relationships

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How To Secure Perks In Life

When we sign up for things, we often take note of the perks that go along with them. It might be the key to the staff room, or a special parking spot – maybe even one with your name on it.

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Other perks might be a membership to an exclusive club, or an expense account, or a company car.  Perks are nice; they are those little somethings that make you feel special, important or valued.

But when you sign up for being a dad, you don’t think of the perks you get with that. In fact, when you start out, you don’t even think there are any perks.

There are the 2 am marathons of walking around the family room trying to soothe your little one back to sleep. There are the diapers to be changed, feedings, and the constant questions that never end.

We worry about them, spend money on them, give advice to them, give up our free time for them … do more worrying about them, coax them to spend time with us, more money, more worry, more money.

By the time your kids are in their mid-twenties, there’s been a lot of money and worry that’s gone into them. Perks? They’re not high on the list.

But the other day I got a perk. My kids, Karlie and Mike, took me to a Blue Jays game! It was their birthday present to me. They bought the tickets, and bought me a T-shirt so I would match them in their Blue Jay attire.

This was a far cry from the hockey mini stick Mike made for me years ago (autographed by him). And it’s more than the little cardboard box with stickers Karlie made forever ago for me to put my receipts in. (I still have both of those presents, by the way.)

This wasn’t even something Lily bought for me and they just put their names on it. No, this was something they thought up, something they knew I would like, and something they made arrangements for on their own.

This was a genuine perk. We took in a meal at “Real Sports” just outside the Air Canada Centre, and I got to hang out with my two kids who live in two different cities now.

There was excitement: Mike and I caught up to and beat our Go Train to get on it two stops later, with mere seconds to spare. Karlie had to tell a guy to go away on the subway after he wouldn’t leave her side.

Oh, and there was another perk that day: The Jays walk off win in the 10th inning on an exciting play at the plate!

I never thought of perks when I became a dad. But now it seems like there are some perks, and I have a good feeling there will be more to come.

Here’s the thing: When you sign up with Christ for forgiveness and a relationship with Him, you don’t think of perks along the way. But when you start to take the focus off yourself, your problems and frustrations, and instead concentrate on loving Christ and seeking His will each day, what you find is, He helps you with things you’re not prepared for or equipped to handle. And those are perks you can look forward to every day.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What’s the last perk you received from your kids?  You can leave your comment below.

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Why Anniversaries Are Special

Special days and anniversaries often come and go without giving them too much thought. There are, however, certain special days that are more special than others.

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Though every birthday is special, when someone turns 16 that’s extra special because they can obtain a driver’s license. At eighteen you are considered an adult and get to vote, so that’s special. Depending where you live, 19 or 21 is a special day for dubious reasons.

It seems that span of about five years is littered with extra special days. But after that, the special days like birthdays and anniversaries seem to come in 10 year periods like 30, 40, 50, et cetera.

Some people look forward to these special days; others pretend they didn’t happen.

It’s more likely that someone will want to hide the fact they have reached an age milestone, while being quite proud of reaching an anniversary achievement.

Yesterday I celebrated my 29th wedding anniversary with my wife, Lily. Twenty-nine is not one of those special anniversary dates – 30 is a big deal but 29 is just a run-of-the-mill anniversary.

It doesn’t even have a name or gift associated with it. I figured the gift for the 29th anniversary would be brunch at “Milestones” the restaurant.

It had to be something like that because I have to save up for next year’s anniversary which is “pearl”.

I had a great aunt named “Pearl” and it would’ve been nice to bring her over for tea or something on our 30th … she would be about 115 now. Auntie Pearl passed away 20 years ago so I can’t use her as my “pearl” gift to Lily on our 30th.

It’s a good thing I have a year to figure it out.

But getting back to this no-name 29th anniversary of ours. Though on the surface it doesn’t seem hardly worth getting a card to even acknowledge the day, it is in fact a very special anniversary to me.

On this day I have now been married for exactly half my life – the most recent half, I might add.

That’s significant. Think of all the years you grew up in your home with your family, and then all the years you hung out with friends and went to school, and the years you figured out what career you were going to go for.

Think of all the fun and hardships of the years you spend before you were married, the experiences and adventures, all the people, all the laughter, tears, worry.

Well, all of that, I’ve done all over again with Lily. It’s like I’ve lived life twice, once single and now a second time married.

So you see, my 29th anniversary is a special day. It should be called something, even at the very least, the “corrugated paper” anniversary.

Hey, that’s a great idea! I could get Lily a box, and I could fill the box with hope … hope that next year she’ll get a pearl on her anniversary.

Here’s the thing: Have you ever compared your life before Christ to the time you’ve spent with Him? The experiences, the adventures, the joys, laughter, tears and worry? Have you ever considered just how significant your life with Christ has been so far compared to your life before you knew Him? Take some time to reflect on that, and praise God for your relationship with Him.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What has been a particularly special date or memory you have had with Christ?  Leave your comment below.

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Why Some Experiences Should Linger

There are experiences that we have that linger and others that don’t.

Around-the-campfire

At our cottage we have a firepit. It doesn’t get used much. In fact, for half of the summer we had our picnic table sitting over it. We don’t even keep a fresh supply of firewood. The wood we have in our bin is a few years old, although I understand that only makes it better for burning.

We only have fires when our kids are around or we have guests with kids. It seems like kids of all ages like to sit by a fire.

I don’t mind sitting by the fire, and at the time I rather enjoy it – unless I have a steady stream of smoke funnelling towards my eyes. I’m not the greatest fire maker, but I’m pretty good at making smoke!

Recently we had a double whammy. Our daughter was up with a friend AND we had friends with kids over who had just moved to the area. There was no getting out of a fire that night.

I was happy someone else made the fire. I just sat down and enjoyed it.

Well, I sort of enjoyed it. When I sat down the smoke was directed right at me, so I had to cover my eyes for the first few minutes. After that everyone else looked kind of blurry because my eyes were still watering.

That’s one reason I don’t like campfires. But the biggest reason I don’t like fires is because afterwards you smell like smoke. You can’t get away from the smell either.

You can change your clothes but your hair still smells smokey. And if you’re a hairy guy or gal, the smoke even hangs on those hairs on your arms and legs (not to mention your back)!

Even washing your hair doesn’t really do the trick. Somehow the fire smell clings on even through the strong scent of Irish Spring soap and Dove shampoo. You come out of the shower feeling clean except for that hint of fire when you turn your head quickly to the right (down wind).

However, there are things about campfires I do like. They’re a real good place to talk. Somehow the fire has this hypnotic effect on people where they stare into the fire and words tumble over their lips … Like that pre-op drug they give you so you can’t keep your mouth shut!

This happens in a greater degree for some than others. The more the coals glow and fire burns, the more of a calming, reflective effect the fire has on people.

In fact, sometimes nothing is said but you’re still communicating. It’s like suddenly you all have mental telepathy; you’ve crossed over to a higher state of consciousness … not really.

Hey, maybe someone should try to bottle this campfire effect! You know, just like they make potato chips with a Canadian maple bacon flavour (how does President’s Choice do that?).

Still, as great as it is, there’s that smell of smoke that lingers that you just can’t shake.

Here’s the thing:  Our time of prayer with God should be like a campfire. When you approach God there should be an easy flow of thoughts back and forth. And when you’re done, there should be a sense of that time lingering … Only you don’t want to wash that sense away; you want to bask in it.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: How long does the smoke linger on you? You can leave your comment below.

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When Silence Isn’t Golden

They say that silence is golden – at least I remember hearing that phrase in a song way back in the sixties. I’m not sure it’s true in every situation.

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In our world we are surrounded by so many sounds that having some peace and quiet can be a real treat for a change.

But there is always noise … It’s early morning as I’m writing this and though it’s peaceful and quiet, there is still the hum of the refrigerator that just came on a few seconds ago, and the tick tock of the battery-operated clock hanging on the wall just a few short feet from me.

Even if I went outside there are birds chirping, leaves rustling, or even the noise of cars travelling down a distant roadway.

There is always some noise, a voice of some kind that breaks our silence. And maybe that’s a good thing. Maybe complete silence would drive us crazy.

We’d be left alone with our thoughts.

I know that when I get in my car, the first thing I do after starting the car is hit the button on the radio to get some music. Some people just like to have noise, music, talking, whatever alway in the background – radio always on; TV on in another room.

Some people just talk . . . and they never stop. That’s good at times for a person like me who doesn’t have too much to say. Even if the person talking isn’t saying anything interesting, at least it serves as white noise to drown out the silence.

But there are times when I like it quiet. There are times I need it quiet. My mind works better when it’s not distracted by noise around me. I can think clearly, focus more singularly. Its golden.

Then other times silence isn’t golden. Like when you are talking and the person you are talking to isn’t responding.

I’ve had that happen to me on the phone. I was telling a friend important information and during my explanation we were cut off. I’m not sure how long I talked for before I realized there was no one even listening to me, but it was a weird feeling. I had to call back and start over.

There are times when I’ve talked to people who can’t talk back. People in the hospital, at times, are unable to respond or even indicate that they hear what you are saying to them. It’s hard to keep talking in those situations.

There are people who, when they get mad, get silent. And you can talk to them until you’re blue, but they don’t say anything in return. That’s got to be tough. It’s certainly not golden.

In these situations, silence doesn’t help or even solve anything. You really have to talk through them. What’s really golden is knowing when to talk and when to be silent.

Here’s the thing: There are times when we talk to God and it’s as though He isn’t listening.  There just seems to be no response from Him at all. You can plead, beg, even cry out in frustration but still nothing from God in return. At those silent times the temptation is to stop talking to God, to bury your thoughts, worries, frustrations, discouragements and leave God alone in silence.

But that doesn’t solve anything. We need to keep talking to God, keep bringing our thoughts, our needs or hopes to Him, for out of that silence, at some point, God will answer. And that will be golden.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: How long have you gone in silence with God? Leave your comment below.

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How Your Words Carry A Lot Of Weight

I think I may be helping my wife lose her mind. We have more power in what we say than we realize, so we really need to make sure what we say is true and right.

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Recently, Lily and I were getting ready to go on a vacation. There was just one glitch. I had to do some scrambling to get a post-dated pay cheque. But I finally got it and we took off.

Things were going well for the first bit of vacation when I realized it was past pay day. So I said to Lily, “We have to get my cheque in the bank”, and promptly got the reply of “where is it?”

I couldn’t believe she was asking that question because I was positive I had given it to her when I came home. So I told her, “You have it!”

She looked at me with a stunned look and I could almost see the wheels in her brain spinning back and forth trying desperately to remember where she had put the cheque.

Both of our minds were now working overtime trying to figure out where this cheque was. We both started looking in places where we might have put it and even places where there’s no way it would be.

All the time I kept telling Lily, “I gave it to you”. And, to be honest, I only thought I gave it to her but I couldn’t actually remember handing her the cheque.

This mini crisis went on for a while. Lily called our son to see if he had seen it at home. She checked to see if we could get by without it. There was even talks of contingency plans of having it couriered to us.

All the while, I was drumming it into Lily’s mind that I had given her the cheque.

For about twenty minutes this kept up, and I was trying to retrace my steps in my head because I thought maybe I hadn’t given my cheque to Lily … not that I was going to publicly admit that out loud!

As I went through my steps, I picked up a folded piece of paper on the coffee table in our cottage. Although I had looked at this paper before, I had only glanced at it because, of course, I had given my pay to Lily.

This time I unfolded the paper and looked at what was there. Guess what? My pay cheque was inside. It all came back to me how I got the cheque and what I did with it.

At this point, however, Lily blurted out, “No wonder I think I’m losing my mind! It’s you planting thoughts in my head that aren’t true that get me worrying that I’m not able to remember things!”

Now she thinks it’s my secret plan to drive her crazy!

Here’s the thing: It’s not a good thing to lead someone to believe something that’s not true. It’s criminal to lead someone to believe something about God and His Word that’s not true. We need to be very careful when speaking for God that our words are not just hearsay. The answer is to know God’s Word and then be careful using words like “God told me” or “God says”. Make sure it’s really true before you lead someone to believe it.

That’s Life

Paul

Question: Have you led someone to believe something that you later found out was not true? I’d like to here your thoughts; you can leave your comment below.

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How To Manage The Ups And Downs In Life

My golf game the other day resembled life to a large degree. And, like my game, life is filled with ups and downs.

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When I was in my early twenties I played golf every Saturday morning.  It was like clockwork, unless I had a late night the night before and then I sometimes got a few pebbles thrown at my window to nudge me out of bed.

Well, this past Saturday was a blast from the past for me. I had an early 7:05 am tee off time with a couple of buddies.

It’s been years, but I still remembered the quietness of that time of day, and the stillness of the air. The dew was thick on the grass and the sun breaking through the trees created breathtaking patterns of light and shade on the fairways.

That’s a nice picture, isn’t it? Well it stops right about there because, for some reason, I couldn’t hit the golf ball on Saturday.

I started with a 6, and if you don’t know anything about golf, let me tell you, it doesn’t matter if it’s a long hole or short hole, a 6 is never a good score!

I posted another 6 on the next hole, and when I got my third straight 6, I glanced over at the score card my partner was keeping and I could see the pattern. My card read 666 and you know what that’s the sign of!

That’s maybe why I was kind of relieved when I scored – yup, you guessed it – another 6 on the next hole. With four sixes on the first four holes, it was very obvious I was having a terrible round. But at least now no one was going to confuse me for being the devil.

The rest of the front nine holes were up and down – a couple of good holes but also a couple of bad ones.

Then things changed around on the back nine. I don’t really know why; no one gave me a pep talk or anything. I just started to hit the ball better. I parred the next 5 holes in a row.

And if you don’t know anything about golf, that means I got the ball in the hole in the correct number of shots.

I had one little hiccup on the 15th hole but then I parred the next two. That’s seven pars on the back nine. That’s a great score for me, and I would say for most people.

Then came the last hole. I don’t know what happened to me, but I choked. I didn’t get a 6 though – I got a 7! I had such a good back nine but then one hole sunk it.

But you know what? As I stare at my score card now, I can’t wait to try again.

Here’s the thing: Life is sometimes bad – sometimes really bad – but it’s also sometimes very good. Often we can’t explain why it is so, we can only take what we get. We have a tendency to blame God for the bad, and just bask in our own glory during the good.

The Bible says everything comes from the hand of God, so we should be looking to God in the good and the bad. We should be seeking to know Him more in all of life. So whether life is good or bad, we should want to get up each morning and try again.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: How have you handled the good and bad in life? I’d really like to hear from you; you can leave your comment below.

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Why Keeping Secrets Can Hurt You

I need you to keep this blog a secret … at least from my doctor. Today is my birthday and there are probably going to be a few surprises. But there will also be a few things that I am sure of today.

Paul's Birthday cake

While I have no idea what presents I will receive, I do know what cake I will be eating on my birthday. It’s the same every year. And just to confirm my already confident prediction, I saw Lily baking it.

Now the reason we have to keep this from my doctor is because of the sugar and fat content of this cake. All cakes fall into the “not healthy” category of food groups, but my cake probably ranks up there higher than most.

The ingredients are simple: angel food cake, whip cream and raspberries. When the cake has been baked, it is cut in half and both halves are hollowed out just a bit. Then in a bowl you mix the raspberries into the whip cream to make the “icing”.

Once that’s done, you put a ton of the “icing” into the hollowed out parts of the cake and then put the two halves back together.

Finally, you slather the outside of the cake (and I mean slather it on thick) with the whip cream mixture and you’re done.

Now is your mouth watering already? . . .  Mine is, and it’s only 7:30 am when I’m writing this piece.

So, you see, this is not the kind of thing you share with your doctor.

When he asks how you are feeling, you say, “Very well, thank you.”  When he asks, “Have you been getting your exercise?” you say, “I’ve been biking three times a week.” When he queries how you have been eating, you DON’T mention the cake. You just say, “I’ve been trying to eat more vegetables lately.”

Now I only get this cake once a year. It’s strictly a birthday cake, not an “I thought I’d bake your favourite cake Friday”. But this year I got a bonus.

For the first time in six years, Karlie was home for her birthday and Lily, like usual, was all geared up to bake her a cake. But to everyone’s surprise, and my delight, Karlie asked for my birthday cake.

So I’ve had a couple of pieces already this year; just as good as ever, and double reason not to let this leak out to the doctor.

By the way, it’s not all bad. I’ll be working that cake off today by stripping the paint off my deck at the cottage. It will be like I ate only vegetables today.

Here’s the thing: In life we can keep things from others. We might do it to look good or because we would be embarrassed or ashamed if others knew. But just like my birthday cake will contribute to clogging my arteries and adding on a few pounds, keeping things from others only hurts yourself. You can try to keep things from God, and try to ignore the fact that He knows everything. You can even pretend that it’s all a secret. But you are only hurting yourself. Admit your sin to God; don’t try to hide it from Him. He knows anyway … just like my doctor will probably get wind of this blog.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: How has keeping something from others hurt you in the long run? I’d really like to hear from you;, you can leave your comment below.

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How To Persevere 

Sometimes we are better when we have to persevere. You know, the struggle makes you focus more, work harder, come together or rise to the challenge.

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This week my son, two of his friends and I were in a golf tournament. It was a fundraiser for Youth Unlimited Kingston (Youth for Christ). This was the same foursome we entered the year before.

Last year we won the event (you can read that blog here), and this year the outcome was the same … but that wasn’t the only thing that was the same. The weather was brutal both years!

Last year it was cold and rainy; this year it wasn’t much better … though I do remember completely changing my entire ensemble after last year’s round, while this year I only changed my shirt.

The first year no one really knew what to expect from our team, but this year people were talking before things got going. I had the feeling that people saw us as the team to beat.

As one team was driving their cart past us on the way to their first tee, we heard the comment,  “You guys can’t win this year.”  To that one of the boys casually said, without looking up from his golf bag, “We probably will.” I just chuckled to myself at the confidence.

We knew people would be out to beat us, but the boys were gamers and wanted to repeat. I was more concerned that it would stop raining so that my clubs wouldn’t fly out of my hands when I swung at the ball.

But the rain didn’t want to go away. The clouds were dark and looming even when it wasn’t raining, and when it was it made playing golf as much fun as waking up this winter to my driveway full of snow for the fifth day in a row!

But there were highlights … one of the guys hit all three consecutive shots on one hole which gave us an eagle. Then on another, when three of us had missed the green on a par 3, the fourth stepped up and threw a dart at the pin, ending up 4 feet from the hole.

And that was the story of the round. When we needed a shot or a big hole to pick us up, someone provided something special to keep the momentum going.

In the end, we were a little disappointed; we had set a big goal and didn’t reach it. But we decided nine under par was all we could do and we just hoped that it would be enough or close to it.

Go figure, the weather caused everyone else to have the same struggles, and we won by 2 strokes. Now it’s off to Wooden Sticks for a $700 round of golf for four – our first prize winnings!

Here’s the thing: In life there are times when we have to persevere through things. It’s not easy to do it alone. Just like in our golf game when three of us blew a shot, and one of us came through with just the right touch, God is with you as you persevere through the game of life to provide the right touch when needed. Sometimes it won’t be until the last chance, but persevere. Turn to God and watch Him rise to the challenge.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: How have you found God there with you when you have persevered? I’d really like to hear from you; you can leave a comment below.

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What You Give Your Attention To Will Be Important To You

I believe something will fade in its importance to you when you stop paying attention to it. I stumbled on this principle this week.

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He’s gone, and he’s not coming back. No more Winston the turtle in our house. No more swimming frantically when someone passed by his tank. No more bashing into the tank glass when he would get scared off his rock.

Oh, he’s still living. He has a life expectancy of about 25 – 30 years, so I figure he has over twenty years of life left.

Winston is just no longer in our home. It was a bit of a sad day. Lily and Karlie drained the tank, packed up the filter and all the other paraphernalia, and took him to a new home.

You know, when my kids were young, when I came home they would come running to the door to see me and give me big hugs. Since they’ve grown up, it’s been Winston who has excitedly paddled at the edge of his tank when I came home.

It might have been that he wanted me to feed him instead of just being happy to see me … I can think what I want, can’t I? He can’t speak for himself.

Winston didn’t get all that much attention at our house. Karlie lives in another city, and Mike, though living in town, didn’t have much to do with him.

So it was down to Lily and I to take note of him and I mostly talked to him as I was passing by the living room.

That left Lily to care for him … and she did more than just talk to him. She fed him, cleaned his tank and filter, and took him out to let him walk around.

It’s Lily who had the hardest time saying good bye.

Lil would hold him and stroke the underside of his neck which he seemed to like. I guess there’s no more of that now.

He’s been gone less than a week and I still find myself looking over to that corner when I enter the living room to make sure I don’t scare him off his tanning rock.

Now he’s with a good family, with three kids to watch him, feed him, walk him, and give him more attention than we could.

But they need to be aware that Winston is a passive pet. And by that, I mean you have to go to him; he doesn’t come over to you to get petted or hugged or have his hand held. (I would hold his hand or paw after I fed him).

The poor little guy is gone. … But already our house is feeling like it’s back to normal.

Here’s the thing: You get attached to any pet, but the more interaction you have with that pet, the more important it will be to you, and the harder it is to say good bye. The same is true with attending church. The more interaction you have with Christ and His people, the more important they will be to you, and the harder it is to stay away. It’s easier to stay away from church when you are a passive attender. Make sure then you develop close connections with friends at church.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What is one excuse you’ve used to miss going to church in the last 3 months? I’d really like to hear from you; you can leave your comment below.

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How To Develop Neatness in Your Children

I wonder if neatness is something that you grow into, just like you grow into new sizes of clothes and how you grow into a new set of teeth. It just happens as you get older.

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My son, Mike, has been home for the last week, in-between places. The old apartment lease was up at the end of the month but the new place, which I like to call the “Park St. I Palace” (or PIP for short), was not ready yet.

I call the new place the PIP because it’s on Park Street and it’s all about being independent and out of all the grungy holes he’s lived in while at university. This place is palatial!

So with this transition period, Mike needed a place to store his furniture and stuff. The furniture we put in the garage, and the stuff, well, it took over three rooms in the house and then leaked a little more into the living room and a bathroom.

Whoa! I forgot what his room was like when he was in high school; now there’s just more of it. I remember being messy when I lived at home (and I wouldn’t say that I’m a neat freak now), but Mike takes messy to a new level of disorder.

Since I’m much neater now, I figure there is a chance Mike will become neater, too. You see, he just hasn’t grown into his neatness yet.

The thing is, you can predict when you grow into some things, like your new teeth. It starts happening around six and by about twelve you have your new set that will last you a lifetime … or until you get a few knocked out playing hockey or something.

But you can’ t predict when you’ll grow into your neatness. For our daughter Karlie, I think it was somewhere between her second and third year of university.

For me, my neatness didn’t come until after I was married, and then there was some mandatory instruction that came with it via my wife.

Possibly, it’ll take a similar scenario for Mike to really grow into his neatness … but he’s pretty remedial so I’m not sure it will be easy on her, whoever that might be.

Some good news for everyone involved in this transition was that the PIP was ready earlier than anticipated and he moved in on Saturday. I helped a little and what I liked right away was the smell of fresh paint when I walked in. The place was clean and bright.

As I looked around at how nice a spot it was, I wondered if he will grow into his neatness there in the PIP. You never know what might kick off a growth spurt.

The great thing for Lily and me is the dishevelled look of the house has returned to its original state. For Lily this is a blessing because now she’s just back to picking up after one mess monster instead of two.

Here’s the thing: We might think we will naturally grow in our relationship with God. But our human tendency is to grow apart from Him. We must make a conscious effort and take specific steps to grow closer to Christ. We must put ourselves in a place where we are learning and discovering and applying His principles to our lives – like being mentored, or joining a small group, or taking a class, or studying the Bible on your own.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question:  So what are you doing to grow in Christ? I’d love to hear from you; you can leave a comment below.