn’t even let him get down on his knee to propose to her. She cut him off and said he was not the one.

She was really heart broken, you could tell. She said she loved him but he still was not the guy she was going to choose.

A lessor known music group, “Little Feat”, sang about this in a song called, “Two Trains”: “Now there’s two trains runnin’ on that line, one train’s me and the other’s a friend of mine.”

The Bachelorette show is set up in just that way. The second guy showed up after in an identical Black Escalade. He was just as confident, though there was a hint of nerves.

What if she picked the other guy over him? He almost tripped over one of the platforms that was on the beach to give them stability as they made their entrance.

Oh, but he was that lucky guy; he was the one she wanted over the first guy. She loved them both but she could only pick one, and she picked number two. I thought he had a better choice of socks anyway.

Lowell George who wrote the song, “Two Trains”, thought this was the way to go. He said, “You know it would be all right, be just fine, if the woman took one train and left the other behind.”

And that’s just what she did. The Bachelorette, now a popular TV show in 2016, was fashioned after two songs written in 1973 and 1985.

Here’s the thing: In love we have to choose one or another. There is a winner and a loser. But with God, He has chosen us – all of us – to show His love to. All we have to do is accept it.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: Have you taken God up on His love proposal yet? Leave your comments below.

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I Have Special Privileges

I’m sure that the people I talked to yesterday think I have special privileges with God.

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Everyone knows it’s been a dry summer in southern Ontario. It’s been warm and hot so far, and when you add in the humidity, this summer rivals any warm spot south of the border.

It’s been so dry that at our cottage the grass is pretty much gone and only the weeds are flourishing. We needed to do something or all we would have left is sand and weeds.

So with my brother’s help we put in an irrigation system. And no, we didn’t bury 50 feet of garden hose in the process, but you can read about that story in this post (click here).

The installation of the system didn’t take much more that a few hours. Getting all the parts we needed took longer. I think the sprinkler manufacturers try to make it difficult to hack their system and make it a lot cheaper.

I don’t think it hurt us working with bone dry, sandy ground either. It made digging the trenches for the tubing fairly easy. The edger went into the ground like butter.

When we finished the install, I hooked it all up and tested the lines; it worked like a charm.

Our plan was to put down grass seed all over our property and then water it like crazy with our new system.

That was the theory. That was the plan. That was what we were going to do.

But since it was Sunday morning, first we were going to church.

On our way out of the park that our cottage is in, I noticed a white piece of paper hanging from the security gate.  As we approached, the words on the paper startled me.

The words burned in my mind as they raised with the arm of the gate to let us out of the park.

The words read, “watering ban in effect” … Whaaaaaaaat?!

We just finished putting in a sprinkler system to give us a lawn and keep our property from turning into a dune or a beach volleyball pit, and before I get to use my new watering system there is a ban on watering.

What gives with that?

After church, we did put seed down on the lawn. I went over to my brother’s place and there were some people there who knew what we had done so they kind of mocked me.

They joked that it was on account of me that the watering ban was on. So to counter them I said, “I’m praying for rain.”

Well, we haven’t had rain in a week or so. Everything is dry. But as the afternoon went on it looked more and more like it might rain.

That evening the humidity was thick, the air couldn’t hold the moisture any longer and it rained.  In fact, it rained for a good portion of the night.

Those people know I’m a preacher; they heard me say I was praying for rain. Now who’s laughing? I felt a little like Elijah, except without the false prophets, sacrifices, and fire from heaven (check that story out here).

If they thought I had an inside track to God before, they really think that now.

Here’s the thing: God is faithful; He gives us just what we need.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: How have you seen God’s faithfulness in your life? Leave your comments below.

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A New Idea For Your Shopping Experience

I’ve come up with a new idea for grocery stores, something I’m sure could be used in other retail businesses as well.

The idea is a bit of a throwback to the “service is king” mentality of yesteryear. It should work well because it will market to people who remember yesteryear.

“Yesteryear” is a time in the past – not really sure when – but it was long ago. It’s also referred to fondly by many as “the good old days”.

This idea I have is for seniors, and I really think it could take off. It would cost the grocery stores some money in employing young teens who can handle a harsh comment and a light touch of a cane to the back of the leg.

Here’s where I got the idea from …

I was at a grocery store helping Lily do the shopping. Actually, I was adding to the shopping cart, her shopping list and to the price we would be paying.

I had found something about two aisles over from where Lily was with the cart. As I made my way to Lil, I saw a little old lady (not the one from Pasadina) at the end of the aisle where Lily was looking intently at the label on a package of paper towels.

The lady caught my eye because she was just standing there with her hand on a stack of pop cans, with a look on her face that I identified as “I think I might need some help here”.

I thought maybe she was not feeling well, like maybe she was dizzy, or weak, or confused. So I asked her, “Are you okay? Do you need some help?

She responded by saying “I can’t find my shopping cart; someone has taken it.”

Hearing that I was ready to jump into action and overpower the jerk who took the old lady’s cart. But just as I was about to start looking, a teenaged store employee came along with her cart and a cane.

I guess she had wondered off from them and didn’t remember where they were. The young man called her by name and said, “here you go” as he handed her her stuff.

She turned and commented, “It’s hard; I’m 91 years old.” As she shuffled away, I saw a cashier trying to wave her down, telling her she also had some groceries waiting at the cash.

You know that lady was going to get into a car and drive away after that?! … but that’s another blog post altogether.

When I saw all this happen I got inspired. I bet a lot of seniors – I mean the really senior kind of seniors – would love to have a young guy or girl push their cart and fill it, all on their command.

Seniors would flock to a grocery store that had that kind of service. The kids wouldn’t mind; they might even get a tip, and something monetary from the seniors they served.

Who knows? By the time I get to be a real senior, I might like a little of that yesteryear treatment too.

Here’s the thing: We all need a little help at times in life. One of the most important things a church provides is others to walk with you when you need that helping hand. Church should be a place where people assist each other and we all should be on the lookout for those we might be able to help.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: How have you been helped by someone in your life? Leave a comment below.

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Is Taking A Vacation Worth It?

My life is so overextended right now that I have to work extra hard just to get myself ready for vacation.

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Back when I was a child, and even a teen, when vacation time came around I could literally drop what I was doing and go.

Of course, in those days I had servants (also called parents) that did all the prep work for vacation. I was just along for the ride.

Family vacation was a bonus for me then anyway; I was already on vacation.

But now it’s a different story. In order to leave on vacation, I have to cover my bases, make sure people are in place, and that responsibilities are assigned.

Then there’s the issue of unfinished work.

The experts say that if you really want a rest, if you want to relax, you need to clear up the things you’ve been putting off. In other words, you need to catch up on your work so you can take a break.

The problem is we’re often behind on our work because we’re too tired and need a break.

It seems like a lose-lose situation. I need a break from work, but in order to do that I have to burn myself out before I go so that I have nothing left when I actually take my vacation.

My vacation then becomes a rest AND recuperation.

I have lots of projects that I should tackle before vacation and but there are particularly two things that will stare me in the face all throughout vacation if I don’t do them before I go.

One of those projects involves the desktop on my computer. It is strewn with files and folders, representing work that I need to file or finish.

The filing is not that difficult to accomplish; the time it will take is minimal. It’s the work I need to finish that has me reeling.

The work staring at me from my computer screen has two stages to it. It’s work I need to post to a website.

The first stage is the preparation. I need to get the work in a format that is ready to be posted … I’ve already been working on that.

The second stage involves posting it to the website. This part will take a long time. It’s a tedious, multi-step process for each file.

I remember one year going on vacation, and within an hour of leaving the house, I started feeling sick.

By the time we got to where we were staying the first night, I was sicker than I’d ever been in my life.

I think I had worked so hard getting myself ready for vacation that my body said, “That’s enough!” and it kind of shut down on me.

I was a couple of days into vacation before my body started to come around and I began feeling like myself again.

That seems counteractive to the whole idea of vacation.

Oh, for the days when I had servants to do all the work for me!

Here’s the thing: We tend to overextend ourselves, pushing hard for things, even when we don’t have the power to make them happen. We strive in our own power, and become exhausted, only in the end turning to God for the help He can provide. Why not go to Him first, and seek His wisdom, power and support? Don’t burn out in your own power.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What work or issue could you take to God, instead of wearing out in your own strength? Leave your comments below.

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My Hockey Season is Finally Over

We just celebrated Canada’s birthday, and this morning I finally hung up my skates for the season.

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That’s Canada … hockey till July! No wonder some folks down south believe we live in igloos. Those same people probably think we are still skating outside in July.

This is actually the latest I’ve played hockey in several years. There are other things that get in the way, things like golf and mountain biking.

I only have time for so much; something had to give.

I will tell you though, it’s kind of nice showing up to the arena wearing sandals, shorts and a T-shirt … and I’d much rather come out of the arena to temperatures of +25 C with the sun high in a blue sky than -25 C with the wind howling and the snow flying.

It was time to stop; the numbers were getting low. I guess people have other things to do on a Saturday morning.

We only had three aside and two goalies yesterday. It was like playing overtime in the NHL, except we did it for an hour and 10 minutes!

We even made a trade part way through the game, and my team acquired my son in a one-for-one trade.

We made a killing on the trade, and improved our team and chances by a considerable amount.

For the last game of the season, it was nice to be on the same side as my son and set him up for a few goals.

Normally, we are on opposite teams because he refuses to put a white jersey in his hockey bag. … The teams are usually chosen by light and dark sweaters, so he’s on the other side most of the time.

Before I even had kids, I remember dreaming about being able to play hockey with my children when they became adults.

Since I was in my 30’s before we started, I wondered if I would still be able to skate by the time they reached an age where we could play on the same level.

Well, it’s kind of nice now. I just turned 60, my son is 25, and we were able to dangle some moves together that hypnotized the goalie.

Lily has mixed emotions about the end of the season.

On the one hand, I leave to play at 6:30 in the morning so it’s no hassle for her because she’s still sleeping. But on the other hand, now that the last game has been played, I just added all my hockey sweaters, socks and underwear to the pile of laundry … laundry just increased by a few loads this week.

Without hockey on Saturday, I’ll be able to get at things earlier on Saturday mornings – Lily should be happy. She’ll have more of my time to coerce me into projects and tasks around the house.

Then there is some vacation time up ahead and there’s not much room for hockey when the beach is taking up most days.

It’s a good time for a break, to focus on some other things, and do some dreaming of next season.

Here’s the thing: Different seasons or times of year bring different schedules and commitments. In the changes, your time with God can get put on the shelf. As one thing stops and something else starts, be sure that you keep your time with God – that season never ends.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What seasonal activity has impacted your devotional time? Leave your comments below.

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I Just Got Some Insights On Baking

I’m not often in the kitchen when my wife is baking, but the other day I got a little insight into what goes into baking.

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She was making cookies – ginger snaps to be exact. I’ve been eating her ginger snaps for years and I really never knew what went into making them.

I knew there had to be sugar because they’re pretty sweet. I also knew that there was molasses in ginger snaps.

But what I didn’t know is that it’s not just any kind of molasses that you put in ginger snap cookies. It’s fancy molasses.

To be honest with you, when I realized that it was fancy molasses in the cookies, I found it hard to believe.

First of all, I wouldn’t call ginger snaps fancy cookies. You wouldn’t find them at a fancy restaurant, or at a high class hotel. You wouldn’t even necessarily come across ginger cookies at any special occasion like Christmas or Easter or Thanksgiving.

It’s your run-of-the-mill, every day, blue collar, working man’s kind of cookie.

So why do they use fancy molasses? And what’s the difference between regular molasses and the fancy kind?

I was really puzzled about this so I did a little research and found out that my wife, though she bakes a mean cookie, has been using the wrong molasses in her ginger snaps.

There are actually five types of molasses and it comes directly from sugar cane. I couldn’t find out why it’s called “fancy”, but another name for fancy molasses is “gold star”.

Whatever you call it, it sounds kind of special, certainly more special than the others: Lite, cooking, unsulphured, and Blackstrap.

Fancy molasses is very sweet and I now realize that’s why my wife’s cookies taste so sweet.

If she used cooking molasses, which is a combination of Fancy and Blackstrap molasses, her ginger snaps wouldn’t be quite as sweet and I would be able to eat 5 or 6 more at a time.

… It’s possible that she knows this and it’s on purpose that she makes them sweeter to cut down on my consumption per serving, but I’m not sure about that.

I think she uses a recipe that calls for fancy molasses because the person who came up with that recipe had a bit of a sweet tooth.

I’m just not sure how to break the news to Lily that she needs to change the molasses in her ginger snaps. Though she sees me as a cookie eating machine, verging on a Cookie Monster, she doesn’t respect my culinary skills or knowledge.

I think the best I can hope for is when she reads this post she will be swayed to try a different kind of molasses the next time she makes her ginger snaps.

By the way, why don’t they call these cookies “molasses cookies” instead of “ginger snaps”? There is way more molasses in them that there is ginger.

You know, if we called them “fancy molasses cookies” I bet they would start showing up in snobbier places and events … I’m just sayin’.

Here’s the thing: We all have different tastes, likes and dislikes. That’s why it’s important to create your time with God in a manner, method, and way that you relate best to Him. There are no cookie cutter relationships with God.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: How do you structure your devotional time? Leave your comments below.

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I Was A Little Overfed This Father’s Day

I’m feeling pretty stuffed today. This year Father’s Day really took a toll on me.

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For years on Dad’s day I would be treated to a special meal of some kind. Either we would BBQ steak in the backyard or we would go to a restaurant for a meal that would be easy on the work but heavy on the pocketbook. The festivities would be over by mid afternoon and I would still be able to get in my Sunday afternoon nap.

Well, the years have come and gone. We’ve done different things for Father’s Day, but this year had a new twist.

Instead of the family gathering around Father, Dad went to the family.

The festivities started right after church when I was presented with a brownie by one of our teens. All I did was be a dad.

As I shoved the whole thing in my mouth in one shot (just in case someone tried to sneak a bite), I thought maybe we should do this every Sunday. We could have different groups in the church present dads with brownies – you know, one week it could be the little children, the next week it might be the seniors.

Another week could be the wives … well, on second thought, maybe that wouldn’t work so well.

Sticking to Father’s Day this year, I had my brownie and next up was lunch with our son, Mike.

We met at a restaurant because Lily and I were going to our cottage for a day, and it would be easier to pick up and leave town after lunch.

We had a nice meal; I was pretty full after my triple decker club sandwich and, of course, the brownie I had after church.

Now if I had have gone biking after that I might have been ready for an evening meal, but all we did was sit in a car and drive for a few hours to Toronto to meet with our daughter, Karlie.

Those days of having the family all come together where Dad resides has gone by the wayside. We’re too spread out for that.

We arrived right at dinner time, but I didn’t feel like I needed any dinner. I felt that my lunch meal was still in my stomach and, because I didn’t get my nap, my body had put a stoppage to the work of breaking down my meal.

I could have skipped dinner at that point, but my daughter, Karlie, had been waiting all day for a nice meal with her dad and she was starving.

So out we went for another restaurant meal and more food. This time I even got talked into having dessert. It was seeing the people eating at the table next to me that talked me into it.

Well, when we finally rolled out of the restaurant, we got back in the car and continued on our journey to the cottage.

It was quite a Father’s Day … it was a lot of food. It was great being with both my kids!

Here’s the thing: Your Heavenly Father wants to see you, to meet with you, so much so that He will show up whenever and wherever you will meet with Him. Just make sure you show up. Don’t just take it for granted that He’s around and close by. He’s looking forward to sharing a meal with you.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What did you do for Father’s Day this year? Leave your comment below.

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I’ve Had Too May Birthdays – That’s Enough!

I guess you could say I’ve had a lot of birthdays – so many in fact, I can’t remember them all.

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I just had one the other day. This one I will remember – actually, I would like to forget it, but I’ll remember it because it’s one of those birthdays that ends in a zero.

The day before my birthday, I went mountain biking. I almost crashed into a tree, but instead grabbed it and scraped my arm a bit.

Someone asked me if I’m going to stop biking because of the injuries. I said, “No. I was in my 50’s when I crashed; now that I’m 60 my co-ordination and balance is way better!”

Most people were very nice to me on Facebook, wishing me a happy birthday. The odd person rubbed the age thing in a bit, but not too much.

The thing about it is, on the one hand, I’m proud that I reached a milestone like 60. I’m pretty pleased that at sixty I can still play hockey, ride my bike, and beat my son in golf.

But the downside of turning 60 is that it sounds so old. When I turned 40 or 50, those were ages that sounded like maturity. Even if I lacked a little at times, at least my age gave the appearance that I was a mature adult.

It’s different with 60. It just sounds like you’re an old man. Who cares if you’re mature? You’re old now and that’s all people think when you say, “sixty”.

They think, and may even ask, “Where are you keeping that cane?” “You driving a Buick yet?” “Did you hear me or do you have your hearing aid in?”

I know that by next year I will probably get used to being sixty, but right now it has a strange ring to it.

I hope things don’t start to change automatically at this age. Tonight my wife, Lily, took me out to dinner for my birthday. After dinner we went for a walk downtown and I could feel a little tightness in my hip.

… I’m hoping that was a result of my bike ride way back when I was in my 50’s, and not some age-inherent arthritis I was feeling.

As we walked, I did see a number of senior citizens who had some pretty significant limps. I was hoping I wasn’t fitting in with them.

They say you are only as old as you feel. I don’t feel that old … I certainly don’t feel like I’m 60 – that’s an old guy! My dad was sixty once, and I thought he was old then; I’m not that old.

I might have to take this next year and prove that I’m not an old man by doing things old men wouldn’t do.

… I’m not sure what those things are, since I don’t know what sixty year olds won’t do, but this year when I feel like I don’t want to do something, I’m going to do it just in case it’s one of those things!

Here’s the thing: If you’ve put your faith in Christ, when you sin, sometimes you don’t feel like a Christian. But the truth of the matter is you still are a Christian, whether you feel like it or not. Confess your sin and get on with living up to who you are.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What have you found to be a difficult adjustment to make? Leave your comments below.

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It’s A Disaster When I’m Not Focused

Some people are naturally more focused than others, but focus is important for everyone.

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When you’re focused, you get more done in less time; you rid yourself of distractions. When you’re focused, the main things seem to be clearer in your mind.

But it’s not always easy to be focused. There are times – especially when we are tired – that we just can’t focus on any one thing.

I had that experience a week ago when I was working with a committee to write a report. We had worked for many hours on the contents and finally we were consolidating and tuning all our expressions into a concise, articulate document.

After a couple of hours, I couldn’t concentrate on the point we were dealing with. All I could think of was closing my eyes, that there was time the next day to finish our task.

A few days ago, I also had a moment when I had to talk myself into getting focused. I was trying to throw a crumpled piece of paper into a garbage basket from about eleven feet away (okay, I measured the distance later).

I missed three times: to the left, to the right, and then short. Each time I thought I would make the shot, but it wasn’t until I really trained my sights on the back of the basket that I drained it.

I had to tell my eyes what to lock onto, instead of looking in the general direction. When I locked my focus on the back of the garbage basket, I put it in … and to prove it wasn’t a fluke, I did it five more times in a row after that.

When I think of focus, I think of a magnifying glass and the sun. When you get the sun to shine through the magnifier until the light draws together to form a ray that is so intense and powerful that you can start a fire, that’s focus.

When I focus on a golf ball, I will hit it squarely centred on the club face. When my focus is not trained on the ball, I will miss the centre ever so slightly and the ball will not travel as far.

In my office, first thing in the morning, if I get out my study tools and start reading, I focus on my task undistracted.

If, however, I open up my email, my focus is lost to find out who wants my attention. My mind is flooded with added thoughts, concerns, and demands that were not there before I looked at my email.

My intent, my focus is no longer laser-like; it’s not going to burn a hole through any paper.

The trick is eliminating things that distract, that widen our view and keep us from locking onto our target with pinpoint accuracy.

Here’s the thing: When it comes to focusing on God, the best time to focus is before you have any other commitment or distraction on your mind. That’s why I like the early morning, before I look at or do anything else. That’s when it’s easiest to focus on my mind on God. And if I happen to wake up with something else on my mind, I simply determine a later time when I will deal with it, so I can lay it aside for the time being.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What do you do to focus your attention? Leave your comments below.