relationships

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What Your Freezer Reveals

Our freezer has gotten pretty full this week and it’s not that we have found all kinds of great deals on food. That would be a reasonable conclusion, but that’s slightly off the mark.

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My wife, Lily always looks for great deals on food. I’ve watched her comb the grocery store flyers that come to the house. If the flyer is from a grocery store it goes into one pile and the rest of the flyers get bunched together in another pile.

Sometimes I have to hunt for the Best Buy flyer amongst the hardware store, drug store and all the other random ads.

But not the grocery ads – they are all separated out, stacked together so that it is a smooth transition from one to the next.

Lily will shop at probably three or four grocery stores a week looking for the best deals on produce or meat or what have you.

I had a conversation once with a retired gentleman who now had some time on his hands and took on the task of shopping. He knew where I could get the best deal on grapes. I was amazed he knew that information. I just smiled and later passed the details on to Lil.

I don’t shop. Lily doesn’t even really like me to go with her. She finds things in the cart that she would never buy that adds to the bottom line and nullifies all the painstaking work of searching for deals in the flyers.

But still the freezer is getting quite full. It’s because Lily is making meals and freezing them. She’s pretty pleased about it too. You see, she’s going away for a week and she’s freezing these meals for me.

That’s right, me – the guy who’s not great with knives, nor does he work the stove or oven very well, either. However, I’m not too bad at making the microwave sizzle … thus the frozen meals.

Lily’s happy for a number of reasons. The first one being that she loves me and feels she’s taking care of her husband while being away. But close behind, on the heals of that reason, is that she doesn’t want me to eat out while she’s away.

And you might think she doesn’t want me to eat out because I’ll just be eating greasy food that’s bad for my health. No, the main reason is she doesn’t want me spending money while she’s away.

She’s making all these meals, and she’s hoping I will eat them.

You see, while she’s spending money, living it up in Florida with her mom and sister for a week, she doesn’t want me to be living it up, spending money and clogging up my arteries on some of my fast food favourites.

I realize that by writing about this I’ll have a few extra eyes on me and voices speaking her motto of “don’t eat out”.

Well, all I can say is my son is still around and he’ll probably need me to take him out for a few meals.

Here’s the thing: There is something about us that we can have what we need right before us but we still long for something else. It happens in many areas of our lives and it leads us to spend money on what we shouldn’t, expend time on the needless, commit sin that is harmful to our souls. Take stock of the resources you already have in Christ; build them up and keep your heart from wandering elsewhere.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What do you find yourself wandering to? Leave your comment below.

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Distracting Conversations

One of my weekly events this year is to take in a Kingston Frontenacs’ home game. I usually go on Friday nights; it’s mostly been a date night with my wife.

Kingston Fronts action

It’s been a pretty cheap date too … I get comp tickets because I’m the team chaplain and Lily doesn’t usually want many snacks. We park far enough away so I get a few steps in and there’s no cost for parking.

Man, I’m cheap! Most nights it doesn’t cost me a thing … I hope Lily likes the hockey and me pointing out the guys on the team who come out to chapel.

However, last night I couldn’t get complimentary tickets – the game was sold out. But I was able to pull some strings and pay for a couple of tickets they made available at the last minute.

And since our daughter, Karlie, was in town on a day off, I took her.

There was lots of hype for the game. The number one draft pick in this spring’s NHL draft was going to be on the ice. I guess this 18 year old is filling up rinks in every city he plays in.

The night before, his team, the Erie Otters, were in Peterborough and they had their biggest attendance all year.

It was going to be a good game; I was really looking forward to it. Our seats were at the top of the arena and there was standing room directly behind us.

During the first period there were two women and a man talking rather loudly, not about hockey, but about their work. Personnel issues seemed to be on the highlight reel of their conversation.

I didn’t look behind me but I sensed by the way they were talking, they weren’t even looking at the game. At one point I overheard the following:

“Who are you cheering for?”

“Who’s playing?”

“Kingston and some other team.”

“I guess I’ll cheer for the other team.”

Give me a break! They were standing so close to me and talking so loudly that I could keep up with their play-by-play better that the play that was on the ice.

Fortunately, after the first period the corporate firm moved somewhere else and we didn’t have to suffer through a second period of listening to their possible sales forecast for the next six months.

I’m not sure how they got tickets or why they were even at the game, but since tickets were so scarce, I know there were more deserving souls who would have appreciated what was happening on the ice.

At least for me, it was a good time with my daughter, and you have to take advantage of those times when you can.

In contrast to the first period business commentary, we got to chat between periods with an NHL scout, who kept the conversation about hockey.

Here’s the thing: Spending time with God is so important and we may, with good intentions, want to add to that time to make it even richer. However, we need to be careful that we don’t add things that will complicate or distract from our time with God. For the most part, we need a Bible and a journal to record what God tells us. Reading devotionals and other things, though they can help, can also distract us by getting us focussed on their commentary instead of God’s Word.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What commonly distracts you when you’re spending time with God? Leave your comment below.

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A Winter Vacation Would Be Nice

It’s just past the middle of January and you know what that means, don’t you? It’s time to take that vacation to some place warm, with water and beachfront right out your window.

winter vacation

No, that’s only for the few and fortunate! For the rest of us, mid January signals time for the winter blahs.

The best some of us can do, in the words of the song by Smash Mouth, is take a “Holiday in my Head”. We can only dream of taking off, leaving work and responsibilities behind, for some carefree recreation and rest.

Many of us get out of bed in the mornings in the middle of January and have an overwhelming sense of overload … and dread.

You’ve got too much work to do, and dread that your goals and plans for the year are not going to be reached. You even feel like throwing in the towel and giving up, like there’s a looming catastrophe just around the corner.

Is that how you feel right now? You didn’t get in this place all of a sudden, even though it seems like one day you just woke up and, BAM!, all life is crashing around you.

No, it happens slowly and over time. You miss a deadline; you schedule it but don’t get it done. So you push that work off to the next day or the next, and soon it becomes critical.

That same sequence of events happens over and over with other things in your life, your goals your plans, your commitments, demands and requests from others.

And every day the build-up goes unnoticed until one day you wake up and it all seems like it’s crashing down on you, like a waterfall cascading over the rocks, thundering to the pool of water below.

You’re standing in that pool of water with that waterfall beating down on you. It seems hopeless to get out of it and it’s pounding you down.

It’s only mid January! You have the whole year still ahead of you, but all you can think about is that the whole year is a bust. You’ve blown it, or circumstances have made it impossible for you to have a profitable year.

What do you do when you are in that place? How do you get out from under such an intense feeling of utter defeat?

Well, there are a couple of things you can do when you feel that way. First, you can just forget about some of those things; they may not be as important as you made them out to be.

Second, write everything down, so you can see them all together. When your work and demands are just swirling around in your head, it seems like more than it really is. Seeing all your tasks before you gives you perspective.

Then focus on one thing at a time. Complete it and move on to the next, not thinking of all you have to do, but just the one thing that’s next.

Here’s the thing: To even get to the place where you are able to write everything down and then work on one thing, first turn to God and ask Him for help. Seek His guidance and wisdom to get out from under the downpour. Request His protection to stand over you so that the water beats on Him and you just experience the spray. Then you will find the calm, the presence of mind to do what you have to do.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What has got you overwhelmed at this time?  Leave your comment below.

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I’m Not A Games Person

We have a cupboard in our family room that’s brimming with games, but my family is not a games family. We’ve tried to be a games family over the years …

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When our kids were little we played games. Everyone was happy when playing … except one family member if he wasn’t winning.

It never went well when that scenario was in play.

Every family has one person who has a tough time losing, or, in this day and age, we should probably say “underwhelming in his game potential”.

Well, we might not say that, but we have to use some term to avoid, not point out, or shed any light on the fact that someone lost. We wouldn’t want anyone to think that they didn’t win.

We’re not a games family because we only have one games person in the family and it’s Lily.

Lily is up for any kind of game: board games, tile games, activity games, even puzzles. Puzzles are her favourite. And puzzles are probably the least loved activity by the rest of the family.

She builds them alone.

So when we have company over, Lily usually suggests we play a game. Often I can talk her out of it. But the last time we had guests over she really pressed for us to play a game and, going against my better judgement, I conceded to her wishes.

It was like I lost the game of trying to get out of playing a game. So I knew that things would not go well.

We had several guests so we played an activity game – a game where you act out words for you team, and they have to guess what you are acting out. The game is called “Guesstures”.

Somehow the non-gamer got to bring the game out and set it up. At that point, I think Lil was just rubbing it in that she won and I … well, I don’t even want to say the word but I’ll tell you I sensed I had a large “L” on my forehead.

So we played, and it was the girls against the guys, which in my thinking sets up the girls to win in this kind of game. Women are more expressive and freer in their body movement than most men which gives them a decided advantage.

We are just not that flexible or demonstrative.

So we played the game and to my great surprise the guys were holding their own through the first three rounds. Then it was my turn.

With all the pressure on me, and feelings just below the surface of “I really don’t like playing these games”, I played to my underwhelmed potential. I got one point out of a possible 12.

Oh ya, that game isn’t coming out again for a long time!

The next few rounds went not too badly for the guys. They had to dig us out of the hole I got us into. In the end we pulled it off and beat the girls.

That’s right, we won. You can say you won, you just can’t say they lost. Oh, I guess I said that too. The girls lost.

Here’s the thing: When it comes to developing a relationship with God, if that’s not something you are good at, or have a hard time staying committed to, then get some help from a friend, or mentor. You’ll find that assistance can make developing a relationship with God a winning experience.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What could you use a little help in accomplishing? Leave your comment below.

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Preparation Should Be Our Focus 

Have you noticed how much time goes into preparation as opposed to the actual event?

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It’s usually double, triple or more time than the event itself!

The other night we had some guests over for dinner. It was a great time and I think everyone enjoyed themselves.

But the time it took to prepare for the dinner was exorbitantly more than the dinner itself.

I’m not a cook but I noticed how long Lil spent in preparation for the meal … it’s no wonder people eat at restaurants so frequently.

You can leave home for a fast food joint, be fed and return home in the same or less time than it takes to prepare a meal yourself. And you don’t have the clean up either!

You just have to remember what the symbols for bottles, paper and food look like so you can put your trash and recycling in the right place.

But this discrepancy of time between preparation and an event happens in all aspects of life.

I remember my kids would spend hours setting up their hot wheel track all over the basement.  They would test it out to make sure they had the power chargers in the right places so that the cars would have enough speed to make it through to the end.

When it was all set up and ready to go, it took about 10 seconds for a car to go from start to finish.

I know that for me to preach a sermon takes about 30 -35 minutes – at least that’s what I aim for.  But to prepare for that thirty minute sermon takes a good 15 hours or so.

Back when I was in high school, I waited outside A&A record store on Yonge St., in downtown Toronto, all night to get tickets to an Elton John concert.

The concert was about 3 hours in total, but I had invested way more time!

What I noticed is we spend all kinds of time preparing for things that we are looking forward to. It’s like we do the work to reap the pleasure – only the pleasure lasts for such a short time in comparison.

What we really need to do is switch what we find our pleasure in. We should really be taking pleasure in the preparation to get the full enjoyment of the event or activity.

How much better would it be at the end of the night, washing up the dishes after a dinner party, to have taken pleasure in the preparation of the whole event?

We wouldn’t make comments like, “That was nice, but a lot of work”.

Instead, we would have savoured the time spent wrapping the cutlery in the napkins, or peeling the carrots, or cleaning the bathrooms (well, maybe not that one).

When it was all done we would be excited to do it all over again really soon. But who am I kidding? I’m just trying to figure out a way to convince Lily to put our china dishes in the dishwasher instead of washing them by hand!

Here’s the thing: We like outcomes, the main event; we try to reduce preparation. But it is in the preparation that the outcome, the main event, is as enjoyable as it is. To become more Christlike in our attitude and actions takes preparation. Time spent with God and His word is where He works on getting you all ready and presentable to emulate His Son.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What have you found to be the biggest time discrepancy between preparation and outcome? Leave your comment below.

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New Year’s Eve Plans

Wow, the end of another year! It came up quickly and we had no plans as usual.

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Well, I guess we did have plans; they were the same plans we have most years on New Year’s Eve: we hang out, snack a little, and watch some New Year’s Eve countdown show on TV.

That’s pretty much it. There have been a few years where we’ve varied our pattern but this is the regular “no plan” plan for the end of the year.

But I was leaning away from that plan this year, and it was all because of a TV advertisement for a New Year’s Eve show this year.

I saw an ad for this year’s New Year’s Eve show on ABC called, “Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve”.

The problem with this show is that Dick Clark is no longer with us. In fact, he’s been gone for over two years now. What kind of a New Year’s show is it when the host of the show is not really ringing in the new year with you?

How great a new year can it be if the host isn’t joining you in the celebration?

There is just something wrong about it, that almost says there’s nothing worth looking forward to in the new year.

Maybe the executives at ABC are getting older and don’t have the same optimism as they used to, so why not have a deceased person’s name on the advertising? Nothing spells excitement like that!

I had in mind we should change things up this year. It was kind of late to be making plans with only three days to the big day, but I thought we needed to make the night a little more interesting and add a little hope to the evening.

The problem with putting more effort into NYE is that it happens so often that you blink and it’s here again. And you start to think, “Didn’t we just have New Year’s not that long ago?”

That’s what age does though; it speeds up time for you. A year for someone in their 50’s is like a year and a half for someone in their 20’s.

When you’re in your 20’s you can barely remember the last new year’s, and so it’s a big deal every time it comes around.

But when you get a little older, you feel like you just booked your dinner reservations for last December 31, and now you have to do it again already.

When you’re young, a new year offers all kinds of new opportunities and hopes, but when you’re older you just hope things will hold their own in the new year and there won’t be any surprises.

When you think of it, New Year’s Eve is really for the young, or the young at heart.

After some thought, we changed up our plans and went out … but still made it home in time to watch “Dick Clark’s postmortem New Year’s Rockin’ Eve.”

Here’s the thing: If the sound of giving in to getting older doesn’t seem all that good to you, then fight to stay young at heart. Get out of your rut and breathe some hope and excitement into your routines like New Year’s Eve. And while you’re at it, take a look at your relationship with God – have you gotten safe, comfortable, boring with God? Look at this new year as an opportunity to enhance your relationship with God. Consider how you can engage with God in more hope and opportunity.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What did you do on New Year’s Eve this year? Leave your comments below.

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We Started A New Tradition … Maybe

We all have Christmas traditions. We look forward to them; they bring out the warmth of the season.

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When we lived in Edmonton we had a tradition on Christmas Eve of going out for dinner after our Christmas Eve service. We would go to the Chateau Lacombe Hotel.

It had a revolving restaurant which overlooked the river valley in Edmonton. It was high enough to give a great view of the whole city, especially at night during the Christmas season – the sight was spectacular with all the lights!

Lily and I would always get Chateaubriand for two. It was perfect with live music and a constantly changing panoramic view out the window.

That was our Christmas tradition … well, it was until we moved to Kingston.

Kingston doesn’t have a hotel with a revolving restaurant. In fact, it doesn’t have a restaurant that is open on Christmas Eve, period.

We needed a new tradition for Christmas Eve and that is when we started having a fondue after our Christmas Eve service.

We had some memorable family times together around the table, cooking up big screwers of meat in oil that was at the point of spontaneous combustion.

There was the time that Lily set the table on fire – that was awesome and memorable! … You then keep the tradition just to see if that will happen again!

Fond memories. But like many traditions, that tradition came to an end. Karlie was not able to be with us for the first time this Christmas Eve. She was not able to arrive until about midnight, just shortly before Santa Claus was about to do the present thing and get to bed him and herself.

We needed a new tradition. It would be just Lil, our son Mike and me. We were going to be up waiting for Karlie; we needed something to do.

So I got the bright idea that we should all make our favourite cookies together and have some hot wings to nibble on while we did it.

Everyone was willing to give it a shot (and Karlie wished she had been here to see the whole event).

Lily had laid out bowls and ingredients for each type of cookie Mike and I were going to make. Then she did what she does best.

She hovered, and would say things like, “No, don’t do that. No, that’s not how you do it” …  we had to send her out of the room.

That didn’t stop her from calling instructions from another room like “No, don’t mix that in yet”.

But somehow, through all the distraction, all the mess and debris that kept being flung out of the mixing bowls, we created two kinds of masterly-crafted cookies that melted succulently in our mouths.

The wings weren’t bad either. Lil really chipped in with the clean up, partly because she couldn’t handle the mess we had generated.

Who knows? Maybe it will become a tradition … or maybe not if Lily has her way.

Here’s the thing: Routines can be like traditions and when it comes to making time for God each day, having great traditions or routines make that time more memorable. They make that time something you look forward to. So as you plan how you will spend your time with God in the new year, think of some traditions or routines you can set in place. You will be amazed at the memories you will make with God.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What is your favourite Christmas tradition?

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Bring On Christmas!

Well, our house is finally decorated for Christmas. It has been about a two week process. We’ve lived in a Christmas construction zone in that time, with boxes and decorations lying in wait to be placed where they need to be.

Christmas Decorations

It’s not just the living room that needs to be decorated, our family room gets almost as much glitter and lights as the upstairs.

For me, I’m glad that it’s all finished now because the in-between stage looks so unfinished and I really don’t like the clutter.

For two weeks I haven’t been able to walk around our pool table and if I need to get in a few more steps for the day, I need that space to pace around in.

But now everything is in place where it should be and the Christmas work site has now turned into a beautiful scene of lights, ornaments and ribbon. Lily’s happy with it and that makes me happy.

Not that I really contributed to the putting up of all the decorations – she has an idea of what she wants to do and I’d probably mess things up if I got involved … at least that’s what I’ve convinced myself of.

Sunday afternoon I sat down on the couch and ended up taking a well-deserved nap. When I awoke, Lily had just finished that last touches on the decorations. I figured I woke up just in time.

She asked what I thought and I said it all looked great. I think she was looking for something more, maybe something more flowery or possibly a “I’ll help take it all down”, but the best I could offer at the time was “great job, dear”.

Hey, I was still waking up.

It’s not like I don’t do anything to contribute to the Christmassy look around our house. I put up the lights outside … and Lil doesn’t help me with them.

I have to risk life and limb going up on a ladder to string the lights along the garage eavestrough and then use an extension ladder to secure the lights along the peak of our roofline.

I don’t see her needing a ladder to put her newly spray-painted star on top of the tree … well maybe a step stool.

I was able to get all my decorating done in one afternoon and not the two weeks that we have had to wade through the junk.

But it’s all good now. We are ready for this season we call Christmas.

The decorations are just a mood-setter for what the season is all about. I think the trimmings trigger memories and alter our mood to usher in a most special time of year where we celebrate the birth of Jesus, God’s Son, who came to restore us to God.

Here’s the thing:  Like decorating for Christmas moves us into experiencing the season with a greater depth of feeling, taking time in the next couple of weeks to focus your attention on Jesus and His birth will move you to cherish Him more. The thing is, like putting up the decorations takes effort, take effort to spend some time in God’s Word around the miracle of the Messiah’s birth.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: How much effort goes into preparing for your Christmas? Leave your comment below.

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Embarrassment Can Last Forever

I’m sure everyone, at some point, has wanted to kick themselves for something they did or said.  For many of us, this happens rather frequently … too frequently for my liking.

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I remember entering a Sunday School class when I was in my teens and making a snide remark about the teacher, thinking he wasn’t there yet … only to hear the teacher respond. At that moment, I wanted to take my words back.

As I recall, I didn’t remain in the class for the whole lesson that Sunday.

Then there was the time I was with a bunch of friends on a bus and I saw a man burning leaves on his front lawn. I yelled some comment out to the man which, in the moment, I thought was quite witty.

But all my friends thought it was lame – I mean really lame! I was pretty embarrassed at that moment, and every once in a while, even 40 years later, I still feel like kicking myself for making that comment.

The times we stick our foot in our mouth – or do something so dumb that the actors of “Dumb and Dumber 2” would be embarrassed for us – stay with us and its hard to forget them.

But the worst are the times we say or do things that hurt someone else. Those are the worst because it’s about more than just being mortified or humiliated; you’ve caused someone pain as a result.

By the time you’re in your 50’s, you’d think those days would be over. When the person is a loved one, like a daughter, you’d think this couldn’t happen.

But it did happen with me the other day. I was in a meeting … a prayer meeting. Four of us had grouped together and shared some personal things we wanted prayer for.

I was just about to pray for my daughter Karlie – in fact, the first few words had come out of my mouth – when my phone started to ring.

I know, you’re supposed to turn your phone off in the movies, services and prayer meetings. Well I hadn’t, and my ringer is a funky piano tune.

I panicked and went for my phone, quickly swiping my finger across the screen and answering it.

Of course being in a prayer meeting I couldn’t talk loudly, so I quietly said, “Hang on; I’m in a meeting,” as I moved to an exit.

That’s right, I left praying for my daughter to answer a phone call!

I was kicking myself all the way to the exit. And I’ve been kicking myself ever since!

How could someone do that? How could I do that? What message did I send my daughter in that moment?

I know this is one of those moments that I will cringe about every time I think of it … for years! You can’t take your actions back; you can’t undo what’s been done.

All I could do is say, “I’m sorry, Karlie. I panicked and did the wrong thing. Will you forgive me?”

Here’s the thing:  When we sin, that memory can linger with us and Satan can use it against us to discourage us, to make us too embarrassed to go to God with it. But the best thing, the only thing we should do, is confess our sin to God and move on from there. You can’t take it back. You might not even be able to forget it, but it doesn’t have to keep you from restoring your relationship with God.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What’s one of your most embarrassing moments and what did you do about it?  Leave your comment below.

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Why You Need To Start Something Gradually

There are some weird things about how our bodies work.

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You know how you can be fine one day and wake up the next morning and have a pain that wasn’t there the day before? You can’t put your finger on where it came from; it just showed up in your body … like Canada Post delivering the mail – you never know when it’s going to arrive.

But that’s nothing! I once went into the hospital to have an operation on my nose. It had suffered a little hockey damage and needed a tuck here, opening of the passageway there, kind of thing.

Anyway, when I came to after the operation, I had the worst charlie horse in my right thigh that I’ve ever had. I had to check to see if they had taken some tissue from my thigh and strapped it onto my nose.

Fortunately, there wasn’t any noticeable thigh parts in or around the centre of my face. But when I was leaving the hospital I had a little cast on my nose and a major limp in my walk. It wasn’t pleasant.

Then there was this week. I was playing ball hockey at our pastors’ retreat and, though my favourite position is centre in front of the other team’s goalie, I felt I needed to run a little to show my team I wanted to help out.

Near the end of the game I could feel my muscles starting to react to the running. An hour later, I was walking like a 75 year old who rode horses for a living until he was 65!

I was thinking, “It’s not like I haven’t used my legs. I play hockey regularly. I try to walk about 10,000 steps a day. Why all this muscle pain?”

But that was nothing! The next day I was worse – just thinking of having to walk up or down a flight of stairs sent me into a panic attack and looking for someone to piggyback me.

To say my muscles were barking is an understatement. It was like every muscle from my waist down was in agony; even the muscles in my feet were yelping. And getting up after sitting for a while threw all of them into creating a symphony of pain.

The pain was there the next day too, and even three days later I was avoiding all stairs if I could help it.

How could a little running up and down a gym floor generate all the pain that it did? It just didn’t make sense to me.

Well, it’s called lactic acid build up. I needed it to help me exercise but I produced too much and it couldn’t all be burned off. I had acidosis. It sounds like a contagious disease – I felt like quarantining myself to flat surfaces only.

The preventive measure is to ease into exercise, pace yourself, and do a cool down. Other things that help are water, diet and sleep.

… Lot of help that does me knowing that after the fact!

Here’s the thing: Sometimes we get energized to develop our devotional life with God, and so we go hard at it with big plans and commitments. What happens then is we get a dose of spiritual acidosis and we then back right off. Instead, take it slow, warm up with a short time with God, and build up to longer sessions of spiritual exercise.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: How have you recovered when you’ve stopped your time with God? Leave your comment below.